Listener (Aaron)

I think it's especially pronounced for people who really value their independence, who like being alone, who want to live life on their own terms, etc. But... I think there's more to that story, too. I'm wondering, has she dated people who have expected her to fundamentally change? Has she been able to say to a partner, hey, you know, this is what I need in order to be happy.

I think it's especially pronounced for people who really value their independence, who like being alone, who want to live life on their own terms, etc. But... I think there's more to that story, too. I'm wondering, has she dated people who have expected her to fundamentally change? Has she been able to say to a partner, hey, you know, this is what I need in order to be happy.

I think it's especially pronounced for people who really value their independence, who like being alone, who want to live life on their own terms, etc. But... I think there's more to that story, too. I'm wondering, has she dated people who have expected her to fundamentally change? Has she been able to say to a partner, hey, you know, this is what I need in order to be happy.

I need to be my own person. I need this amount of time to myself or whatever it is like what's going on inside of her that makes her feel like she needs to sacrifice such crucial parts of herself in order to be available to someone. Because that is a very subtle process and it's complicated.

I need to be my own person. I need this amount of time to myself or whatever it is like what's going on inside of her that makes her feel like she needs to sacrifice such crucial parts of herself in order to be available to someone. Because that is a very subtle process and it's complicated.

I need to be my own person. I need this amount of time to myself or whatever it is like what's going on inside of her that makes her feel like she needs to sacrifice such crucial parts of herself in order to be available to someone. Because that is a very subtle process and it's complicated.

I have to imagine that it involves her as much as it involves another person who seems to demand so much time and energy or holds very different values from her.

I have to imagine that it involves her as much as it involves another person who seems to demand so much time and energy or holds very different values from her.

I have to imagine that it involves her as much as it involves another person who seems to demand so much time and energy or holds very different values from her.

Good theory. But she's also said that she's been like this since she was a kid or at least since high school.

Good theory. But she's also said that she's been like this since she was a kid or at least since high school.

Good theory. But she's also said that she's been like this since she was a kid or at least since high school.

Yes, and that is the fundamental tension. But the deeper issue is, I think she's scared.

Yes, and that is the fundamental tension. But the deeper issue is, I think she's scared.

Yes, and that is the fundamental tension. But the deeper issue is, I think she's scared.

But also tough cookies can be very sensitive. You know, I do get the sense that underneath these rigid concepts, these militant beliefs, this whole, I need a good reason to love someone. And if it's not working for me, I leave first. Underneath all of that is a vulnerable person, just like we all are.

But also tough cookies can be very sensitive. You know, I do get the sense that underneath these rigid concepts, these militant beliefs, this whole, I need a good reason to love someone. And if it's not working for me, I leave first. Underneath all of that is a vulnerable person, just like we all are.

But also tough cookies can be very sensitive. You know, I do get the sense that underneath these rigid concepts, these militant beliefs, this whole, I need a good reason to love someone. And if it's not working for me, I leave first. Underneath all of that is a vulnerable person, just like we all are.

She might want to consider whether all of these qualities and beliefs and patterns that she's told us about are in a way defenses against that vulnerability.

She might want to consider whether all of these qualities and beliefs and patterns that she's told us about are in a way defenses against that vulnerability.