Mackenzie Goodwin

He also commented...

He also commented...

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Ooh.

Ooh.

100%.

100%.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I want to see a dyke bed.

I want to see a dyke bed.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon.

100%.

100%.

We're on the spring tour. It's called the Going Hog Wild Tour, which means right now we are in Cardiff. But tomorrow we have a show in Brighton. Then on April 4th, we'll be in London. April 17th, we're in Madison. April 18th, Minneapolis. It's almost sold out. Sorry. April 19th, we're in Washington, D.C. April 23rd, we're in Los Angeles.

We're on the spring tour. It's called the Going Hog Wild Tour, which means right now we are in Cardiff. But tomorrow we have a show in Brighton. Then on April 4th, we'll be in London. April 17th, we're in Madison. April 18th, Minneapolis. It's almost sold out. Sorry. April 19th, we're in Washington, D.C. April 23rd, we're in Los Angeles.

I don't have a woman. Okay, I want to hold space for this Celine Dijon being like, let me be inclusive even with me naming partners that I could have. Exciting for us here, for you particularly. I have to say something. What? I know that on this pod, I feel like we're kind of like over trying to speculate on Madame Swath's sexuality. Okay. Taylor Swift's sexuality is not for any of us to know.

I don't have a woman. Okay, I want to hold space for this Celine Dijon being like, let me be inclusive even with me naming partners that I could have. Exciting for us here, for you particularly. I have to say something. What? I know that on this pod, I feel like we're kind of like over trying to speculate on Madame Swath's sexuality. Okay. Taylor Swift's sexuality is not for any of us to know.

Although you have given me a disease and now I'm a fucking Taylor truther.

Although you have given me a disease and now I'm a fucking Taylor truther.

i'm a galer truther you're a galer truther i have you've left this chat i've left the chat because i'm like okay but i you left the chat and you left me here in this world that i didn't want to be a part of in the first place right and i'm sorry and now here i am i have this issue that i deal with which i'm still just on galer tiktok okay have you seen the man who's the football guy her boyfriend no another friend of her boyfriend's a

i'm a galer truther you're a galer truther i have you've left this chat i've left the chat because i'm like okay but i you left the chat and you left me here in this world that i didn't want to be a part of in the first place right and i'm sorry and now here i am i have this issue that i deal with which i'm still just on galer tiktok okay have you seen the man who's the football guy her boyfriend no another friend of her boyfriend's a

He's like, I think a Trump supporter.

He's like, I think a Trump supporter.

Yes. He's got curly hair like mine. He was talking about, I just saw a TikTok. You sent it to me. This is why I'm stuck over here. You bitch. He was talking about Taylor Swift and he accidentally fumbles and he goes, I was with Taylor and her wife. I mean, my wife.

Yes. He's got curly hair like mine. He was talking about, I just saw a TikTok. You sent it to me. This is why I'm stuck over here. You bitch. He was talking about Taylor Swift and he accidentally fumbles and he goes, I was with Taylor and her wife. I mean, my wife.

It still made no sense, and it was one of those slips where I was just like... Well, because listen, you've made me a gayler truther against my will. And I got this little piece of content. I went, the Internet's going to lose their mind over this. And then I go on the Internet. Nobody's really talking about it. And I'm like, why am I still the only one who cares? You fucking broke me.

It still made no sense, and it was one of those slips where I was just like... Well, because listen, you've made me a gayler truther against my will. And I got this little piece of content. I went, the Internet's going to lose their mind over this. And then I go on the Internet. Nobody's really talking about it. And I'm like, why am I still the only one who cares? You fucking broke me.

I'm so sorry. I think no one gives a shit anymore. I think this was back in 2020. We just have so many bigger fish to fry than Taylor Swift's bisexuality. Yeah. However, that clip that you sent me in particular was so funny. No, I know that I almost sharted. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. I think no one gives a shit anymore. I think this was back in 2020. We just have so many bigger fish to fry than Taylor Swift's bisexuality. Yeah. However, that clip that you sent me in particular was so funny. No, I know that I almost sharted. Yeah.

First of all, I didn't know you could win it.

First of all, I didn't know you could win it.

For what? Best Ben Affleck film? Yeah.

For what? Best Ben Affleck film? Yeah.

Can't believe Gigli didn't win. No, it would be Argo. No, it would be... Argo's very good. I'm not going to see Argo. Don't fucking make me. What is the best? The best Ben Affleck movie. Please. The one. The one. Good Will Hunting. Is he even in that? I know Matt Damon is. Yeah. Matt Damon looking like a little lessee.

Can't believe Gigli didn't win. No, it would be Argo. No, it would be... Argo's very good. I'm not going to see Argo. Don't fucking make me. What is the best? The best Ben Affleck movie. Please. The one. The one. Good Will Hunting. Is he even in that? I know Matt Damon is. Yeah. Matt Damon looking like a little lessee.

OK, wait. So Ben Affleck won South by Southwest. Oh, A Simple Favor 2 is upon us. So there's all these, you know, squeakles that came out and A Simple Favor 2.

OK, wait. So Ben Affleck won South by Southwest. Oh, A Simple Favor 2 is upon us. So there's all these, you know, squeakles that came out and A Simple Favor 2.

If you haven't watched a simple favor, first of all, get the fuck away from me.

If you haven't watched a simple favor, first of all, get the fuck away from me.

Yeah. All I know is that A Simple Favor was one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. And now that it's coming back around, I'm just hoping it's not out yet during the time of this recording. I'm hoping it's gayer than ever. I hope they just dial it up. I love like a movie that feels like a telenovela. And that is. Exactly what.

Yeah. All I know is that A Simple Favor was one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. And now that it's coming back around, I'm just hoping it's not out yet during the time of this recording. I'm hoping it's gayer than ever. I hope they just dial it up. I love like a movie that feels like a telenovela. And that is. Exactly what.

me just blowing through it like yeah I think I got there that's how you pronounce it no notes and also I love a soap opera movies aren't going melodramatic yeah I love a melodramatic movie especially to women a will they won't they high tension when it's when they're so into each other they're obsessed it feels like do you know with Sandra Oh like it feels like that show they're obsessed with each other one's good one's bad but they're like they're obsessed with each other why because they kind of want to fuck I love that yeah

me just blowing through it like yeah I think I got there that's how you pronounce it no notes and also I love a soap opera movies aren't going melodramatic yeah I love a melodramatic movie especially to women a will they won't they high tension when it's when they're so into each other they're obsessed it feels like do you know with Sandra Oh like it feels like that show they're obsessed with each other one's good one's bad but they're like they're obsessed with each other why because they kind of want to fuck I love that yeah

i mean that's the lesbian dream give me a low brow sexual tension yeah between two tens yeah that are kind of solving a murder so let me just tell you did you see the south by southwest when they're on the carpet no okay so what color is the carpet god knows i don't same i don't know okay so my special could be called red carpet red carpet's fun

i mean that's the lesbian dream give me a low brow sexual tension yeah between two tens yeah that are kind of solving a murder so let me just tell you did you see the south by southwest when they're on the carpet no okay so what color is the carpet god knows i don't same i don't know okay so my special could be called red carpet red carpet's fun

They have big egos. Anna Kendrick does not give diva to me. No, but the other one might.

They have big egos. Anna Kendrick does not give diva to me. No, but the other one might.

And that has been it for... Gay News News. Fuck yeah. I also have some gay news for you. Well, do we have to go back in? No. Wait, it's just porn. Wait, is Miss Piggy going down on Kermit? Okay, I do have some gay news for you. Oh, yeah, please. I have dropped and added. Sorry, not dropped. I'm dropping cities. I'm adding new ones to this like kind of like summary tour.

And that has been it for... Gay News News. Fuck yeah. I also have some gay news for you. Well, do we have to go back in? No. Wait, it's just porn. Wait, is Miss Piggy going down on Kermit? Okay, I do have some gay news for you. Oh, yeah, please. I have dropped and added. Sorry, not dropped. I'm dropping cities. I'm adding new ones to this like kind of like summary tour.

Yeah, Rachel Scanlon goes on the road. Yeah, and I am Rachel Scanlon hoes on the road. Very exciting. Very exciting. And I want to list these cities to you. They're available on my website. And I'm running this hour that has been the most fun to do. And the back half of the cities, I am bringing my wife to road trip with me, which is kind of insane. You heard it here first.

Yeah, Rachel Scanlon goes on the road. Yeah, and I am Rachel Scanlon hoes on the road. Very exciting. Very exciting. And I want to list these cities to you. They're available on my website. And I'm running this hour that has been the most fun to do. And the back half of the cities, I am bringing my wife to road trip with me, which is kind of insane. You heard it here first.

I'm coming to road trip with her. No, don't get them that excited. Mackenzie will not be there. Sorry.

I'm coming to road trip with her. No, don't get them that excited. Mackenzie will not be there. Sorry.

but in spirit and also i will be facetiming you yeah constantly the entire time okay so i'm gonna be in may 21st columbus ohio may 22nd cleveland june 6th eugene oregon june 11th emmaus aka eat my ass my ass uh june 15 i'm in bridgeport connecticut and then june 18 we got houston june 19th austin june 20th through 21st between four shows in dallas wait when are you in bridgeport

but in spirit and also i will be facetiming you yeah constantly the entire time okay so i'm gonna be in may 21st columbus ohio may 22nd cleveland june 6th eugene oregon june 11th emmaus aka eat my ass my ass uh june 15 i'm in bridgeport connecticut and then june 18 we got houston june 19th austin june 20th through 21st between four shows in dallas wait when are you in bridgeport

Bridgeport, June 15th.

Bridgeport, June 15th.

Okay, keep going. Okay, great. And then June 22nd, which is my birthday. Yeah. I will be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. the best place, some say, for a birthday show. My birthday in Oklahoma, June 22nd. I'm so excited. Do you know what's insane? I was telling my wife, I was like, every birthday for the past five years, I have been in a weird city. And I can't wait to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Okay, keep going. Okay, great. And then June 22nd, which is my birthday. Yeah. I will be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. the best place, some say, for a birthday show. My birthday in Oklahoma, June 22nd. I'm so excited. Do you know what's insane? I was telling my wife, I was like, every birthday for the past five years, I have been in a weird city. And I can't wait to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

So come see this hour and come laugh with me. It's been the most fun. And I just want to shout out to all the cities that I have been to through the winter. Half of this tour has been Truly some of the best times I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for everyone who has seen the show.

So come see this hour and come laugh with me. It's been the most fun. And I just want to shout out to all the cities that I have been to through the winter. Half of this tour has been Truly some of the best times I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for everyone who has seen the show.

It was the best.

It was the best.

Thanks for the plug. I love when you use that Diane voice.

Thanks for the plug. I love when you use that Diane voice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, for sure. Definitely real.

Yeah, for sure. Definitely real.

I saw crack. It's a lot of crack. It's so much more crack than I thought. I didn't think I'd see crack today at work. So I was going to send this to you because I did text you at the time.

I saw crack. It's a lot of crack. It's so much more crack than I thought. I didn't think I'd see crack today at work. So I was going to send this to you because I did text you at the time.

Because you look so sexy, it's insane. Stop. I picked you up, I was like, you're sexy. Well, I didn't show up like this. No, and then when you put the hat on, I was like, you're getting even sexier. Like, look how hot my co-host is. This is a bit. The Diane's and the Sharks are watching right now and they're going, awooga. Thank you. The hat's hot. Can we show them what the hat says?

Because you look so sexy, it's insane. Stop. I picked you up, I was like, you're sexy. Well, I didn't show up like this. No, and then when you put the hat on, I was like, you're getting even sexier. Like, look how hot my co-host is. This is a bit. The Diane's and the Sharks are watching right now and they're going, awooga. Thank you. The hat's hot. Can we show them what the hat says?

I'm so glad. I've always thought, like, because you're so beautiful and so sexy. You always have been. Cut it out. Sorry I've called you sexy so much today, but it is how I feel.

I'm so glad. I've always thought, like, because you're so beautiful and so sexy. You always have been. Cut it out. Sorry I've called you sexy so much today, but it is how I feel.

I showed my management my new headshots, which I've already shown you a hundred times. Yeah. And they were like, this is so adorable.

I showed my management my new headshots, which I've already shown you a hundred times. Yeah. And they were like, this is so adorable.

excuse me i just burped all over the place like it's not adorable i'm sorry i was taking a ginger shot um it's not adorable no it was giving like high fashion yeah it's hot i look tall yeah you look really good what the fuck no that's honestly fired fired the whole management team fired um wait no you're i'm so excited for you to show more skin thank you for showing me your ass cheeks and crack i never thought i'd make it this far i was scared that i wouldn't come through did they bruise you

excuse me i just burped all over the place like it's not adorable i'm sorry i was taking a ginger shot um it's not adorable no it was giving like high fashion yeah it's hot i look tall yeah you look really good what the fuck no that's honestly fired fired the whole management team fired um wait no you're i'm so excited for you to show more skin thank you for showing me your ass cheeks and crack i never thought i'd make it this far i was scared that i wouldn't come through did they bruise you

I thought you were going to show me a picture of your bruises. No. But I saw a picture of your ass, and that is really powerful. Nice ass, by the way. Was it the same color that you thought it would be? Yeah. It's actually, like, nice, man. But I was always known, like, you have such an amazing peach. Thank you so much. And I'm so glad I got to see it. Now, in return, I will show you my pussy.

I thought you were going to show me a picture of your bruises. No. But I saw a picture of your ass, and that is really powerful. Nice ass, by the way. Was it the same color that you thought it would be? Yeah. It's actually, like, nice, man. But I was always known, like, you have such an amazing peach. Thank you so much. And I'm so glad I got to see it. Now, in return, I will show you my pussy.

Not you ready. Go ahead. I'm waiting. Wait, I want to tell you something. If I may. Because we were texting the whole time I was gone because I was just in Toronto and then I went to Buffalo. And in between the two cities, you might be aware of this, there's a country line.

Not you ready. Go ahead. I'm waiting. Wait, I want to tell you something. If I may. Because we were texting the whole time I was gone because I was just in Toronto and then I went to Buffalo. And in between the two cities, you might be aware of this, there's a country line.

No, listen.

No, listen.

Toronto's in like a cool place with like. Yeah, no, I know. Canada's. Yeah. Obviously, it's so much cooler. Yeah. Yeah. And also shout out to all of our listeners in Canada. I'm obsessed with every Canadian we have.

Toronto's in like a cool place with like. Yeah, no, I know. Canada's. Yeah. Obviously, it's so much cooler. Yeah. Yeah. And also shout out to all of our listeners in Canada. I'm obsessed with every Canadian we have.

And I was so grateful to be there. But I took a train from Buffalo. No, sorry. From Toronto to Buffalo. And I had to. Toronto. Have you ever done this?

And I was so grateful to be there. But I took a train from Buffalo. No, sorry. From Toronto to Buffalo. And I had to. Toronto. Have you ever done this?

You know that. I've only been to Toronto with you. And then we fly in and out. You stupid. You stupid fucking bitch. I went and I had to take the train. Was it romantic? You know, without you was a little less. There was less tension. Yeah. Which I get that a lot. It was like a letdown. It was just me and my eggs.

You know that. I've only been to Toronto with you. And then we fly in and out. You stupid. You stupid fucking bitch. I went and I had to take the train. Was it romantic? You know, without you was a little less. There was less tension. Yeah. Which I get that a lot. It was like a letdown. It was just me and my eggs.

No, my god, my hard boiled eggs. I was taking the train and what they do to get through customs is you and all of your stuff, your bags, your backpack, your items, your eggs, and everybody on the train gets off of the train and you go through customs

No, my god, my hard boiled eggs. I was taking the train and what they do to get through customs is you and all of your stuff, your bags, your backpack, your items, your eggs, and everybody on the train gets off of the train and you go through customs

And what they do, and I'd never done this because I've done customs in like an airport where like, and sometimes at airports there might be like dogs who like sniff for stuff like around you. I've even sometimes walked past them and they sniff you and you go around. At this one, at this train station, they had all of us very much like to get back into the United States, they were acting like dogs.

And what they do, and I'd never done this because I've done customs in like an airport where like, and sometimes at airports there might be like dogs who like sniff for stuff like around you. I've even sometimes walked past them and they sniff you and you go around. At this one, at this train station, they had all of us very much like to get back into the United States, they were acting like dogs.

Yes, of course.

Yes, of course.

Like those men were like, we're men. Like they were wearing, it looked like, it looked like a binder, but it was, I think just for bullets. Yeah. And they were like, really, you know, Canadians, Super aggressive. They're known for that. The way that they don't have guns there. It was comical because it felt like I was on Reno 911.

Like those men were like, we're men. Like they were wearing, it looked like, it looked like a binder, but it was, I think just for bullets. Yeah. And they were like, really, you know, Canadians, Super aggressive. They're known for that. The way that they don't have guns there. It was comical because it felt like I was on Reno 911.

All of the TSA, all of the we're doing securing the border, all of it feels like theater and all of it is so serious.

All of the TSA, all of the we're doing securing the border, all of it feels like theater and all of it is so serious.

Oh, I think it's real. I think it's fake. Why? I think we were all doing a silly joke when we're like, I'm standing here and looking through this liquids. All of it is like a fake reaction to 9-11.

Oh, I think it's real. I think it's fake. Why? I think we were all doing a silly joke when we're like, I'm standing here and looking through this liquids. All of it is like a fake reaction to 9-11.

I think the whole thing's a sham. However, this one particularly. Yeah. Very, very performative. OK. And they had all of us like they literally like put your hands behind your back. Yeah. Do not touch this dog. Stand up against the wall and put your luggage in front of you. It's giving regime. It was very regime. It was very, very like they were and they they were being very serious, Ken. Wow.

I think the whole thing's a sham. However, this one particularly. Yeah. Very, very performative. OK. And they had all of us like they literally like put your hands behind your back. Yeah. Do not touch this dog. Stand up against the wall and put your luggage in front of you. It's giving regime. It was very regime. It was very, very like they were and they they were being very serious, Ken. Wow.

Yeah, put it a little back more. But it's so hot. I did a show in Buffalo, which was incredible. And when I went backstage, a security man came up to me and was like, here are two hats somebody gave. And they said to give it to you and to Ken. Did they both say Daddy? They both say Daddy.

Yeah, put it a little back more. But it's so hot. I did a show in Buffalo, which was incredible. And when I went backstage, a security man came up to me and was like, here are two hats somebody gave. And they said to give it to you and to Ken. Did they both say Daddy? They both say Daddy.

And I was like, as a clown, I was like, don't. I was like, just match their seriousness. Don't cut them down right now. Let these men do their jobs.

And I was like, as a clown, I was like, don't. I was like, just match their seriousness. Don't cut them down right now. Let these men do their jobs.

I know. Because they're so serious. Do you know when they're taking their job so seriously and you're like, this is dumb?

I know. Because they're so serious. Do you know when they're taking their job so seriously and you're like, this is dumb?

So I was like, I put my back up against the wall. I put my luggage in front of me. I was not petting their dog. And I was being really... They were like... Backs up against the wall. Don't move your hands. Don't move. They're acting like you're coming in from Yemen or something. It was actually like it was so crazy.

So I was like, I put my back up against the wall. I put my luggage in front of me. I was not petting their dog. And I was being really... They were like... Backs up against the wall. Don't move your hands. Don't move. They're acting like you're coming in from Yemen or something. It was actually like it was so crazy.

But then when this man took his dog to like he had like a like a training tool to like initiate the dog, like the dog hears the sound. And then once he hears the sound, that's when he starts sniffing for drugs.

But then when this man took his dog to like he had like a like a training tool to like initiate the dog, like the dog hears the sound. And then once he hears the sound, that's when he starts sniffing for drugs.

So we're all pretty scared because they're being like really serious with us. Then he brings his dog back. And when he makes the sound to initiate the dog, this is literally what the sound was. He went with his tongue like that.

So we're all pretty scared because they're being like really serious with us. Then he brings his dog back. And when he makes the sound to initiate the dog, this is literally what the sound was. He went with his tongue like that.

It was giving Paul Blart mall cop in every, I literally was like, are we not allowed to laugh?

It was giving Paul Blart mall cop in every, I literally was like, are we not allowed to laugh?

The way that he... He could have chose any sound and he's like, I'm going to train my German to never fight doing... Like, damn. That rocks. It was... humiliating for him and hysterical. I was like, I can't believe that none of us are pointing and laughing at him. You can't. I know men don't like when you laugh. They will lock you up. It was really, yeah, it was really humiliating.

The way that he... He could have chose any sound and he's like, I'm going to train my German to never fight doing... Like, damn. That rocks. It was... humiliating for him and hysterical. I was like, I can't believe that none of us are pointing and laughing at him. You can't. I know men don't like when you laugh. They will lock you up. It was really, yeah, it was really humiliating.

Hey, I'm glad you got it out of there.

Hey, I'm glad you got it out of there.

Yeah, I had them all in my ass. They couldn't find them. Crack to bed. Now I'll show you my pussy. Thank you so much. Don't look at How dare you? Dude, I was so. I'd love to hear a female cop. Yeah. Queef. Queef to show their German shepherd that that's the command. That's the dog's command is a queef. I just felt like I was on a reality show.

Yeah, I had them all in my ass. They couldn't find them. Crack to bed. Now I'll show you my pussy. Thank you so much. Don't look at How dare you? Dude, I was so. I'd love to hear a female cop. Yeah. Queef. Queef to show their German shepherd that that's the command. That's the dog's command is a queef. I just felt like I was on a reality show.

Like I felt like this was my version of like, you know, that popular show where the guy. Yeah. I was like, is this Reno 911?

Like I felt like this was my version of like, you know, that popular show where the guy. Yeah. I was like, is this Reno 911?

They said, give this to Ken.

They said, give this to Ken.

Well... A Diane mommy and Diane daddy? The hat is really cute. Thank you. Yeah. I wonder if people think... No. No what? They were like, you need to give this to Ken.

Well... A Diane mommy and Diane daddy? The hat is really cute. Thank you. Yeah. I wonder if people think... No. No what? They were like, you need to give this to Ken.

I won the... First place. I feel like if you're trying to make me impress with you, it's working. I'm trying to turn you on. It's working. I feel like you people... What do you mean by you people? Okay. People are... I think people... underestimate your physical abilities because you give frail. I give frail. You give like autoimmune issues. For sure.

I won the... First place. I feel like if you're trying to make me impress with you, it's working. I'm trying to turn you on. It's working. I feel like you people... What do you mean by you people? Okay. People are... I think people... underestimate your physical abilities because you give frail. I give frail. You give like autoimmune issues. For sure.

But like every once in a while you will surprise me with how coordinated you are. Surprisingly good at softball. Surprisingly good at pickleball. Thank you. I'm an athlete.

But like every once in a while you will surprise me with how coordinated you are. Surprisingly good at softball. Surprisingly good at pickleball. Thank you. I'm an athlete.

I have a serious issue with my bones.

I have a serious issue with my bones.

big fish little pond I go to the big pond yeah and I go into tennis um and you know I'm big into tennis I've been trying to get to Wimbledon for six years you have you love tennis I love tennis so much I love pickleball the way that you love tennis where like I want to every time I'm not here I want to be on the court yeah with my friends who are me European and much older than me

big fish little pond I go to the big pond yeah and I go into tennis um and you know I'm big into tennis I've been trying to get to Wimbledon for six years you have you love tennis I love tennis so much I love pickleball the way that you love tennis where like I want to every time I'm not here I want to be on the court yeah with my friends who are me European and much older than me

And, yeah, who you met at our wedding.

And, yeah, who you met at our wedding.

Yeah, tennis to me is very sexy. And pickleball is so queer coded because it's all it's like the lesbians. Like, that's what we do now.

Yeah, tennis to me is very sexy. And pickleball is so queer coded because it's all it's like the lesbians. Like, that's what we do now.

If they heard you call them elderly, I want you to know that these people are in their 60s. Sorry, I take that back. They're incredibly talented. I love these people. They've taken me under their wing and they're amazing at pickleball. Yeah. They taught me everything I know. They don't know what I do because it's like not relevant. It's actually it's really fun as I get older. Like my friends.

If they heard you call them elderly, I want you to know that these people are in their 60s. Sorry, I take that back. They're incredibly talented. I love these people. They've taken me under their wing and they're amazing at pickleball. Yeah. They taught me everything I know. They don't know what I do because it's like not relevant. It's actually it's really fun as I get older. Like my friends.

I think this is a mixture of being in my 30s and being sober. Like my friend group is so particular to like an activity that we do together. Yeah. Like I have my pickleball friends. Right. Like I have my hiking group. I have my like queer run people. What am I? You're my friend. Yeah. Hated it.

I think this is a mixture of being in my 30s and being sober. Like my friend group is so particular to like an activity that we do together. Yeah. Like I have my pickleball friends. Right. Like I have my hiking group. I have my like queer run people. What am I? You're my friend. Yeah. Hated it.

Bleep it, but I want to be able to hear the f. You know what I mean? And maybe the k. So just bleep the uh. Say it one more time. Uh. Let's call it what it is. You're my fuck friend. And then leave that one. But it's fun that your friends get a little bit more specific. So because of that aspect of my friendship with these pickleball friends, they have no idea what I do for work.

Bleep it, but I want to be able to hear the f. You know what I mean? And maybe the k. So just bleep the uh. Say it one more time. Uh. Let's call it what it is. You're my fuck friend. And then leave that one. But it's fun that your friends get a little bit more specific. So because of that aspect of my friendship with these pickleball friends, they have no idea what I do for work.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they have no idea whatever, except for one of them who came to my wedding and you met her because she's on my inner circle. And she told one of the other pickleballers what I do for work. So keep in mind, none of these people follow me on Instagram. None of them. We're not social media people. We just play pickleball. We're on a WhatsApp group chat and that's it. Yeah.

And they have no idea whatever, except for one of them who came to my wedding and you met her because she's on my inner circle. And she told one of the other pickleballers what I do for work. So keep in mind, none of these people follow me on Instagram. None of them. We're not social media people. We just play pickleball. We're on a WhatsApp group chat and that's it. Yeah.

And I opened up my DMs the other day and one of these girls from Pickleball messaged me and was like, hey, like one of our people told me that you're a. And me and my husband watched all of your videos and we loved it. And I'm like, okay, so now I'm scared. Now I'm scared. Because my content is not for the pickleball community. Your content. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

And I opened up my DMs the other day and one of these girls from Pickleball messaged me and was like, hey, like one of our people told me that you're a. And me and my husband watched all of your videos and we loved it. And I'm like, okay, so now I'm scared. Now I'm scared. Because my content is not for the pickleball community. Your content. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Also, if the Dines and the Sharks and everyone listening to this can manifest that this hour that I'm touring right now, I want Mackenzie to direct my next special. That's what I'm putting out into the universe.

Also, if the Dines and the Sharks and everyone listening to this can manifest that this hour that I'm touring right now, I want Mackenzie to direct my next special. That's what I'm putting out into the universe.

My content's a little bit like I'm talking about my bush a lot.

My content's a little bit like I'm talking about my bush a lot.

Whenever I go anywhere and people are like, what do you do? I say nothing. I don't have a job.

Whenever I go anywhere and people are like, what do you do? I say nothing. I don't have a job.

I don't do nothing. My wife takes care of me. I'm just a house husband. I'm a pool boy. I'm a pool boy for my wife. At best. Also, we do give pool boy energy. For sure. Imagine me. With a job. No, dude. Now I'm like, I can't believe my pickleballers have seen that. That worries me.

I don't do nothing. My wife takes care of me. I'm just a house husband. I'm a pool boy. I'm a pool boy for my wife. At best. Also, we do give pool boy energy. For sure. Imagine me. With a job. No, dude. Now I'm like, I can't believe my pickleballers have seen that. That worries me.

I can't show my face on the court ever again. Go in makeup. Okay.

I can't show my face on the court ever again. Go in makeup. Okay.

Also, this is like, this reminds me of something that I did humiliatingly because I'm having, Mackenzie and I do a live episode every month.

Also, this is like, this reminds me of something that I did humiliatingly because I'm having, Mackenzie and I do a live episode every month.

So sorry. You and I do it. Hey, I'm right here. I was talking to the Diane's. And I'm so sorry. We have a monthly live episode that we do.

So sorry. You and I do it. Hey, I'm right here. I was talking to the Diane's. And I'm so sorry. We have a monthly live episode that we do.

Which is very fun.

Which is very fun.

We have a lot to say. And then the next day we're going to the GLAAD Awards. No, no, no. Oh. April. Oh, April. Sorry, I forgot what month we were in.

We have a lot to say. And then the next day we're going to the GLAAD Awards. No, no, no. Oh. April. Oh, April. Sorry, I forgot what month we were in.

There's a lot happening. Yeah. I'm really trying to meet Dochi.

There's a lot happening. Yeah. I'm really trying to meet Dochi.

Anyways.

Anyways.

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Hella flexi. Hella flexi. All this to say, I was thinking about it because I had you over the other week. And I need you to know that I have this issue where I don't like to see cords anywhere in my house. Do you know what I mean? I don't like to see cords. And I can't handle them. I've started to tape. I've started to duct tape. all of my cords on the back of the TV with duct tape.

Hella flexi. Hella flexi. All this to say, I was thinking about it because I had you over the other week. And I need you to know that I have this issue where I don't like to see cords anywhere in my house. Do you know what I mean? I don't like to see cords. And I can't handle them. I've started to tape. I've started to duct tape. all of my cords on the back of the TV with duct tape.

However, the duct tape gets too heavy and it falls. And then all of my cords are in like a duct tape mess. And I came home and I started to cut the duct tape off to use a different adhesive. And I just cut all my cords.

However, the duct tape gets too heavy and it falls. And then all of my cords are in like a duct tape mess. And I came home and I started to cut the duct tape off to use a different adhesive. And I just cut all my cords.

You didn't feel it? I didn't feel shit. I was so mad about the cords. I was really dialed in. I was like, I can't believe all these. You know, I was kind of, I was tired. I didn't sleep the night before. So you came in. I came in.

You didn't feel it? I didn't feel shit. I was so mad about the cords. I was really dialed in. I was like, I can't believe all these. You know, I was kind of, I was tired. I didn't sleep the night before. So you came in. I came in.

Because then that's straight up very much... You're behind the camera. That's Amy Poehler from Mean Girls and Me. Hard. You are. And I. If I'm not. I know. I know. Or Regina George. You know me. Okay. The next hour is cold. Fire crotch. Yeah. Done. Done. Done. Somebody write that down. You know what I was thinking about?

Because then that's straight up very much... You're behind the camera. That's Amy Poehler from Mean Girls and Me. Hard. You are. And I. If I'm not. I know. I know. Or Regina George. You know me. Okay. The next hour is cold. Fire crotch. Yeah. Done. Done. Done. Somebody write that down. You know what I was thinking about?

Yes. The bows, soundbar, everything. Clean cut. So you have to replace everything?

Yes. The bows, soundbar, everything. Clean cut. So you have to replace everything?

It's like your boyfriend's back and he's ruining all your dumb shit. Like, I'm just zip. Nazar is like, hey, maybe for a second we breathe. Maybe we breathe for one second. God, you and Erica are so similar. That's something she'd fucking do.

It's like your boyfriend's back and he's ruining all your dumb shit. Like, I'm just zip. Nazar is like, hey, maybe for a second we breathe. Maybe we breathe for one second. God, you and Erica are so similar. That's something she'd fucking do.

yeah i'll pop it on um let's end this episode with an ask a dyke okay and if you guys have an ask a dyke um you can either email it to us but the best way or we have a dyke hotline you can leave a voicemail but i love the voicemails voicemails we love keep them to 60 seconds if you could please but the fastest way to get it to us is if you type it out print it laminate it get it notarized and then shove it right up your ass we'll be we're right there waiting we're always in your ass already ready and waiting for an ask a dyke

yeah i'll pop it on um let's end this episode with an ask a dyke okay and if you guys have an ask a dyke um you can either email it to us but the best way or we have a dyke hotline you can leave a voicemail but i love the voicemails voicemails we love keep them to 60 seconds if you could please but the fastest way to get it to us is if you type it out print it laminate it get it notarized and then shove it right up your ass we'll be we're right there waiting we're always in your ass already ready and waiting for an ask a dyke

Okay. And this is like, honestly, of course, if you've seen my stand up, I do refer to this a lot. I sleep wet. I'm a wet sleeper. Okay. I sleep hard. And I know exactly what you're talking about. My body, for whatever reason, will always run too hot. Yeah. So the issue is if I'm cold, my body will overheat. And if obviously if you turn the heat on, then it's too hot. I'm overheating again.

Okay. And this is like, honestly, of course, if you've seen my stand up, I do refer to this a lot. I sleep wet. I'm a wet sleeper. Okay. I sleep hard. And I know exactly what you're talking about. My body, for whatever reason, will always run too hot. Yeah. So the issue is if I'm cold, my body will overheat. And if obviously if you turn the heat on, then it's too hot. I'm overheating again.

No matter what, I'm sweating in bed.

No matter what, I'm sweating in bed.

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Just like in A Year Without a Santa Claus. Yeah. There's one boiling hot Mr. 101 and then there's one icicle. And honestly, and this is so weird, Leah, if you could do a side-by-side, you do kind of look like the cold one.

Just like in A Year Without a Santa Claus. Yeah. There's one boiling hot Mr. 101 and then there's one icicle. And honestly, and this is so weird, Leah, if you could do a side-by-side, you do kind of look like the cold one.

Yeah, there's something that I think is important about this conversation that we're not having. I agree.

Yeah, there's something that I think is important about this conversation that we're not having. I agree.

For sure. And then you get cold when it's off. Sleep naked. Well, I assumed that y'all sleep in Nike. Some people don't. Ew.

For sure. And then you get cold when it's off. Sleep naked. Well, I assumed that y'all sleep in Nike. Some people don't. Ew.

I've seen your sleepwear.

I've seen your sleepwear.

You know how there's like, if you take a class, they'll be like a Neanderthal and like an ape and then a human being. And they're slowly anamorphic into like a standing up like Homo sapien. Pokemoning. I'm thinking that is the cover, but it's Jojo Siwa. Okay. No, it's Honey Boo Boo. Sorry, it's Honey Boo Boo, then Jojo Siwa, then me, then Fortune Feimster.

You know how there's like, if you take a class, they'll be like a Neanderthal and like an ape and then a human being. And they're slowly anamorphic into like a standing up like Homo sapien. Pokemoning. I'm thinking that is the cover, but it's Jojo Siwa. Okay. No, it's Honey Boo Boo. Sorry, it's Honey Boo Boo, then Jojo Siwa, then me, then Fortune Feimster.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes. Two dykes. Two dykes. One mic. One mic. One mic. One mic. Yeah. Two dykes. Two dykes. Who dykes? Who dykes? We dykes. We dykes. We dykes. Yeah.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes. Two dykes. Two dykes. One mic. One mic. One mic. One mic. Yeah. Two dykes. Two dykes. Who dykes? Who dykes? We dykes. We dykes. We dykes. Yeah.

No.

No.

I'm working on... I did not know this, because you and I used to share rooms together. Yeah. But I sleep with just ponties. Hot. And... The boys are out. Wow. Good for you. I love you calling them the boys. The boys are out. And I'm sweaty fully. And I think it's like, I don't mind. Like, my partner and I are always still, like, full. And she knows, like, I'm a sweaty sleeper.

I'm working on... I did not know this, because you and I used to share rooms together. Yeah. But I sleep with just ponties. Hot. And... The boys are out. Wow. Good for you. I love you calling them the boys. The boys are out. And I'm sweaty fully. And I think it's like, I don't mind. Like, my partner and I are always still, like, full. And she knows, like, I'm a sweaty sleeper.

You know what's insane? I'm always betwixt her cheeks. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always some type of contact. Even if you're too hot, it's okay. You still keep in hand. I think that's the advice. Even if you have to separate, make sure your hand is still between her butt cheeks. Question answered. My wife has been doing this weird thing lately because we usually fall asleep. She's holding me.

You know what's insane? I'm always betwixt her cheeks. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always some type of contact. Even if you're too hot, it's okay. You still keep in hand. I think that's the advice. Even if you have to separate, make sure your hand is still between her butt cheeks. Question answered. My wife has been doing this weird thing lately because we usually fall asleep. She's holding me.

I'm sweating inside of her hands. That is so crazy.

I'm sweating inside of her hands. That is so crazy.

I'm just ready. I'm warmed up. And she loves it. You know what I mean? Because she's like, warm me up. And I'm like, come here. I'm your little hot bitch. Furnished, yeah. But what she'd been doing lately, and I'm wondering if this has happened within your marriage, I fall asleep. waiting for her to big spoon me. She grabs her pillow, puts it right on top of my head and sleeps on my head.

I'm just ready. I'm warmed up. And she loves it. You know what I mean? Because she's like, warm me up. And I'm like, come here. I'm your little hot bitch. Furnished, yeah. But what she'd been doing lately, and I'm wondering if this has happened within your marriage, I fall asleep. waiting for her to big spoon me. She grabs her pillow, puts it right on top of my head and sleeps on my head.

I thought you were going to say that she's trying to suffocate you to death. Well, it feels a little, and I like it because I like to feel like she puts her pillow on top of my head. And I'm like, if there was a bunk bed, our heads were on the bunk bed. I'm the bottom bunk. Her head's the top bunk. She's skull to skull. Yeah, basically.

I thought you were going to say that she's trying to suffocate you to death. Well, it feels a little, and I like it because I like to feel like she puts her pillow on top of my head. And I'm like, if there was a bunk bed, our heads were on the bunk bed. I'm the bottom bunk. Her head's the top bunk. She's skull to skull. Yeah, basically.

Skull, pillow, skull. Yeah, and then her body around mine. That is how we fall asleep lately.

Skull, pillow, skull. Yeah, and then her body around mine. That is how we fall asleep lately.

You know what? I'll have you come on over. We'll all crawl into bed. I'd like to see this up close.

You know what? I'll have you come on over. We'll all crawl into bed. I'd like to see this up close.

Listen, we're both facing the same way, if that helps you. No, I would assume. Okay, yeah.

Listen, we're both facing the same way, if that helps you. No, I would assume. Okay, yeah.

We all are. Honey, we're all worried about me breathing.

We all are. Honey, we're all worried about me breathing.

I think like queer people are so funny because we're always like, like this question is so us to be like, well, God, we're not going to part.

I think like queer people are so funny because we're always like, like this question is so us to be like, well, God, we're not going to part.

We're always going to be touching each other.

We're always going to be touching each other.

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Just still breathe. Thank you for your ask a dyke. I hope that what we said helps. I hope that you guys are happy and healthy and sweaty in bed. I know I am.

Just still breathe. Thank you for your ask a dyke. I hope that what we said helps. I hope that you guys are happy and healthy and sweaty in bed. I know I am.

We can't wait to see you guys on the road. We love you so much. Take care of each other. We'll see you next week. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. I'm Rachel Scanlon-Ali. Go do something gay today. Bye. Bye.

We can't wait to see you guys on the road. We love you so much. Take care of each other. We'll see you next week. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. I'm Rachel Scanlon-Ali. Go do something gay today. Bye. Bye.

It ends on me, but like the Fortune Feimster. And then after that, it could fully be like Carrot Top. Yeah. And then back to me. Yeah. And then Bob the Tomato.

It ends on me, but like the Fortune Feimster. And then after that, it could fully be like Carrot Top. Yeah. And then back to me. Yeah. And then Bob the Tomato.

fire crotch fire crotches throughout time in history is actually just kind of fun to think about anyways uh you look hot as fuck and thank you to the diane who came to the show and brought us these beautiful hats we literally love them listen i love a gift and i'll wear it until the end of gay news so let's get into some good good good good gay news news you're sexy you have sex appeal i'm so fucking sick of you pretending like you're not the hottest bitch in town

fire crotch fire crotches throughout time in history is actually just kind of fun to think about anyways uh you look hot as fuck and thank you to the diane who came to the show and brought us these beautiful hats we literally love them listen i love a gift and i'll wear it until the end of gay news so let's get into some good good good good gay news news you're sexy you have sex appeal i'm so fucking sick of you pretending like you're not the hottest bitch in town

When you put a hat on, I feel stuff in my thigh. You have to stop.

When you put a hat on, I feel stuff in my thigh. You have to stop.

That's illegal. Okay. Tell me what's going on in the gay world. You can't drop that and then go. What?

That's illegal. Okay. Tell me what's going on in the gay world. You can't drop that and then go. What?

If had, then would. If had, then would. And do and won't. Did you hear that Hooters is going bankrupt? No. It's because they never embrace the lesbian community. I agree. And I will stand on this firmly. Hooters is gone because they won't address the elephant in the room, and that's the lesbian community.

If had, then would. If had, then would. And do and won't. Did you hear that Hooters is going bankrupt? No. It's because they never embrace the lesbian community. I agree. And I will stand on this firmly. Hooters is gone because they won't address the elephant in the room, and that's the lesbian community.

Boy, do we have a good one for you today. I'm so excited. I love private or public episodes. Yes, this is public, which does remind us, if you're listening to this podcast and you want to see the weekly episodes. Right.

Boy, do we have a good one for you today. I'm so excited. I love private or public episodes. Yes, this is public, which does remind us, if you're listening to this podcast and you want to see the weekly episodes. Right.

Wait, Joanne's? Fully. You're telling me only Michael's is standing? And if that ain't the patriarchy, then I don't know what the fuck is. I'm upset about it. Oh, excuse me. The wife and I are going to Michael's?

Wait, Joanne's? Fully. You're telling me only Michael's is standing? And if that ain't the patriarchy, then I don't know what the fuck is. I'm upset about it. Oh, excuse me. The wife and I are going to Michael's?

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This does remind me kind of like kind of circling back into Hooters.

This does remind me kind of like kind of circling back into Hooters.

Like when I first came out, I had this reckoning. Yeah. Of like, I'm gay now.

Like when I first came out, I had this reckoning. Yeah. Of like, I'm gay now.

I'm wearing shirts that say I heart boobies. I'm going to Hooters unironically. I'm taking still photos with all of my friends tits going, mommy. Yeah. And it does feel like that just came out. Do you know when you're you've been closeted for so long and then you're like, I'm actually here and I'm taking up this queer space. Yeah. That's what you get. That's that time right there.

I'm wearing shirts that say I heart boobies. I'm going to Hooters unironically. I'm taking still photos with all of my friends tits going, mommy. Yeah. And it does feel like that just came out. Do you know when you're you've been closeted for so long and then you're like, I'm actually here and I'm taking up this queer space. Yeah. That's what you get. That's that time right there.

I think it's a sweet spot.

I think it's a sweet spot.

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A little squirtier, if you will. And I will. And so will I. And so will I. They're available on Spotify. You click that little lock. You've seen the lock. Yeah, you sign up.

A little squirtier, if you will. And I will. And so will I. And so will I. They're available on Spotify. You click that little lock. You've seen the lock. Yeah, you sign up.

everyone's eyeballs on you all the time right but it's interesting to start a band together and then be romantically involved I think it's like very much queer culture well it's also like starting a podcast with somebody that you're dating well I was just thinking someday down the line like do we tell them that we're in a relationship Or do you want to just keep up this facade?

everyone's eyeballs on you all the time right but it's interesting to start a band together and then be romantically involved I think it's like very much queer culture well it's also like starting a podcast with somebody that you're dating well I was just thinking someday down the line like do we tell them that we're in a relationship Or do you want to just keep up this facade?

That we're both married to other people? Well, we could also be married and still be in a relationship. Open your mind. It's 2025.

That we're both married to other people? Well, we could also be married and still be in a relationship. Open your mind. It's 2025.

Yeah, people are like, it's tough. But do you know what's insane? As I was speaking and picturing us having a romantic relationship, it would be less. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? Why? Why are you doing this?

Yeah, people are like, it's tough. But do you know what's insane? As I was speaking and picturing us having a romantic relationship, it would be less. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? Why? Why are you doing this?

don't sit here and pretend like you've never crunched the numbers of us i crunched the numbers of us yeah week one week one fine and i said every once in a while my brain will go carry the one and it's me carrying the one i'm kidding it's ken she's so strong and i'm light But I crunched numbers. Think about this. Here's what's the truth to truth.

don't sit here and pretend like you've never crunched the numbers of us i crunched the numbers of us yeah week one week one fine and i said every once in a while my brain will go carry the one and it's me carrying the one i'm kidding it's ken she's so strong and i'm light But I crunched numbers. Think about this. Here's what's the truth to truth.

If you and I were to embark on a romantic slash sexual relationship, it would be less intimate than what we have now. I agree. We would be taking away something from our closeness if we were to sleep together. I agree. Like it would be a step backwards.

If you and I were to embark on a romantic slash sexual relationship, it would be less intimate than what we have now. I agree. We would be taking away something from our closeness if we were to sleep together. I agree. Like it would be a step backwards.

Because I don't think that most people realize how intimate of a relationship you have with to be in a long-term podcast travel relationship with somebody. But it's beyond sex. And we like each other.

Because I don't think that most people realize how intimate of a relationship you have with to be in a long-term podcast travel relationship with somebody. But it's beyond sex. And we like each other.

I'm screaming at you pitching it. That rocks. Yeah, but I mean, honestly, with inflation, we've never raised our prices. I know, and we won't. And I'll tell you one thing. Starbucks is steep these days.

I'm screaming at you pitching it. That rocks. Yeah, but I mean, honestly, with inflation, we've never raised our prices. I know, and we won't. And I'll tell you one thing. Starbucks is steep these days.

And when we cut, we go... It's kind of special. It is. So don't try to fuck me anymore. Do you crunch the numbers with all of your friends? Constantly. I don't even want to. Do you know our friend that we all have? That you and I have close? Oh, yeah. I still crunch those numbers all the time. And you go, no. But my brain won't stop.

And when we cut, we go... It's kind of special. It is. So don't try to fuck me anymore. Do you crunch the numbers with all of your friends? Constantly. I don't even want to. Do you know our friend that we all have? That you and I have close? Oh, yeah. I still crunch those numbers all the time. And you go, no. But my brain won't stop.

You're crunching the numbers? You have to. I think so, too.

You're crunching the numbers? You have to. I think so, too.

Yes. It's never like I'm crunching the numbers and I go, damn, I missed out. I'm always crunching the numbers and I'm like... Sad. But I can't. I'm always crunching them. And sometimes... Because this is a math-based podcast. This is... I hope you all... Two dykes plus one mic equals math. This is a gay mathematics podcast.

Yes. It's never like I'm crunching the numbers and I go, damn, I missed out. I'm always crunching the numbers and I'm like... Sad. But I can't. I'm always crunching them. And sometimes... Because this is a math-based podcast. This is... I hope you all... Two dykes plus one mic equals math. This is a gay mathematics podcast.

We're in the wrong... By the way, people are always like, you're in health and sexuality. We should be in mathematics and religion.

We're in the wrong... By the way, people are always like, you're in health and sexuality. We should be in mathematics and religion.

No, it's always like you'd like this if you like this. And it's so weird that it's not mathematics.

No, it's always like you'd like this if you like this. And it's so weird that it's not mathematics.

people are weird anyways yeah i crunch the numbers all the time i think about it all the time in other gay news i know that you had something you wanted to bring up i want to bring up the influx of queer music right now hey you know what it is tell me spring has sprung we're about to hit summer summer is for the gays oh is that so they release their music so that now we can learn it for summer yeah because we have obviously the giver chapel yeah we have a whole new album from gaga

people are weird anyways yeah i crunch the numbers all the time i think about it all the time in other gay news i know that you had something you wanted to bring up i want to bring up the influx of queer music right now hey you know what it is tell me spring has sprung we're about to hit summer summer is for the gays oh is that so they release their music so that now we can learn it for summer yeah because we have obviously the giver chapel yeah we have a whole new album from gaga

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Wait, I'm hearing... Are they not openly straight? I think they are, but I put them in there because their music feels like it's for us. The lesbian community. It does. But is it not? I have a huge overlap between women scorned and then lesbian music because I feel like we kind of come together. Yeah. Because this feels like their breakup album. I love them as a band. For sure.

Wait, I'm hearing... Are they not openly straight? I think they are, but I put them in there because their music feels like it's for us. The lesbian community. It does. But is it not? I have a huge overlap between women scorned and then lesbian music because I feel like we kind of come together. Yeah. Because this feels like their breakup album. I love them as a band. For sure.

So if you're like, hey, why isn't every week? It is every week. But come over to the other side of Spotify and get these episodes. They're awesome.

So if you're like, hey, why isn't every week? It is every week. But come over to the other side of Spotify and get these episodes. They're awesome.

They shouldn't. Haim should not DJ. It was one of the worst DJ sets I've ever heard. Interesting. No shade. No shade. We fucking love Haim. I love them. I love them. Three Sisters from the Valley rockin' music. Obsessed.

They shouldn't. Haim should not DJ. It was one of the worst DJ sets I've ever heard. Interesting. No shade. No shade. We fucking love Haim. I love them. I love them. Three Sisters from the Valley rockin' music. Obsessed.

Leah, will you fact check us? I don't think they're openly queer, but they feel like one of them is. And they're like, oh, it's just not a big deal. I just haven't come out yet. I think it's just they have long hair. There is such an overlap between girls with such long straight hair. When I look at a Mormon, I'm like... Or like very like conservative Christians.

Leah, will you fact check us? I don't think they're openly queer, but they feel like one of them is. And they're like, oh, it's just not a big deal. I just haven't come out yet. I think it's just they have long hair. There is such an overlap between girls with such long straight hair. When I look at a Mormon, I'm like... Or like very like conservative Christians.

They're like, we don't drink pop, but we eat pussy.

They're like, we don't drink pop, but we eat pussy.

To experiment. They went to the Silver Lake to like grow out their underarm hair and to like have a girlfriend. My girlfriends are they them. You know what I mean? They're, they're my girlfriend. And now they're back, dropping an album.

To experiment. They went to the Silver Lake to like grow out their underarm hair and to like have a girlfriend. My girlfriends are they them. You know what I mean? They're, they're my girlfriend. And now they're back, dropping an album.

We're on the spring tour. It's called the Going Hog Wild Tour, which means right now we are in Cardiff. But tomorrow we have a show in Brighton. Then on April 4th, we'll be in London. April 17th, we're in Madison. April 18th, Minneapolis. It's almost sold out. Sorry. April 19th, we're in Washington, D.C. April 23rd, we're in Los Angeles.

I don't have a woman. Okay, I want to hold space for this Celine Dijon being like, let me be inclusive even with me naming partners that I could have. Exciting for us here, for you particularly. I have to say something. What? I know that on this pod, I feel like we're kind of like over trying to speculate on Madame Swath's sexuality. Okay. Taylor Swift's sexuality is not for any of us to know.

Although you have given me a disease and now I'm a fucking Taylor truther.

i'm a galer truther you're a galer truther i have you've left this chat i've left the chat because i'm like okay but i you left the chat and you left me here in this world that i didn't want to be a part of in the first place right and i'm sorry and now here i am i have this issue that i deal with which i'm still just on galer tiktok okay have you seen the man who's the football guy her boyfriend no another friend of her boyfriend's a

He's like, I think a Trump supporter.

Yes. He's got curly hair like mine. He was talking about, I just saw a TikTok. You sent it to me. This is why I'm stuck over here. You bitch. He was talking about Taylor Swift and he accidentally fumbles and he goes, I was with Taylor and her wife. I mean, my wife.

It still made no sense, and it was one of those slips where I was just like... Well, because listen, you've made me a gayler truther against my will. And I got this little piece of content. I went, the Internet's going to lose their mind over this. And then I go on the Internet. Nobody's really talking about it. And I'm like, why am I still the only one who cares? You fucking broke me.

I'm so sorry. I think no one gives a shit anymore. I think this was back in 2020. We just have so many bigger fish to fry than Taylor Swift's bisexuality. Yeah. However, that clip that you sent me in particular was so funny. No, I know that I almost sharted. Yeah.

First of all, I didn't know you could win it.

For what? Best Ben Affleck film? Yeah.

Can't believe Gigli didn't win. No, it would be Argo. No, it would be... Argo's very good. I'm not going to see Argo. Don't fucking make me. What is the best? The best Ben Affleck movie. Please. The one. The one. Good Will Hunting. Is he even in that? I know Matt Damon is. Yeah. Matt Damon looking like a little lessee.

OK, wait. So Ben Affleck won South by Southwest. Oh, A Simple Favor 2 is upon us. So there's all these, you know, squeakles that came out and A Simple Favor 2.

If you haven't watched a simple favor, first of all, get the fuck away from me.

Yeah. All I know is that A Simple Favor was one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. And now that it's coming back around, I'm just hoping it's not out yet during the time of this recording. I'm hoping it's gayer than ever. I hope they just dial it up. I love like a movie that feels like a telenovela. And that is. Exactly what.

me just blowing through it like yeah I think I got there that's how you pronounce it no notes and also I love a soap opera movies aren't going melodramatic yeah I love a melodramatic movie especially to women a will they won't they high tension when it's when they're so into each other they're obsessed it feels like do you know with Sandra Oh like it feels like that show they're obsessed with each other one's good one's bad but they're like they're obsessed with each other why because they kind of want to fuck I love that yeah

i mean that's the lesbian dream give me a low brow sexual tension yeah between two tens yeah that are kind of solving a murder so let me just tell you did you see the south by southwest when they're on the carpet no okay so what color is the carpet god knows i don't same i don't know okay so my special could be called red carpet red carpet's fun

They have big egos. Anna Kendrick does not give diva to me. No, but the other one might.

And that has been it for... Gay News News. Fuck yeah. I also have some gay news for you. Well, do we have to go back in? No. Wait, it's just porn. Wait, is Miss Piggy going down on Kermit? Okay, I do have some gay news for you. Oh, yeah, please. I have dropped and added. Sorry, not dropped. I'm dropping cities. I'm adding new ones to this like kind of like summary tour.

Yeah, Rachel Scanlon goes on the road. Yeah, and I am Rachel Scanlon hoes on the road. Very exciting. Very exciting. And I want to list these cities to you. They're available on my website. And I'm running this hour that has been the most fun to do. And the back half of the cities, I am bringing my wife to road trip with me, which is kind of insane. You heard it here first.

I'm coming to road trip with her. No, don't get them that excited. Mackenzie will not be there. Sorry.

but in spirit and also i will be facetiming you yeah constantly the entire time okay so i'm gonna be in may 21st columbus ohio may 22nd cleveland june 6th eugene oregon june 11th emmaus aka eat my ass my ass uh june 15 i'm in bridgeport connecticut and then june 18 we got houston june 19th austin june 20th through 21st between four shows in dallas wait when are you in bridgeport

Bridgeport, June 15th.

Okay, keep going. Okay, great. And then June 22nd, which is my birthday. Yeah. I will be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. the best place, some say, for a birthday show. My birthday in Oklahoma, June 22nd. I'm so excited. Do you know what's insane? I was telling my wife, I was like, every birthday for the past five years, I have been in a weird city. And I can't wait to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

So come see this hour and come laugh with me. It's been the most fun. And I just want to shout out to all the cities that I have been to through the winter. Half of this tour has been Truly some of the best times I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for everyone who has seen the show.

It was the best.

Thanks for the plug. I love when you use that Diane voice.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, for sure. Definitely real.

I saw crack. It's a lot of crack. It's so much more crack than I thought. I didn't think I'd see crack today at work. So I was going to send this to you because I did text you at the time.

Because you look so sexy, it's insane. Stop. I picked you up, I was like, you're sexy. Well, I didn't show up like this. No, and then when you put the hat on, I was like, you're getting even sexier. Like, look how hot my co-host is. This is a bit. The Diane's and the Sharks are watching right now and they're going, awooga. Thank you. The hat's hot. Can we show them what the hat says?

I'm so glad. I've always thought, like, because you're so beautiful and so sexy. You always have been. Cut it out. Sorry I've called you sexy so much today, but it is how I feel.

I showed my management my new headshots, which I've already shown you a hundred times. Yeah. And they were like, this is so adorable.

excuse me i just burped all over the place like it's not adorable i'm sorry i was taking a ginger shot um it's not adorable no it was giving like high fashion yeah it's hot i look tall yeah you look really good what the fuck no that's honestly fired fired the whole management team fired um wait no you're i'm so excited for you to show more skin thank you for showing me your ass cheeks and crack i never thought i'd make it this far i was scared that i wouldn't come through did they bruise you

I thought you were going to show me a picture of your bruises. No. But I saw a picture of your ass, and that is really powerful. Nice ass, by the way. Was it the same color that you thought it would be? Yeah. It's actually, like, nice, man. But I was always known, like, you have such an amazing peach. Thank you so much. And I'm so glad I got to see it. Now, in return, I will show you my pussy.

Not you ready. Go ahead. I'm waiting. Wait, I want to tell you something. If I may. Because we were texting the whole time I was gone because I was just in Toronto and then I went to Buffalo. And in between the two cities, you might be aware of this, there's a country line.

No, listen.

Toronto's in like a cool place with like. Yeah, no, I know. Canada's. Yeah. Obviously, it's so much cooler. Yeah. Yeah. And also shout out to all of our listeners in Canada. I'm obsessed with every Canadian we have.

And I was so grateful to be there. But I took a train from Buffalo. No, sorry. From Toronto to Buffalo. And I had to. Toronto. Have you ever done this?

You know that. I've only been to Toronto with you. And then we fly in and out. You stupid. You stupid fucking bitch. I went and I had to take the train. Was it romantic? You know, without you was a little less. There was less tension. Yeah. Which I get that a lot. It was like a letdown. It was just me and my eggs.

No, my god, my hard boiled eggs. I was taking the train and what they do to get through customs is you and all of your stuff, your bags, your backpack, your items, your eggs, and everybody on the train gets off of the train and you go through customs

And what they do, and I'd never done this because I've done customs in like an airport where like, and sometimes at airports there might be like dogs who like sniff for stuff like around you. I've even sometimes walked past them and they sniff you and you go around. At this one, at this train station, they had all of us very much like to get back into the United States, they were acting like dogs.

Yes, of course.

Like those men were like, we're men. Like they were wearing, it looked like, it looked like a binder, but it was, I think just for bullets. Yeah. And they were like, really, you know, Canadians, Super aggressive. They're known for that. The way that they don't have guns there. It was comical because it felt like I was on Reno 911.

All of the TSA, all of the we're doing securing the border, all of it feels like theater and all of it is so serious.

Oh, I think it's real. I think it's fake. Why? I think we were all doing a silly joke when we're like, I'm standing here and looking through this liquids. All of it is like a fake reaction to 9-11.

I think the whole thing's a sham. However, this one particularly. Yeah. Very, very performative. OK. And they had all of us like they literally like put your hands behind your back. Yeah. Do not touch this dog. Stand up against the wall and put your luggage in front of you. It's giving regime. It was very regime. It was very, very like they were and they they were being very serious, Ken. Wow.

Yeah, put it a little back more. But it's so hot. I did a show in Buffalo, which was incredible. And when I went backstage, a security man came up to me and was like, here are two hats somebody gave. And they said to give it to you and to Ken. Did they both say Daddy? They both say Daddy.

And I was like, as a clown, I was like, don't. I was like, just match their seriousness. Don't cut them down right now. Let these men do their jobs.

I know. Because they're so serious. Do you know when they're taking their job so seriously and you're like, this is dumb?

So I was like, I put my back up against the wall. I put my luggage in front of me. I was not petting their dog. And I was being really... They were like... Backs up against the wall. Don't move your hands. Don't move. They're acting like you're coming in from Yemen or something. It was actually like it was so crazy.

But then when this man took his dog to like he had like a like a training tool to like initiate the dog, like the dog hears the sound. And then once he hears the sound, that's when he starts sniffing for drugs.

So we're all pretty scared because they're being like really serious with us. Then he brings his dog back. And when he makes the sound to initiate the dog, this is literally what the sound was. He went with his tongue like that.

It was giving Paul Blart mall cop in every, I literally was like, are we not allowed to laugh?

The way that he... He could have chose any sound and he's like, I'm going to train my German to never fight doing... Like, damn. That rocks. It was... humiliating for him and hysterical. I was like, I can't believe that none of us are pointing and laughing at him. You can't. I know men don't like when you laugh. They will lock you up. It was really, yeah, it was really humiliating.

Hey, I'm glad you got it out of there.

Yeah, I had them all in my ass. They couldn't find them. Crack to bed. Now I'll show you my pussy. Thank you so much. Don't look at How dare you? Dude, I was so. I'd love to hear a female cop. Yeah. Queef. Queef to show their German shepherd that that's the command. That's the dog's command is a queef. I just felt like I was on a reality show.

Like I felt like this was my version of like, you know, that popular show where the guy. Yeah. I was like, is this Reno 911?

They said, give this to Ken.

Well... A Diane mommy and Diane daddy? The hat is really cute. Thank you. Yeah. I wonder if people think... No. No what? They were like, you need to give this to Ken.

I won the... First place. I feel like if you're trying to make me impress with you, it's working. I'm trying to turn you on. It's working. I feel like you people... What do you mean by you people? Okay. People are... I think people... underestimate your physical abilities because you give frail. I give frail. You give like autoimmune issues. For sure.

But like every once in a while you will surprise me with how coordinated you are. Surprisingly good at softball. Surprisingly good at pickleball. Thank you. I'm an athlete.

I have a serious issue with my bones.

big fish little pond I go to the big pond yeah and I go into tennis um and you know I'm big into tennis I've been trying to get to Wimbledon for six years you have you love tennis I love tennis so much I love pickleball the way that you love tennis where like I want to every time I'm not here I want to be on the court yeah with my friends who are me European and much older than me

And, yeah, who you met at our wedding.

Yeah, tennis to me is very sexy. And pickleball is so queer coded because it's all it's like the lesbians. Like, that's what we do now.

If they heard you call them elderly, I want you to know that these people are in their 60s. Sorry, I take that back. They're incredibly talented. I love these people. They've taken me under their wing and they're amazing at pickleball. Yeah. They taught me everything I know. They don't know what I do because it's like not relevant. It's actually it's really fun as I get older. Like my friends.

I think this is a mixture of being in my 30s and being sober. Like my friend group is so particular to like an activity that we do together. Yeah. Like I have my pickleball friends. Right. Like I have my hiking group. I have my like queer run people. What am I? You're my friend. Yeah. Hated it.

Bleep it, but I want to be able to hear the f. You know what I mean? And maybe the k. So just bleep the uh. Say it one more time. Uh. Let's call it what it is. You're my fuck friend. And then leave that one. But it's fun that your friends get a little bit more specific. So because of that aspect of my friendship with these pickleball friends, they have no idea what I do for work.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they have no idea whatever, except for one of them who came to my wedding and you met her because she's on my inner circle. And she told one of the other pickleballers what I do for work. So keep in mind, none of these people follow me on Instagram. None of them. We're not social media people. We just play pickleball. We're on a WhatsApp group chat and that's it. Yeah.

And I opened up my DMs the other day and one of these girls from Pickleball messaged me and was like, hey, like one of our people told me that you're a. And me and my husband watched all of your videos and we loved it. And I'm like, okay, so now I'm scared. Now I'm scared. Because my content is not for the pickleball community. Your content. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Also, if the Dines and the Sharks and everyone listening to this can manifest that this hour that I'm touring right now, I want Mackenzie to direct my next special. That's what I'm putting out into the universe.

My content's a little bit like I'm talking about my bush a lot.

Whenever I go anywhere and people are like, what do you do? I say nothing. I don't have a job.

I don't do nothing. My wife takes care of me. I'm just a house husband. I'm a pool boy. I'm a pool boy for my wife. At best. Also, we do give pool boy energy. For sure. Imagine me. With a job. No, dude. Now I'm like, I can't believe my pickleballers have seen that. That worries me.

I can't show my face on the court ever again. Go in makeup. Okay.

Also, this is like, this reminds me of something that I did humiliatingly because I'm having, Mackenzie and I do a live episode every month.

So sorry. You and I do it. Hey, I'm right here. I was talking to the Diane's. And I'm so sorry. We have a monthly live episode that we do.

Which is very fun.

We have a lot to say. And then the next day we're going to the GLAAD Awards. No, no, no. Oh. April. Oh, April. Sorry, I forgot what month we were in.

There's a lot happening. Yeah. I'm really trying to meet Dochi.

Anyways.

100%.

Hella flexi. Hella flexi. All this to say, I was thinking about it because I had you over the other week. And I need you to know that I have this issue where I don't like to see cords anywhere in my house. Do you know what I mean? I don't like to see cords. And I can't handle them. I've started to tape. I've started to duct tape. all of my cords on the back of the TV with duct tape.

However, the duct tape gets too heavy and it falls. And then all of my cords are in like a duct tape mess. And I came home and I started to cut the duct tape off to use a different adhesive. And I just cut all my cords.

You didn't feel it? I didn't feel shit. I was so mad about the cords. I was really dialed in. I was like, I can't believe all these. You know, I was kind of, I was tired. I didn't sleep the night before. So you came in. I came in.

Because then that's straight up very much... You're behind the camera. That's Amy Poehler from Mean Girls and Me. Hard. You are. And I. If I'm not. I know. I know. Or Regina George. You know me. Okay. The next hour is cold. Fire crotch. Yeah. Done. Done. Done. Somebody write that down. You know what I was thinking about?

Yes. The bows, soundbar, everything. Clean cut. So you have to replace everything?

It's like your boyfriend's back and he's ruining all your dumb shit. Like, I'm just zip. Nazar is like, hey, maybe for a second we breathe. Maybe we breathe for one second. God, you and Erica are so similar. That's something she'd fucking do.

yeah i'll pop it on um let's end this episode with an ask a dyke okay and if you guys have an ask a dyke um you can either email it to us but the best way or we have a dyke hotline you can leave a voicemail but i love the voicemails voicemails we love keep them to 60 seconds if you could please but the fastest way to get it to us is if you type it out print it laminate it get it notarized and then shove it right up your ass we'll be we're right there waiting we're always in your ass already ready and waiting for an ask a dyke

Okay. And this is like, honestly, of course, if you've seen my stand up, I do refer to this a lot. I sleep wet. I'm a wet sleeper. Okay. I sleep hard. And I know exactly what you're talking about. My body, for whatever reason, will always run too hot. Yeah. So the issue is if I'm cold, my body will overheat. And if obviously if you turn the heat on, then it's too hot. I'm overheating again.

No matter what, I'm sweating in bed.

100%.

Just like in A Year Without a Santa Claus. Yeah. There's one boiling hot Mr. 101 and then there's one icicle. And honestly, and this is so weird, Leah, if you could do a side-by-side, you do kind of look like the cold one.

Yeah, there's something that I think is important about this conversation that we're not having. I agree.

For sure. And then you get cold when it's off. Sleep naked. Well, I assumed that y'all sleep in Nike. Some people don't. Ew.

I've seen your sleepwear.

You know how there's like, if you take a class, they'll be like a Neanderthal and like an ape and then a human being. And they're slowly anamorphic into like a standing up like Homo sapien. Pokemoning. I'm thinking that is the cover, but it's Jojo Siwa. Okay. No, it's Honey Boo Boo. Sorry, it's Honey Boo Boo, then Jojo Siwa, then me, then Fortune Feimster.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes. Two dykes. Two dykes. One mic. One mic. One mic. One mic. Yeah. Two dykes. Two dykes. Who dykes? Who dykes? We dykes. We dykes. We dykes. Yeah.

No.

I'm working on... I did not know this, because you and I used to share rooms together. Yeah. But I sleep with just ponties. Hot. And... The boys are out. Wow. Good for you. I love you calling them the boys. The boys are out. And I'm sweaty fully. And I think it's like, I don't mind. Like, my partner and I are always still, like, full. And she knows, like, I'm a sweaty sleeper.

You know what's insane? I'm always betwixt her cheeks. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always some type of contact. Even if you're too hot, it's okay. You still keep in hand. I think that's the advice. Even if you have to separate, make sure your hand is still between her butt cheeks. Question answered. My wife has been doing this weird thing lately because we usually fall asleep. She's holding me.

I'm sweating inside of her hands. That is so crazy.

I'm just ready. I'm warmed up. And she loves it. You know what I mean? Because she's like, warm me up. And I'm like, come here. I'm your little hot bitch. Furnished, yeah. But what she'd been doing lately, and I'm wondering if this has happened within your marriage, I fall asleep. waiting for her to big spoon me. She grabs her pillow, puts it right on top of my head and sleeps on my head.

I thought you were going to say that she's trying to suffocate you to death. Well, it feels a little, and I like it because I like to feel like she puts her pillow on top of my head. And I'm like, if there was a bunk bed, our heads were on the bunk bed. I'm the bottom bunk. Her head's the top bunk. She's skull to skull. Yeah, basically.

Skull, pillow, skull. Yeah, and then her body around mine. That is how we fall asleep lately.

You know what? I'll have you come on over. We'll all crawl into bed. I'd like to see this up close.

Listen, we're both facing the same way, if that helps you. No, I would assume. Okay, yeah.

We all are. Honey, we're all worried about me breathing.

I think like queer people are so funny because we're always like, like this question is so us to be like, well, God, we're not going to part.

We're always going to be touching each other.

100%.

Just still breathe. Thank you for your ask a dyke. I hope that what we said helps. I hope that you guys are happy and healthy and sweaty in bed. I know I am.

We can't wait to see you guys on the road. We love you so much. Take care of each other. We'll see you next week. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. I'm Rachel Scanlon-Ali. Go do something gay today. Bye. Bye.

It ends on me, but like the Fortune Feimster. And then after that, it could fully be like Carrot Top. Yeah. And then back to me. Yeah. And then Bob the Tomato.

fire crotch fire crotches throughout time in history is actually just kind of fun to think about anyways uh you look hot as fuck and thank you to the diane who came to the show and brought us these beautiful hats we literally love them listen i love a gift and i'll wear it until the end of gay news so let's get into some good good good good gay news news you're sexy you have sex appeal i'm so fucking sick of you pretending like you're not the hottest bitch in town

When you put a hat on, I feel stuff in my thigh. You have to stop.

That's illegal. Okay. Tell me what's going on in the gay world. You can't drop that and then go. What?

If had, then would. If had, then would. And do and won't. Did you hear that Hooters is going bankrupt? No. It's because they never embrace the lesbian community. I agree. And I will stand on this firmly. Hooters is gone because they won't address the elephant in the room, and that's the lesbian community.

Boy, do we have a good one for you today. I'm so excited. I love private or public episodes. Yes, this is public, which does remind us, if you're listening to this podcast and you want to see the weekly episodes. Right.

Wait, Joanne's? Fully. You're telling me only Michael's is standing? And if that ain't the patriarchy, then I don't know what the fuck is. I'm upset about it. Oh, excuse me. The wife and I are going to Michael's?

100%.

This does remind me kind of like kind of circling back into Hooters.

Like when I first came out, I had this reckoning. Yeah. Of like, I'm gay now.

I'm wearing shirts that say I heart boobies. I'm going to Hooters unironically. I'm taking still photos with all of my friends tits going, mommy. Yeah. And it does feel like that just came out. Do you know when you're you've been closeted for so long and then you're like, I'm actually here and I'm taking up this queer space. Yeah. That's what you get. That's that time right there.

I think it's a sweet spot.

100%.

A little squirtier, if you will. And I will. And so will I. And so will I. They're available on Spotify. You click that little lock. You've seen the lock. Yeah, you sign up.

everyone's eyeballs on you all the time right but it's interesting to start a band together and then be romantically involved I think it's like very much queer culture well it's also like starting a podcast with somebody that you're dating well I was just thinking someday down the line like do we tell them that we're in a relationship Or do you want to just keep up this facade?

That we're both married to other people? Well, we could also be married and still be in a relationship. Open your mind. It's 2025.

Yeah, people are like, it's tough. But do you know what's insane? As I was speaking and picturing us having a romantic relationship, it would be less. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? Why? Why are you doing this?

don't sit here and pretend like you've never crunched the numbers of us i crunched the numbers of us yeah week one week one fine and i said every once in a while my brain will go carry the one and it's me carrying the one i'm kidding it's ken she's so strong and i'm light But I crunched numbers. Think about this. Here's what's the truth to truth.

If you and I were to embark on a romantic slash sexual relationship, it would be less intimate than what we have now. I agree. We would be taking away something from our closeness if we were to sleep together. I agree. Like it would be a step backwards.

Because I don't think that most people realize how intimate of a relationship you have with to be in a long-term podcast travel relationship with somebody. But it's beyond sex. And we like each other.

I'm screaming at you pitching it. That rocks. Yeah, but I mean, honestly, with inflation, we've never raised our prices. I know, and we won't. And I'll tell you one thing. Starbucks is steep these days.

And when we cut, we go... It's kind of special. It is. So don't try to fuck me anymore. Do you crunch the numbers with all of your friends? Constantly. I don't even want to. Do you know our friend that we all have? That you and I have close? Oh, yeah. I still crunch those numbers all the time. And you go, no. But my brain won't stop.

You're crunching the numbers? You have to. I think so, too.

Yes. It's never like I'm crunching the numbers and I go, damn, I missed out. I'm always crunching the numbers and I'm like... Sad. But I can't. I'm always crunching them. And sometimes... Because this is a math-based podcast. This is... I hope you all... Two dykes plus one mic equals math. This is a gay mathematics podcast.

We're in the wrong... By the way, people are always like, you're in health and sexuality. We should be in mathematics and religion.

No, it's always like you'd like this if you like this. And it's so weird that it's not mathematics.

people are weird anyways yeah i crunch the numbers all the time i think about it all the time in other gay news i know that you had something you wanted to bring up i want to bring up the influx of queer music right now hey you know what it is tell me spring has sprung we're about to hit summer summer is for the gays oh is that so they release their music so that now we can learn it for summer yeah because we have obviously the giver chapel yeah we have a whole new album from gaga

100%.

Wait, I'm hearing... Are they not openly straight? I think they are, but I put them in there because their music feels like it's for us. The lesbian community. It does. But is it not? I have a huge overlap between women scorned and then lesbian music because I feel like we kind of come together. Yeah. Because this feels like their breakup album. I love them as a band. For sure.

So if you're like, hey, why isn't every week? It is every week. But come over to the other side of Spotify and get these episodes. They're awesome.

They shouldn't. Haim should not DJ. It was one of the worst DJ sets I've ever heard. Interesting. No shade. No shade. We fucking love Haim. I love them. I love them. Three Sisters from the Valley rockin' music. Obsessed.

Leah, will you fact check us? I don't think they're openly queer, but they feel like one of them is. And they're like, oh, it's just not a big deal. I just haven't come out yet. I think it's just they have long hair. There is such an overlap between girls with such long straight hair. When I look at a Mormon, I'm like... Or like very like conservative Christians.

They're like, we don't drink pop, but we eat pussy.

To experiment. They went to the Silver Lake to like grow out their underarm hair and to like have a girlfriend. My girlfriends are they them. You know what I mean? They're, they're my girlfriend. And now they're back, dropping an album.

He also commented...

You know what I mean?

Ooh.

100%.

Yeah.

Exactly.

I want to see a dyke bed.

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon.

100%.