Leslie John

assume that others also don't want to talk about it, right?

This is this idea that like, if nobody is talking about it, we assume that nobody wants to talk about it.

But what we can do in these situations is try testing the waters, broaching the topic.

So here's an example, not of a dark family secret, but like a friend of mine was just telling me that she was at a meeting at work and they were sitting around a table and it was super frustrating.

They weren't getting anywhere.

And normally, like, you don't say that.

You don't say it's frustrating.

Like people were just kind of grin bearing it.

And she finally she said, you know what?

I'm going to say it.

She said, I feel frustrated.

And then as soon as she said that, everyone else said, oh, my gosh, thank you.

I feel frustrated, too.

Like there was this collective relief and this collective bonding.

And then they were able to move forward.

Yeah, I think that one reason we keep secrets is out of kindness and not wanting to burden people, right?

Not wanting to burden people about the horrors one has experienced.

And that's totally valid and fair and understandable.

It's not always good to talk about the things that are bothering you.

Sometimes if you talk about the things that are bothering you, you end up perseverating on them and thinking about them even more.