Manuel Betancourt

That is just like a pressure cooker spot for you. And you just have to explain and show that it doesn't have anything to do with him and what he can and should be able to get away with. It has to do with who you are as a partner and whether he wants to continue to rip open that wound or not.

That is just like a pressure cooker spot for you. And you just have to explain and show that it doesn't have anything to do with him and what he can and should be able to get away with. It has to do with who you are as a partner and whether he wants to continue to rip open that wound or not.

I did not think about that at all in reading that question, but it's such a good point that it's a sticking point for them. She feels bad. She keeps bringing it up to him. And so I wonder if like in that first part of the flow chart where like, is there something that is being revealed through these jokes that he should be bringing to you directly?

I did not think about that at all in reading that question, but it's such a good point that it's a sticking point for them. She feels bad. She keeps bringing it up to him. And so I wonder if like in that first part of the flow chart where like, is there something that is being revealed through these jokes that he should be bringing to you directly?

There's also a sub part of that is, is there something being revealed about him through these jokes that is very upsetting to you. Like, are you like, don't say that because that makes me think you're an asshole or you're a misogynist or you're a whatever it is. And so of course that's deeply upsetting to her because then she has to confront, is my person a misogynist?

There's also a sub part of that is, is there something being revealed about him through these jokes that is very upsetting to you. Like, are you like, don't say that because that makes me think you're an asshole or you're a misogynist or you're a whatever it is. And so of course that's deeply upsetting to her because then she has to confront, is my person a misogynist?

And we have normalized a whole culture where we're supposed to think those things are funny and brush them off even when they're not.

And we have normalized a whole culture where we're supposed to think those things are funny and brush them off even when they're not.

I didn't know that about him.

I didn't know that about him.

Or it's illuminating something about their relationship in front. Because the same thing, whether it's, you know, we've all sat in a room... at a dinner party where someone is, quote unquote, joking, making fun of their partner, where it is very clear that that joke is illuminating a level of disrespect or contempt or disdain that they have for their partner. And you can't get away with it.

Or it's illuminating something about their relationship in front. Because the same thing, whether it's, you know, we've all sat in a room... at a dinner party where someone is, quote unquote, joking, making fun of their partner, where it is very clear that that joke is illuminating a level of disrespect or contempt or disdain that they have for their partner. And you can't get away with it.

It is clear if you are loving and mutually... silly with each other and the respect is there, you feel that and it's funny. And if you don't have that, you feel that and it is awkward as shit and everyone walks away being like, wow, I didn't know he had such contempt for her.

It is clear if you are loving and mutually... silly with each other and the respect is there, you feel that and it's funny. And if you don't have that, you feel that and it is awkward as shit and everyone walks away being like, wow, I didn't know he had such contempt for her.

That was upsetting. And we were all somehow complicit because we were sitting there thinking, taking it. So it's just humor is a very tricky, tricky beast. It can endear you. It can bring you together. Like some of my best bonding with John is humor. I can tell the status of our relationship by the level of silliness and teasing we can do with each other.

That was upsetting. And we were all somehow complicit because we were sitting there thinking, taking it. So it's just humor is a very tricky, tricky beast. It can endear you. It can bring you together. Like some of my best bonding with John is humor. I can tell the status of our relationship by the level of silliness and teasing we can do with each other.

It's almost like a place we can't go unless we're good. Yeah, totally. Totally. And there's other places where It's a place you go when you're not good. And then it's also a place where you're standing on the other side of the gulf where one person has a sensitivity that doesn't make sense to the other person until it's shown. And so it's really tricky.

It's almost like a place we can't go unless we're good. Yeah, totally. Totally. And there's other places where It's a place you go when you're not good. And then it's also a place where you're standing on the other side of the gulf where one person has a sensitivity that doesn't make sense to the other person until it's shown. And so it's really tricky.

Yeah, it's like a, oh gosh. Totally, you can tell. I mean, the origin of humor is like humid. It's moisture. And it's like this fluid moisture that something grows from, right? So it's almost like, what is that growing from? Is that growing from a resentment? Is that growing from a connection? Is that growing from an intimacy? Or is that growing from an anger? It reveals... what is under it.

Yeah, it's like a, oh gosh. Totally, you can tell. I mean, the origin of humor is like humid. It's moisture. And it's like this fluid moisture that something grows from, right? So it's almost like, what is that growing from? Is that growing from a resentment? Is that growing from a connection? Is that growing from an intimacy? Or is that growing from an anger? It reveals... what is under it.