Lewis Howes

When you're falling in love.

When you're falling in love, it's actually almost indistinguishable from clinical depression.

And the reason is because you're ruminating on the other person.

That's why you'll send a thousand stupid text messages when you don't hear from the person.

You're getting digger and digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole.

That's because you're doing insane things because your brain is slightly insane because you're bonding the other person.

You ruminate almost depressively on the other person because you're bonding to the other person because you're basically creating kin for somebody with whom you're biologically unrelated, ideally.

And the last is what you want to get to is oxytocin and vasopressin, which are these neuropeptides in the brain where actually you are kin and that's your person.

This person is part of your tribe.

You've actually adopted somebody into your family.

Crazy.

That's that's you and Martha were and you feel like you've been together forever.

That's oxytocin is the way that that works.

And you want to go one, two, three, four.

When it doesn't work, when when relationships are askew, it's because they go in different speeds through that neurochemical cascade or somebody stops after stage two.

That's when things aren't working.

There's some people who go through them too fast and freak out their other partner.

These are people who have hemophilia, not with an H. It's not a blood disorder.

Hemophilia, which is excessively quickly falling in love.

There's a lot of what I teach my students, you know, is about actually how this neurochemistry of actually how all this stuff works.