Lewis Black

Oh, fancy cyber truck had to get rescued by the big, tough Ford. You're the laughing stock of all the other trucks. That Ford pickup's probably banging your wife right now, you cyber cuck. Plus, what use is a truck if it can't off-road? That's like a sex doll with no holes. Now, I just seem weird having it on my couch. And this car isn't just failing its owners, it's trying to eat them.

Oh, fancy cyber truck had to get rescued by the big, tough Ford. You're the laughing stock of all the other trucks. That Ford pickup's probably banging your wife right now, you cyber cuck. Plus, what use is a truck if it can't off-road? That's like a sex doll with no holes. Now, I just seem weird having it on my couch. And this car isn't just failing its owners, it's trying to eat them.

Good. Because I'm Team Cybertruck on this one. You morons had it coming. Do us all a favor. Save us from another generation of Cybertruck drivers. Stick your balls in there, too. Luckily, I still have all my fingers so I can deliver this message to Elon on behalf of Tesla stockholders. Unlike AI, this is pretty straightforward. So is this one.

Good. Because I'm Team Cybertruck on this one. You morons had it coming. Do us all a favor. Save us from another generation of Cybertruck drivers. Stick your balls in there, too. Luckily, I still have all my fingers so I can deliver this message to Elon on behalf of Tesla stockholders. Unlike AI, this is pretty straightforward. So is this one.

Ah, summer, when my balls glue themselves to my thigh and don't let go until Labor Day. And if you're a kid, it means going to camp. Summer camp used to be about playing sports, making friends, and if you're lucky, finding a dead body. But for parents who think it's time for their five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there are a few camps just for them, like this one.

Ah, summer, when my balls glue themselves to my thigh and don't let go until Labor Day. And if you're a kid, it means going to camp. Summer camp used to be about playing sports, making friends, and if you're lucky, finding a dead body. But for parents who think it's time for their five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there are a few camps just for them, like this one.

Did you hear that? Chick-fil-A has a summer camp. Kill me now. Kids are finally getting to learn the chicken sandwich business. You know, nothing says summer fun like third-degree grease burns. And the best part about Chick-fil-A camp is it only costs $35. What a bargain! I mean, for $35, you can't even find a babysitter on the terror watch list.

Did you hear that? Chick-fil-A has a summer camp. Kill me now. Kids are finally getting to learn the chicken sandwich business. You know, nothing says summer fun like third-degree grease burns. And the best part about Chick-fil-A camp is it only costs $35. What a bargain! I mean, for $35, you can't even find a babysitter on the terror watch list.

Even Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was $40 an hour, and he didn't even change diapers. But if that's still too steep a price tag, you can always bring them for free to the company who's basically raising them anyway.

Even Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was $40 an hour, and he didn't even change diapers. But if that's still too steep a price tag, you can always bring them for free to the company who's basically raising them anyway.

Oh, thank God. Just what our children need. More screen time. I hope they'll use these iPads on planes at full volume while I contemplate getting a second vasectomy. Better safe than sorry. I will say these Apple camps seem way nicer than the ones in China. I mean, for starters, the kids get to leave. Oh, stop it. Seriously, wake up. How do you moan over that? Unbelievable.

Oh, thank God. Just what our children need. More screen time. I hope they'll use these iPads on planes at full volume while I contemplate getting a second vasectomy. Better safe than sorry. I will say these Apple camps seem way nicer than the ones in China. I mean, for starters, the kids get to leave. Oh, stop it. Seriously, wake up. How do you moan over that? Unbelievable.

But maybe I'm judging too quickly. Who knows? These camps could be fostering the storytellers of tomorrow.

But maybe I'm judging too quickly. Who knows? These camps could be fostering the storytellers of tomorrow.

This girl could write the next great animated film. But if you dare touch the opening weekend of Inside Out 3, I'll sue the shit out of you. Follow your dreams, but stay away from daddy's gravy train. But if the friolator and ADHD don't do it for your child, there are some camps that teach actual skills.

This girl could write the next great animated film. But if you dare touch the opening weekend of Inside Out 3, I'll sue the shit out of you. Follow your dreams, but stay away from daddy's gravy train. But if the friolator and ADHD don't do it for your child, there are some camps that teach actual skills.

First of all, I don't think you need a camp to teach teen boys how to pull hose. I mean, they tend to figure it out on their own. By the way, firefighter camp is just like police camp, but with more cardio and less framing people for murder. I admire these kids, but they better not show up when I burn down my Panama City condo for the insurance money.

First of all, I don't think you need a camp to teach teen boys how to pull hose. I mean, they tend to figure it out on their own. By the way, firefighter camp is just like police camp, but with more cardio and less framing people for murder. I admire these kids, but they better not show up when I burn down my Panama City condo for the insurance money.

Stay away from daddy's other gravy train, you little life-saving shits. But if firefighting camp sounds like too much fun, don't worry, you've still got options. At this summer camp, middle schoolers take care of Baby Tori, a $75,000 high-fidelity simulator.

Stay away from daddy's other gravy train, you little life-saving shits. But if firefighting camp sounds like too much fun, don't worry, you've still got options. At this summer camp, middle schoolers take care of Baby Tori, a $75,000 high-fidelity simulator.