Leslie John

This is why I love what I do.

My instinct is often wrong.

And then I learn from research, oh, I did the exact wrong thing.

So my instinct is often like going to fix mode.

Right.

So if my husband's like this colleague is like such a pain, I'm like, OK, well, let's problem solve.

And that's typically not the most useful thing.

The most useful thing is validation is just saying, I hear you.

That must be so hard.

That guy sounds like a real dick.

Just saying less is more.

There have been neuroscientific studies of this.

When you validate someone's feelings.

Even when they know that you're literally doing this almost performatively, like you're instructed, even when I know you're doing this, the areas of the brain, the really emotional ones, it's calming for someone to repeat back to you the things that you are feeling, which has so many lessons.

Like in parenting, I apply that.

I have to fight myself.

I'm like, right?

I'm like going into like fixed mode and then no, no, no, no.

Tyler, I know that's so frustrating.

I would feel the same way too.