Lily Collins

It can be someone you literally run into at the coffee shop that you've never met before and you leave and go, oh, well, that felt awful. But for me... my romantic toxic relationship with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse and being made to feel very small. He would call me little Lily and, Oh, you should be little Lily.

And like, he'd use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things. There were awful words. And then there were belittling words. And I, it became this extremely belittling... I became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe.

And like, he'd use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things. There were awful words. And then there were belittling words. And I, it became this extremely belittling... I became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe.

And like, he'd use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things. There were awful words. And then there were belittling words. And I, it became this extremely belittling... I became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe.

And my wonderful therapist has now taught me so much about... in evolutionary times and kind of the experience through thousands of years ago with this most simplest forms of predator and prey, when prey felt threatened, they made themselves feel as small as possible, possibly by not eating, by making themselves look as least juicy and enticing as possible.

And my wonderful therapist has now taught me so much about... in evolutionary times and kind of the experience through thousands of years ago with this most simplest forms of predator and prey, when prey felt threatened, they made themselves feel as small as possible, possibly by not eating, by making themselves look as least juicy and enticing as possible.

And my wonderful therapist has now taught me so much about... in evolutionary times and kind of the experience through thousands of years ago with this most simplest forms of predator and prey, when prey felt threatened, they made themselves feel as small as possible, possibly by not eating, by making themselves look as least juicy and enticing as possible.

And that's where they felt the safest because the predator were no longer a threat. And then you cut to thousands of years later. I am not thinking about predator and prey, but it is that same feeling of panic and anxiety and wanting to just get by and feel safe in some way. And that anxiety was heightened in my toxic relationship completely.

And that's where they felt the safest because the predator were no longer a threat. And then you cut to thousands of years later. I am not thinking about predator and prey, but it is that same feeling of panic and anxiety and wanting to just get by and feel safe in some way. And that anxiety was heightened in my toxic relationship completely.

And that's where they felt the safest because the predator were no longer a threat. And then you cut to thousands of years later. I am not thinking about predator and prey, but it is that same feeling of panic and anxiety and wanting to just get by and feel safe in some way. And that anxiety was heightened in my toxic relationship completely.

That's the panic attack manifestations, all of this, and my body reacting, like I said. And it's not until now that I kind of can recognize that fight or flight or the feeling of needing to hibernate. The situations are completely different 10 years ago to now, and also my ancestors of thousands of years ago. None of that applies to me.

That's the panic attack manifestations, all of this, and my body reacting, like I said. And it's not until now that I kind of can recognize that fight or flight or the feeling of needing to hibernate. The situations are completely different 10 years ago to now, and also my ancestors of thousands of years ago. None of that applies to me.

That's the panic attack manifestations, all of this, and my body reacting, like I said. And it's not until now that I kind of can recognize that fight or flight or the feeling of needing to hibernate. The situations are completely different 10 years ago to now, and also my ancestors of thousands of years ago. None of that applies to me.

I'm not looking to hibernate, but the feeling of panic is the same. And that panic is what I can still get triggered by now. Even if I'm in the most healthy relationship, there can be a moment that happens throughout the day where history comes back like that. It's like a millisecond or shorter than a millisecond. And your gut reacts, your heart drops, your heart starts beating.

I'm not looking to hibernate, but the feeling of panic is the same. And that panic is what I can still get triggered by now. Even if I'm in the most healthy relationship, there can be a moment that happens throughout the day where history comes back like that. It's like a millisecond or shorter than a millisecond. And your gut reacts, your heart drops, your heart starts beating.

I'm not looking to hibernate, but the feeling of panic is the same. And that panic is what I can still get triggered by now. Even if I'm in the most healthy relationship, there can be a moment that happens throughout the day where history comes back like that. It's like a millisecond or shorter than a millisecond. And your gut reacts, your heart drops, your heart starts beating.

And all of a sudden you're taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you're not in that situation now. And that's the trigger. And it's fucking hard. It's awful. It's awful.

And all of a sudden you're taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you're not in that situation now. And that's the trigger. And it's fucking hard. It's awful. It's awful.

And all of a sudden you're taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you're not in that situation now. And that's the trigger. And it's fucking hard. It's awful. It's awful.

Well, I've never had someone... other than Charlie witnessed me in that state, probably because I've never felt comfortable enough to be in that state knowing that that person's not gonna leave.