Taylor Neely
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, dude, I don't know if you know this, but you're sitting in the kissing section. Yeah, I got to come down there and give you a kiss. No, you're not into it. No one's ever happy to be in the kissing section. Well, how do you think I feel? Now I got to go back there and tell them they're in the anal section. So pucker up, anal section! You can have that.
Who do you guys think would win in a fight? New York City rat, swallow that hole. Chew that entire glass hole right now. Who do you think? That's my time. Thank you so much. I'm Taylor Neely.
I have a huge ass head. My mom had to have a C-section and my head was so big.
I like the comedy scene a fuck ton. It's great. It's awesome. I like the, it's more, it's just more free. It's awesome. It really is.
Hey, you shut the fuck up, dude.
I'll put you in the kissing section, bro.
Do you like what you see? I kind of do, actually. I'm getting hard, man.
No, it does say 5'8 on my driver's license, but it's secretly, not so secretly as 5'7 and 3'4, but legally 5'8. There you go. Yeah, bomb. That sucks. Shit.
Oh, I'm transitioning to mounting just TVs. Hey, hey, what the fuck? Hey, you also shut the fuck up. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean that. Transitioning to just mounting TVs.
I finished a big painting job today and I mow lawns and put furniture. Task rabbit.
No, no, no. When I moved here, I just found the job on ZipRecruiter.
Oh, the smartest way to hire.
Well, I'm sober because I used to smoke a lot of crack cocaine, and I don't do that anymore.
Yeah, that last guy doesn't have fucking shit on me.
How does that happen? You see Wolf of Wall Street? What? Wolf of Wall Street. I really loved cocaine in college. And then when I was drunk, I saw Wolf of Wall Street. And when they smoked crack in Wolf of Wall Street and drunk me, I was like, that looks like a fuckload of fun. And then I went home from college. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. And I went to Ohio State. Go Buckeyes.
And I went to, I came out of a blackout and I asked this guy if he knew where to get crack.
The first time I smoked crack. So it's like a young homeless black man. He seemed like my age. And I'm like, do you know where to get crack? He takes me to the bad part of... a high street, which is like a... Yeah.
And then he takes me to a tall, lanky black guy, and I give him money, and he could have walked away with the money, but crackheads are very honorable, and he comes back with... He comes back with the crack, and we smoke it, and then, like, somehow I get a gaggle of, like, homeless guys, and we're walking down the street...
And we go into a, I go into a convenience store because I want some water, because Coke and crack makes you very thirsty. And I like, they start asking me for money and shit, and I don't want to deal with this. So I'm walking out of the gas station, and there's another guy walking to his car, and then like, oh, yo, pretend I'm with you. And I get in their car, and we speed off.
And then these guys are like, yo, what'd you get into tonight? And I'm like, well, I smoked crack for the first time. And then they're like, well, you want to smoke some more? So...
He dropped me back off at my friend's fraternity house at 6 a.m.
Drunk B loves it. Okay. Sober me, it's bad. It's bad at the end. It's fun for the first 30 minutes.
Every time I got drunk until I got it under control this time.
No, it was more like I'm like a binger. Like I'll relapse and then I'll binge for like a week and I went to the psych ward recently and that was bad. I was being too naughty. What the fuck?
Okay, I am the guy on the corner with the windshield wiper just trying to wash people's windshields.