Libby Ingram
Appearances
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
I'm Houston's mom. I'm Libby Ingram. I'm John Paul's mother. And I'm also a speech language pathologist.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
Well, John Paul, he also saw angels and he saw the good and the bad. And he was so adamant that we love each other. And he talked about love all the time. That was sort of his message was that I just don't think he had a lot of fear because he knew there was something so much better than that. Love is what's important.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
So, you know, if someone was ugly or unkind, he would spell, they don't understand, just love them. And he could see that in them. And I thought, what a gift that he just is so comfortable with who he is. I think his teacher, Ms. Susan, I think I made a post about this because it was hysterical. She said, John Paul, what do you like best about yourself? And he spelled everything. Yeah.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
which I thought was fabulous because he had so many limitations, but he was just happy. I think when you see the things he saw, why would you be unhappy? You know, there was just something so much better. And that's a gift. And I try to remember that all the time with him having not being here anymore. Just remember what he taught me when he was here.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
Go ahead, Libby. The first thing I think anyone can do is to have positive thoughts, positive loving thoughts in their head because they feel it, they hear it. And I think you can improve... Even if it's your child or your student, their quality of life right away by keeping loving thoughts and not, I mean, there were times, of course, John Paul frustrated me to no end.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
I mean, he did some very bizarre things. And in my head, I would say to him, I still love you. I said, I'm just going to have to clean this up. A little annoyed because I'm human, but I still love you. It's okay. I think that is such an easy thing to do. It doesn't cost a cent. to make them feel good about themselves. I mean, because they're already caring so much.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
That's a burden to take off of them. I think that's right away something that can be done.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
A lot of the people I hear about that have done these tests, first of all, have never had the spelling training. so they don't even know if they'd had the training they might understand why it doesn't work but not only that what infuriates me when people do this is how soul-crushing it is to the child or the young adult or the adult who is being tested it is it's so cruel
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
Because this person is, I've just heard some terrible things, graduate students trying to test this to disprove spelling, possibly for their professor or whatever. I just, it makes me so angry because it's so unloving. and not supportive that I just don't even understand why it's even done. But don't do it. And if you've never been trained, then you don't even know what you're doing.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
And if you have been trained, you probably wouldn't do it because you know that it's not going to work. But I have had people that I know where the autistic went into a severe depression afterwards because it just it was soul crushing. So I just I wish that if any young therapist or professional hears this, they will just refuse to do it. Don't do it because you don't have the training to do it.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
So that's my two cents. It makes me crazy, Kai. I find it infuriating.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
For me, it wasn't. John Paul wanted to do it. I presented it to him and John Paul said, said, spelled, it had to be done because he wants to see change for, at the time he wanted his friends to have a better life. And he too wanted a better life and to be educated and to be taken seriously and presumed competent. So it wasn't even, it was more like, mom, we're doing this. So jump on board.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
So I didn't really have a choice, but I would have done it anyway. Love that.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
Libby, go ahead. I've gotten texts and emails from parents about, one, if they have lost a child, wanting to find out how they can find out if they're okay, if their child's there, do they hear them? And it's been great to be able to comfort parents that have been through this situation. Also, parents who want to know how do we find the spelling because it's not in my community.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
I don't have anyone close. And that is a huge problem. There needs to be more teachers, caregivers, parents that are able to have access to spelling. And there are some limitations. One, it's expensive. And that needs to change because that's another way of gatekeeping. parents from being able to communicate with their child is the expense of it. So that that needs to change.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
So whether it's ASHA saying speech therapists are allowed to learn this method, so they can do it more in the public school or more special ed teachers having access to the training, but that needs to happen. Yeah.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
No, it was fabulous is what it was. Because you worry about your, I mean, All autism moms worry about their children. Are our children going to have love? Are they going to be cared for? You want them to experience everything you got to experience. And what I loved was, first of all, everyone was at Hirsch Academy where he went. Everybody loved this romance that was blossoming at the school.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
It was fabulous. Miss Susan called and she said, I think there's something with these two. I was so excited. I think I accosted Karen at the school in the parent pickup. Like, hey, Karen, we're going to become really good friends because our kids really dig each other. I wanted to make it happen. I really wanted it to happen. I was thrilled and I loved everything about it.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
I loved, I wanted to make it easy. I wanted to make, you know, I had no idea all the extra that was going on telepathically. You know, I didn't know about that so much at the time. But those two just had a love connection almost instantly. instantly.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
For sure. So we would call, Lily would come over and our house, if you've ever been to a non-speaking ASD3 autistic person's home, what you notice is that there are a lot of modifications to the house. So I love it because I love to have autistics over because our house is set up for it. So Lily would come over and Karen come over and Lily might be caught in a loop so they can get caught in loops.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And John Paul, they might walk by and he may pat her on the head or he may come up and stim a little bit. And then she might be stimming on the windowsill. And then he would go upstairs. She would be walking, doing her thing. And then when they would finally go home, John Paul would spell That was fabulous. Because, you know, it was just they knew what they were doing. It was their connection.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
I cannot put a neurotypical ideal or what I think it should look like because they're not neurotypical. And so, you know, when he said, I want to marry Lily, I said, you know what? We can make that happen. That's okay. I said, it may look different. Who knows? Let's just wait and see what happens. The sky's the limit, you know?
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
So yeah, it's different, but it's as equally meaningful and beautiful to them as it, it's just different. Yeah. I loved it. I love my Lily. She calls me her mother and soul. So, yeah.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
For me, love and connection, it's unselfish. You really look at the person and you see them for who they are and accept them right where they are. And you want the best for them. You're proud of them. You love them. From here, you love from here more than you do from the outside. And that's the way I see is true love. That's what I see.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
Well, basically, I can speak on non-speakers because that's my experience. There's so many different, as we talk about autisms, really, and what I know is the non-speaker. And I think that what we have to do as parents is you can't micromanage this thing. You really can't micromanage them. And it's hard not to because of the motor planning thing.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
So for John Paul, I had to do everything for him, really. I mean, take care of him from head to toe, literally, because it was he... He just couldn't do it. That's their issue. It's sensory motor. It's sensory motor planning. But I can't micromanage his relationships. And I certainly, I loved being able to send him out into the world with a caregiver. And I didn't want to know.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
I didn't want to know everything. I don't need to know everything. He's a grown child. I want him to have autonomy. And I think some parents really struggle with giving up that space that control, and maybe it's because I'm type B, I don't know, and I'm not really, I just knew that you cannot control everything.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
You want to keep them safe, and that's important, but you don't need to know everything, and you let them have a relationship, let them, John Paul had a life I knew nothing about, because when his caregiver took him out I have no idea where they went. He took them to family reunions. They went to Goodwills all over downtown Atlanta. I have no idea what his life was. And that was fine.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
He needed that. So if the parent can do that, then I think everyone's happier. And I think they're happier because that's what they want, some freedom.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
freedom for goodness sake you know um and and i don't know how that looks for everyone but i just really had to trust people you got to be able to trust people or your child is not going to have any freedom so that would be my advice yeah really yeah let you have to let some things go
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
for me make your whole life about love is I like to when I'm doing something or thinking about how I'm gonna interact with somebody I try to say is it loving is what I'm gonna do is it loving especially if I'm making a real I'm
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
on my Instagram where I want to talk about, either want to talk about autism or the things that are making me unhappy regarding whether you believe in spelling, you believe in telepathy or this or that. I literally, I feel like I have John Paul right here with me all the time. He really is. And I will sit there and I might have this reel ready to go. And all of a sudden I hear this, mom,
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
did you think about love? Are you being loving? You need to edit a little more. This is a little rough, you know, and I'll look back because really, if we all just came from a place of love, And I just think life would be so much better. Everything would be easier. Autism parents wouldn't be stuck at home in isolation with fear of going out and having their feelings hurt.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And if we could just all take a second and say, is this a loving way to be? It's so much easier to love than hate. It's better for your health. It's better for everybody. You know, I think that's when John Paul said, you know, make your whole life about love. That's what matters. And we remember that everything else teaches you. Having an autistic. Like John Paul teaches you so much.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
I mean, went through times where he flushed my jewelry down the toilet or he threw my plates over the balcony. We call it in the back. There's this, I call it broken plate alley where it's all my, it's like geek.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
can't fall in love with your material superficial things you fall in love with people you fall in love with things that matter and that's what I felt like he said make it about love that's what I took from that and I think I really try to remember that not perfect and I can Peter my husband could say She's not always about love. But I try to remember that, you know, I really do.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
Make your whole life about it. No, I just think that we need to care about each other. You know, even if... that if we just all cared about each other a little bit and just did our, all this, just did our own little part, the world would be so much better. Just do something that makes a difference.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
If we just all did that, even, and as far as like autism, if you want to go autism for like the more severe autistics, and I say that in quotes, you know, like John Paul, if everyone just take a moment, if you see a parent out in the wild with, I love to see an autism parent out with their kid.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And I always look at them and I go, I always point to them and I go, I see you like that, you know, and I might even come up to them. And because I had people do such kindnesses, I remember every single one of them. And I, I mean, even if it was, it seems so insignificant, but it was fantastic. It made such a difference. And we don't want to be scared to be out. We want to be out.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And I think if we all just did that little thing, it would just make life so much better. It would.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
I said, just tell them in your head. I do it all the time. If I see one out, I said, I see you, you fabulous thing. And I say it in my head, you know. And sometimes they'll kind of look at me. And even at my mother's place, one of the custodian ladies, she would bring her daughter. And she's in her 20s.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And I'm still trying to get a hold of her to teach her to spell because her mother needs to see this because I know she could. And I remember I said to her, I said, you and I are going to get together. I'm going to come on a Saturday and we're going to spell. I'm going to teach you this. And I said, and I think you're fabulous.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And she and I just said in my head and all of a sudden she looks at me and she looks up and she goes. She wasted me. So I would say you don't necessarily... I mean, if John Paul said, non-speakers, we can do this. We hear you. Just have good energy around them. They feel the energy. Just have your energy good and just... You can say it out loud if you want, but they can hear you.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
Yeah. Thoughts matter. Energy matters. Be positive. That's what... Don't sit there and if they're doing something funky... dwell on it because they do some, John Paul did some crazy things, you know, and it doesn't matter, you know, just accept them. They're doing the best they can. They're very brave to be out in the world with all the challenges they have. They're the bravest souls I know.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And I think they should be admired for that.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
The thing is, when you have a non-speaking autistic, they can't tell you unless you ask the questions. That's the thing. You can feel it. I just felt like John Paul had the purest soul. He just loved unconditionally. There was no ego attached to it. And he would say to me, you know, if people were ugly or unkind to him, he would say, they don't understand. Just love them.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
And I just, I felt like their love was so pure, his and Lily's, and his love was so pure. There was nobody he didn't want to go up to and high five and then lean in for the kiss, you know. It taught me some, I loved the way people responded to him. I could tell so much about someone the way they responded to him because he went in with just this pure heart.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
and he could handle them not loving him back mama had a hard time with it you know because we don't want our children to be hurt you know but he didn't get hurt because he saw the bigger picture he saw that nothing here really matters love is what matters everything else is superficial nonsense And that's what I took from John Paul. He just, he was brave.
The Telepathy Tapes
BONUS - LIVE TALK TRACKS EPISODE - Love Beyond Words
You know, he was just brave and put it out there. That's what I loved. Yeah, that's what I, and you either accepted it or you didn't. You know, and it was your loss if you didn't.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 9: Telepathy Across Dimensions, Death, and Beyond
JP lived silently in this world and I do as well. Zahari wrote this the day after John Paul passed. Yesterday, Jake, you went home. Great celebrations took place on the hill. The hill is so awesome. Sometimes I'd rather be there than sitting here spelling. Going to the hill allowed us to see heavy-man people there.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 9: Telepathy Across Dimensions, Death, and Beyond
He did love having his guests at the beautiful celebration. You should have seen all the angels around there.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
Every child who was gaining, learning something and being able, they lost their voice. It happened so fast.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
It actually brought our spelling to a whole new level because I didn't realize that there were times John Paul couldn't feel his arms. You know, he needed just a little resistance to get things going.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
And without having tried doing from empathy, I wouldn't have gotten to an elevated place of spelling with John Paul. Some parents get to where they just have to put a finger on their shoulder so that they can feel their arm. One parent, I know this sounds crazy, but she actually just had to grab a strand of hair of her child and cool a little bit so that her child can feel herself.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
And that's where they got to. But John Paul sometimes needed me to just put a hand on his wrist just so he could push back initially to feel.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
Not everyone needs it, but the kids that need it have to have it.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
I am a speech-language pathologist since 1999, and I am a member of ASHA, and I do spell with my child.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
Therapists kind of have to be a member of ASHA if they want to get jobs, if they want... to be able to bill insurance if they want to have their certificate of clinical confidence. But Libby is also a mother. And we tried every therapy around. I mean, I have an extensive list. And then when John Paul was about eight years old, I was at a conference.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
I literally was looking at her and thinking, I've never heard of it. I needed to see it for myself. I know I had tried everything else. So she went to a workshop to observe kids who were communicating with RPM. I saw kids just like John Paul coming in, and they were spelling. I couldn't believe it. And I just burst into tears. And I just couldn't stop crying. This is it.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
I knew from being a speech pathologist and taking biology and understanding the brain, it all made sense to me.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
He was able to spell. He was learning age-appropriate academics. It just changed his whole world.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
Why would people doubt this? And I really, truly do not understand it.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
It is life changing. And once the parent learns the method, I mean, we just would converse at dinner with the letterboard, and John Paul is a part of the conversation. I just don't know why there is so much pushback on it.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
John Paul could do math. I have dyscalculia. which is a math disability. I could never do the math that he can do. And his poetry and his writings, they were just effortless for him. They aren't coming from me. I can't do what he could do.
The Telepathy Tapes
Ep. 8: Gatekeepers of Truth - Telepathy and the Spelling Controversy
The thing is, Kai, we can't all be lying. It's frustrating because everyone listens to the experts and take their word for it. In my case, I honestly didn't know that this was so controversial. So I looked into it, I tried it, and it changed our lives. It makes me sad they say we're these desperate parents that are making this up or whatever because that's just not true.