Ian Bagg, Tyler Fischer, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 11/04/2024 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code KILLTONY for $20 off your first purchase. Give Zippix toothpicks a try! Go to https://zippixtoothpicks.com and order a bundle today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the introduction to the podcast?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Red Vein coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Etchka!
Who's ready for the best spuckin' night of their lives, huh? Make some noise for Red Band, everybody. Goddamn. Oh, shit. Mama, we made it. You're at Kill Tony, the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Squarespace, Blue Chew, PrizePix, GameTime, and Talkspace. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Goddamn, there's something else.
Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, and Raul Vallejo. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Sean Greenberg on the guitar tonight. John Deese on the keys. And this right here is the undeniable D Madness on the bass guitar. Oh, my God. We have such a fun show lined up. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
All right, you guys ready to start the damn show, huh?
Two of the funniest comedians in the world tonight, ladies and gentlemen. The fun never ends here. It is the return of a great guest and the debut of another great guest. These are two guests that I can't believe we're lucky enough to have on this same episode. We're about to have so much goddamn fun as I introduce to you two of the best. It's Ian Bagg and Tyler Fisher. Fuck yeah.
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Chapter 2: Who are the special guests on this episode?
We got another chair. We got a second chair. Wave to the people. You threw your shit out already? It was so fast. There's a chair. Fuck yeah. One more time for Ian Bagg and Tyler Fisher. They're on tour. IanBagg.com, TylerFisher.com. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I apologize, I didn't bring merch.
Tyler, what the fuck did you just throw out to the crowd there? All small. Some hats. I'm shadow banned on the internet. You're not even shadow banned for your shit, so you got to spell it out. You got to write it all out now or you're not going to find it. I love it.
You got it. All socials, at Ty the Fish. F-I-S-C-H.
I'm still wearing Jordan Peterson's gay shirt from last time, by the way.
I love it. Well, welcome back. Tyler, you've been on this show once before. Ian Bagg, this is your first time. Yes. Welcome, Ian. We're going to have so much goddamn fun tonight. Uh-huh. Yes. Over 280 human beings signed up for the chance to be on this show. That's real. Yeah, it's in the bucket here. And they are all at a bar across the street.
If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Which interrupts them, and they have to wrap it up then. And that's it. You want to pull the first name tonight, sir? Look at that. That's a first.
Right off the top there. Yeah, go ahead. Take it. Get them. And yeah, that's it. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? While they go wrangle that comedian from across the street, we have a golden ticket winner that is here to get the show started tonight. It's been a while since we saw him.
Oh, Gil Tony!
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Chapter 3: What humorous stories do the guests share?
Wow.
She said you could grow with her. Something that's absolutely physically impossible.
Question. Yeah.
Yes.
Is that the only thing wrong with your heartbeat?
No, it's not.
I had a feeling. I had a feeling.
Yeah.
Was she a nurse?
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Chapter 4: How does the comedy scene in Austin compare to others?
If Biden was here, he'd be sucking on your toes right now. It's true. It's true. It's not a joke. It's not a joke. Come on. Those are the longest toes I've ever seen. He looks like he has long toes. You look like you were born from pre-cum. I... I can say that because I was. Solidarity, man. Look at that. Jeffrey Dahmer when he was six.
I love it. So Heath, you have your heart broken. How did she let you know? Did she tell you face to face that it's over or what? No, it was through text. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's true you've already moved on to another woman. Yeah, I did. And you, uh... I went to Puerto Rico. You really? Hold on a second.
Yeah.
When did you go to Puerto Rico?
Like, literally, like, I just got back from San Juan today. Today? Yeah.
When were you in Puerto Rico? How long were you in Puerto Rico?
This weekend. This whole weekend. I was doing, like, a private gig for, like, a bunch of millionaires, and, like, I did this house party. All the venues pulled out. I don't know why, but...
Were there any threats? Were you in danger at all? Did anybody say anything to you? Look at him.
Fucking always in danger. Every time a van goes by him. I love it. Question, did you go outside when you were there? Because you're white as fuck.
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Chapter 5: What are the craziest moments from the night?
I heard there's a lot of, like, cool nature stuff to do out here.
I honestly... Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
I got two gay dads. My gay dad's amazing. I know people are gay before they even know. This guy? You'll find out.
It's been eight months. You've just heard that there's nature stuff to do here? Well, it just got by.
What's that? Oh, timey voice. I don't know.
Have you been to an H-E-B yet?
Yeah, that's the fucking shit, dude.
It is. Absolutely right. Shout out to H-E-B, the greatest grocery store that's ever existed. How about a Buc-ee's? Have you been to Buc-ee's?
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Chapter 6: What personal struggles do the comedians discuss?
They got people like you in Alaska? Very few, very few. Damn, your people crossed a lot of borders to get up there. They just kept going until they fucking are stuck in the snow. We'll stay here. Ian. Who gets deported from Alaska?
Like, fuck, there's nothing there.
Well, the garbage is frozen there. You can't get rid of it. You can't get rid of it.
You make me laugh, Big Ben.
What do you do for work, Lorenzo? We got a little smoke shop downtown. Smoke Paradise. Come see me.
Okay. Smoke Paradise. What makes your smoke shop better than the rest?
Oh, I'm there. It's like it's cool. It's like a little trailer. So it's like I'm serving out this little trailer. People come up homeless and all. It's fun. It's really fun. OK.
How long have you been working there?
Oh, February. So like eight months, eight months. Yeah. OK. It's been a ride. All right. All right. What's your love life like? My love life? Yeah.
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Chapter 7: How do the comedians handle audience interactions?
Red band.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Where's your sound effect? Somebody's father came flying out of nowhere and dropped that. There it is. You guys might not have been here last week. We have a new sound effect for when Red Band has a good one. Okay. Well, I'll tell you what, Lorenzo. It was okay. Here comes a little joke book coming at you. There he goes.
Lorenzo Tyree with a little joke book. And on and on it goes. How about a hand for Yoni, ladies and gentlemen? He is the muscle. The muscle. Not quite as pretty as Heidi, but he can do like mechanical shit. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is a golden ticket winner. He is a legend on this show. Make some noise for the great and powerful Aaron Belisle, everybody.
It's a return of Aaron Belisle. from America's Got Talent recruited for that show here on Kill Tony. AGT, Kill Tony legend. One more time for the great Aaron Belisle, everybody.
I had a one night stand and six weeks later she texts me saying she's pregnant. Bullshit, I wore protection. And no, I didn't put the condom on my hand to protect her from Mr. Scratchy. I knew she was lying because we only had sex once and I checked and I had a full bag of goop. I brought my condoms home with me and inspected them because you can't trust these hoes.
This lady poked holes in my condoms? I have pictures. She's a lunatic? I don't even have money. I'm just a middle class retarded guy like you. Drake puts hot sauce in his condoms and ties them up so this doesn't happen, but I can't tie and not so next time I'm using fucking lighter fluid. She thought she could outsmart me. Nah, I knew what to do. I told her cerebral palsy is hereditary.
You can't fool me, lady. That little two-handed bastard ain't mine.
Aaron Belisle, ladies and gentlemen. Goddamn. A lot of drama going on with the golden ticket winners lately. Look at you, filling up fucking condoms, taking them home with you. You really did that?
Well, I sent some coat hangers in the mail and I'm just hoping for the best.
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Chapter 8: What are the future plans for the guests?
After my last appearance, someone invited me to a ranch that does horseback riding for special needs kids. And I thought, this is perfect. I'll help Tony find new regulars. And I started handing out flyers to the parents.
I love it that one of my special needs comedians is making fun of me for hiring so many special needs comedians. You have to love it. I'll give you some time off after this so that that fucking stereotype of my show dies down a little bit.
Then I realized I am just hurting myself, so I put a shock collar on the horses. Those little bastards have no grip strength at all.
All right. Aaron. I love you, you're amazing. You have some tour dates coming up or something? You have that already preset in your phone?
I am going to Arkansas, and I have a big run in the Florida area in December. I'll be in Miami, Naples, Key West, Boca, Melbourne, Jacksonville, Tampa Bay, basically everywhere with gators. Get tickets at mutecomedian.com.
Wow, there he goes. MuteComedian.com. We know him, we love him. Our boy, there he goes, galloping away. It's amazing when that guy shows up to a horse riding place and he already looks like he fell off a horse. You're like, oh, he's going for it again. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Angel Maldonado, everybody. Angel Maldonado.
60 seconds uninterrupted for Angel.
How we doing tonight, y'all? Ooh, yeah. All right, identify yourself. Who in this room thinks I'm straight? You know, show of hands, make a little noise, clap your hands. All right, some delayed reactions. That's the usual reaction that I get, actually. I don't know what it is about Texas ever since I moved here. I think all the steers, everybody just figures that I'm the queer.
I don't know what that's about. Either that or... The long hair combined with I'm so racially ambiguous that everybody also assumes that my sexuality is an ambiguous topic. I don't know what that is. I don't know. I think I'm onto something. The other day I had a comic tell me that I'd make a good prison wife. Yeah, his actual wording was, you would have the power of the pussy in prison, Angel.
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