Listener (Aaron)

Is there any way I can convey this horrible past in a way that wouldn't cause her to see me as someone who's unsafe? Will this news make her see me in a different light, lumping me in with my dad, even though I have literally nothing to do with this? If we decide to terminate the pregnancy, would I still be obligated to tell her?

Is there any way I can convey this horrible past in a way that wouldn't cause her to see me as someone who's unsafe? Will this news make her see me in a different light, lumping me in with my dad, even though I have literally nothing to do with this? If we decide to terminate the pregnancy, would I still be obligated to tell her?

Is there any way I can convey this horrible past in a way that wouldn't cause her to see me as someone who's unsafe? Will this news make her see me in a different light, lumping me in with my dad, even though I have literally nothing to do with this? If we decide to terminate the pregnancy, would I still be obligated to tell her?

Signed, keeping a lid on what my father did amid this bid to have our own kid.

Signed, keeping a lid on what my father did amid this bid to have our own kid.

Signed, keeping a lid on what my father did amid this bid to have our own kid.

And the fact that you're even wondering whether you would be able to skirt around this if you decided not to move forward with the pregnancy, I have to imagine that speaks to the part of you that really still desperately wants to avoid having to talk about this with anybody, but especially with your partner. For sure, because of the shame of being associated with it, etc.

And the fact that you're even wondering whether you would be able to skirt around this if you decided not to move forward with the pregnancy, I have to imagine that speaks to the part of you that really still desperately wants to avoid having to talk about this with anybody, but especially with your partner. For sure, because of the shame of being associated with it, etc.

And the fact that you're even wondering whether you would be able to skirt around this if you decided not to move forward with the pregnancy, I have to imagine that speaks to the part of you that really still desperately wants to avoid having to talk about this with anybody, but especially with your partner. For sure, because of the shame of being associated with it, etc.

Because of that shame, and probably because of another layer of shame, which is having hidden the original shame for so long. And look, maybe there's some other thoughts in the mix. What does this abuse say about my family, about me? Like he said, are you going to hold this against me? Are you going to resent me or judge me for having forgiven my father, perhaps?

Because of that shame, and probably because of another layer of shame, which is having hidden the original shame for so long. And look, maybe there's some other thoughts in the mix. What does this abuse say about my family, about me? Like he said, are you going to hold this against me? Are you going to resent me or judge me for having forgiven my father, perhaps?

Because of that shame, and probably because of another layer of shame, which is having hidden the original shame for so long. And look, maybe there's some other thoughts in the mix. What does this abuse say about my family, about me? Like he said, are you going to hold this against me? Are you going to resent me or judge me for having forgiven my father, perhaps?

Which is something I definitely want to come back to here in a minute. And if you knew the truth about my dad, how would you respond? I don't know how you're going to respond. Are you going to let our child have a relationship with him? What's your reaction going to be?

Which is something I definitely want to come back to here in a minute. And if you knew the truth about my dad, how would you respond? I don't know how you're going to respond. Are you going to let our child have a relationship with him? What's your reaction going to be?

Which is something I definitely want to come back to here in a minute. And if you knew the truth about my dad, how would you respond? I don't know how you're going to respond. Are you going to let our child have a relationship with him? What's your reaction going to be?

But really what I think this comes down to, the overriding feeling that I'm getting from his letter is a fear of losing control.

But really what I think this comes down to, the overriding feeling that I'm getting from his letter is a fear of losing control.

But really what I think this comes down to, the overriding feeling that I'm getting from his letter is a fear of losing control.

Totally. She might meet him with compassion and acceptance, which is what I hope she does, especially because this was not his fault. He had nothing to do with the abuse. And it's obviously been so painful for him to live with what happened. But she could also meet him with any number of reactions, anger, fear, disappointment. She might just be weirded out. He can't predict that perfectly.

Totally. She might meet him with compassion and acceptance, which is what I hope she does, especially because this was not his fault. He had nothing to do with the abuse. And it's obviously been so painful for him to live with what happened. But she could also meet him with any number of reactions, anger, fear, disappointment. She might just be weirded out. He can't predict that perfectly.