Leslie John

Now, he said he breached...

kind of a social contract of intimacy with his wife.

But I think him saying that also, I could feel the realization that, well, you know, your spouse is someone, in my view, we should be going for total emotional intimacy, right?

That means you can tell them anything.

And if you're not at that stage or you're not working toward it, then I think that's something to take note of and you can make a change.

Right.

And so that he's self-criticizing.

He says he breached my wife.

But in some ways, you could think of his non telling her as an act of kindness, because as we talked about a little bit earlier, sometimes when you share something with someone, it then becomes a shared burden and it would have become a burden to her.

So you can kind of play it both ways.

These things usually are not black and white.

I also thought it was interesting to me, the beautiful takeaway in the end of how he said, I regret having concealed it for so long.

And I can't tell you the number of times I've heard this.

Being able to be who you are and feel known for who you are and reveal it is deeply intrinsically rewarding.

Totally.

And that's why I think like really trying to like take the temperature down a bit and thinking what are the risks of revealing?

That's natural.

But what are the risks of not revealing and what are the benefits?

And like if you can kind of start to put your finger on these things, then they become much more manageable and you kind of embrace the duality and complexity instead of hiding from it.

Oh, this is such an important point.