Manuel Betancourt

But I think if you're able to show that it's literally not about them, then I think that you can both stand on the same side and look at it together and be like, oh shit, that's your thing? Yeah. That's how you feel? That's scary and sad.

But I think if you're able to show that it's literally not about them, then I think that you can both stand on the same side and look at it together and be like, oh shit, that's your thing? Yeah. That's how you feel? That's scary and sad.

Yeah, the bumping the car into the things.

Yeah, the bumping the car into the things.

You have to be honest about what you're doing.

You have to be honest about what you're doing.

Or how we write like, or if not, no worries. Exactly.

Or how we write like, or if not, no worries. Exactly.

We know with kids when one little kid says to another little kid, you're a stupid idiot. And then the other kid cries. And the first kid said, I was just being funny. We say like, well, do you see how funny it only works if you're laughing together? Exactly. And it's not funny if the other person is crying. But then we get into adults and then we're like, what's wrong with that other kid?

We know with kids when one little kid says to another little kid, you're a stupid idiot. And then the other kid cries. And the first kid said, I was just being funny. We say like, well, do you see how funny it only works if you're laughing together? Exactly. And it's not funny if the other person is crying. But then we get into adults and then we're like, what's wrong with that other kid?

Why are they crying? So the flow chart is first, you're figuring it out. Okay, you have this problem. Your first step is figuring out, is this hurtful to you? Because there's something underlying in your relationship that makes this hurtful.

Why are they crying? So the flow chart is first, you're figuring it out. Okay, you have this problem. Your first step is figuring out, is this hurtful to you? Because there's something underlying in your relationship that makes this hurtful.

Do you believe that your partner is harboring this kind of like wishing you would change, holding a resentment that they're unwilling to address directly so they're sneaking it into these jokes and trying to pretend like they're not doing it? That's the first step, right? If... All of that is not true.

Do you believe that your partner is harboring this kind of like wishing you would change, holding a resentment that they're unwilling to address directly so they're sneaking it into these jokes and trying to pretend like they're not doing it? That's the first step, right? If... All of that is not true.

And you don't have any other data to support that they are trying to get this meanness to you, but they still can't understand why you're impacted in such a serious way that they're trying to defend themselves and be like, but I wasn't being, I wasn't hitting you. I wasn't hitting you.

And you don't have any other data to support that they are trying to get this meanness to you, but they still can't understand why you're impacted in such a serious way that they're trying to defend themselves and be like, but I wasn't being, I wasn't hitting you. I wasn't hitting you.

Then you go to this next step where you have to figure out what is the legitimate wound pre-existing this partner in you? Did your mom who always said she loved you, but made merciless fun out of you and laughed about it in front of your friends and you were supposed to laugh too because it was quote unquote funny. What was the thing?

Then you go to this next step where you have to figure out what is the legitimate wound pre-existing this partner in you? Did your mom who always said she loved you, but made merciless fun out of you and laughed about it in front of your friends and you were supposed to laugh too because it was quote unquote funny. What was the thing?

What is the thing that is, or is it the specific substance of the joke? Kind of like me with the food thing.

What is the thing that is, or is it the specific substance of the joke? Kind of like me with the food thing.