Lorenzo Tyree

Call me Lemonade because I'm about to be made tonight. Minute made, minute made. So growing up, I actually got made fun of. I was like, what, six years old? Yeah, I was like six years old. And this kid came up to me at the lunch table. He's like, Lorenzo, you got big pointy ears. Is your dad an elf? And everyone started howling, just, ah, this guy's dad's an elf. Ah, Dumbo.

And I'm in shock, because I never met my dad. I know, I know, typical, I know, typical. But I go home that night to my grandma. I go to buy my babushka, is what they say in Russian. I go home to her and I'm like, grandma, grandma, is my dad an elf? Is that where he's been this whole time up in the North Pole helping kids make, you know, helping Santa make toys for the kids?

And she's like, no, Lorenzo, your dad's not an elf. Your dad's deported. And that's why I knew where my dad was and what deported meant.

I'm a mutt. Yeah? Yeah. Uh-huh. What do you think I am? Well... Don't ask him!

Dominican Republic.

Dominican Republic. Totally different place. Horrible roads. Horrible roads. I love it. Okay.

My mom is Italian and Scottish and Costa Rican.

And Woody Allen, apparently. You do have a look to you.

Free college. Have you seen the movie, Gran Turismo? I need to drive the cars, I need to go fast.

Here in Austin, yeah, here in Austin. Is this where you're from? No. Where are you from? Born and raised Alaskan.

What do you do for work, Lorenzo? We got a little smoke shop downtown. Smoke Paradise. Come see me.

Oh, I'm there. It's like it's cool. It's like a little trailer. So it's like I'm serving out this little trailer. People come up homeless and all. It's fun. It's really fun. OK.

Oh, February. So like eight months, eight months. Yeah. OK. It's been a ride. All right. All right. What's your love life like? My love life? Yeah.

Raised by my grandma. That was cool. She's an interesting person. Why were you raised by your grandma? Mom on drugs. Mom's on drugs? What kind of drugs? All of them. She's getting better, but I think she's probably done everything. How often do you talk to your mom? Um, now I talk to her more. Yeah, like, I just called her the last week, so, like, you know, every, like, other week or so.

Get her on the line?

Alaska gets wild. It is? Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. This doesn't even go back to Alaska. It's like, I'm Dominican. I got to get those fish. A spear? Yeah. Yeah. I don't use a rod shit. I fucking get in there with a gun. With a gun? What is that?

That's great. And what about dad? Tell us about your dad. Well, I never met him, like, until seventh grade. I went to Dominica, and it was wild. Yeah, tell us about it. That was wild. So, you know, first two weeks, it was like paradise. Just, you know... Everything's good, we're eating good, going out.

Then my auntie went back home to Alaska, and he switched the flip, locked the doors up, kept me inside, couldn't play with the Dominican kids, couldn't learn more Spanish. And then he broke my phone, couldn't talk to the fam. What do you mean he broke your phone? He smashed it? Yeah, he smashed it. So I was on playing some Clash Royale, and he was like... What are you doing over there?

Are you texting your family? I'm like, no. But I really was. But I was like, no, no, no. And he's like, yeah, let me see your phone. I was like, no, no, no, no. And he grabs it and he just slams it because he's like, this is my house. You know? All right, go ahead.

But yeah, it was wild.

It was wild.

So, yeah, yeah, like, got bare minimum food. Like, we got some, like, water with some tang and then some bread and butter. That was breakfast. Dinner was some rice and eggs. Water with tang? Yeah. You mean tang?

Like, you got to put it in.

No, he was actually doing really good in Dominica, because he knows English, so he'd get, like, the English-slash-Spanish job, so he was, like, doing pretty good, but, like, he was a bad man. He's actually here tonight. Why don't you come on out, Carl?

No, no, we didn't have a toaster.

Mm-hmm.