Liliana

And she falls asleep and I have it in my brain that the way that I pouted today was not acceptable.

I sat there and I got out of bed at six years old and got a notebook and a pen and I forced myself to write lines in the middle of the night because I was pouting because I didn't get to ride in the limousine.

And I remember my cousin woke up and she looked over and she was like, what are you doing?

You need to go to bed.

And I was like, no, I deserve this.

I literally said that.

At six years old, I'm saying stuff like that.

Heartbreaking, truly.

And I consider that to be, even though it's not physical self-harm, I do consider that to be my first kind of bout of self-harm.

Just forcing myself to write lines over something that's completely normal, you know?

Doing it, nobody's making me do it.

I'm making me do it.

And I think that really goes to show just...

you know, how my parents were treating me, how it was affecting me.

I felt like I was bad all the time.

I needed to be punished all the time.

So yeah, I was dealing with that and just always hating myself in general.

And also too, like occasionally he would get deployed.

So he would be gone for like a week, two weeks.

I remember there was a big one where he was gone for six months.