Louisa Zissman

Not Lufanians.

I bet she's about 20 years old, some kind of millennial.

Oh, a luggage lounger.

Come on, say it how it is.

Belt wanker.

Belt wankers.

I would like to nominate myself for the weirder of the week.

Well, my husband has told me that I should because he thinks I'm weird.

I just think it's hilarious.

Anyway, my favourite bedtime activity... This isn't going where you think it is.

When my husband least expects it...

Insert my fingers into my fanny and rub the contents of my fanny across my husband's forehead while shouting.

Full disclaimer, I'm currently five months pregnant.

And as all my fellow females who have been pregnant will know, it's like a waterfall down there at the moment, much to my amusement and my husband's despair.

Please keep me anonymous as we're both police officers.

Give me a name.

And as it feels weird using one of my dead nan's names whilst talking about my discharge.

Love you.

I mean, not as weird as you literally wiping discharge on your husband's forehead and yelling Simba.

Simba.