Mario

I went 57 days into 2025 without crapping myself. We're on a road trip, okay? Had a lot of fast food. It was a little mini vacation because she was getting her hair done. And we had a drive. I just go and let sports clips fuck up my head like every couple weeks, you know?

I went 57 days into 2025 without crapping myself. We're on a road trip, okay? Had a lot of fast food. It was a little mini vacation because she was getting her hair done. And we had a drive. I just go and let sports clips fuck up my head like every couple weeks, you know?

Oh, my God. Women. She has to go to the Build-A-Baddie workshop. I feel bad. Whoa, that was. Yeah, that was harsh. I forgot what I look like when I say. Yeah, that was rough. When I go women, everyone's like, what in the Andrew Tate is he about to say? I'm just saying it's so hard for you guys. I have to go. Is it? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Women. She has to go to the Build-A-Baddie workshop. I feel bad. Whoa, that was. Yeah, that was harsh. I forgot what I look like when I say. Yeah, that was rough. When I go women, everyone's like, what in the Andrew Tate is he about to say? I'm just saying it's so hard for you guys. I have to go. Is it? Yeah.

I pay $30 for a haircut every couple weeks if I want to look presentable.

I pay $30 for a haircut every couple weeks if I want to look presentable.

And you didn't do anything to maintain it or use any products or spend any money on your hair otherwise?

And you didn't do anything to maintain it or use any products or spend any money on your hair otherwise?

Is it up here right now? I'm imagining it.

Is it up here right now? I'm imagining it.

So you let your hair grow back?

So you let your hair grow back?

I'm just saying in general, I feel like women do more stuff with their hair than men.

I'm just saying in general, I feel like women do more stuff with their hair than men.

That's true. Some men take care of themselves. Some men... A lot of men take care of themselves a lot better than I do. I can assure you that. Right off the rip.

That's true. Some men take care of themselves. Some men... A lot of men take care of themselves a lot better than I do. I can assure you that. Right off the rip.

I trim up the womb broom.

I trim up the womb broom.

Okay, the hairline's not receding.

Okay, the hairline's not receding.

I believe every time you make a woman have an... Oh. Then your hairline moves forward.

I believe every time you make a woman have an... Oh. Then your hairline moves forward.

Is that a fair assumption? I don't know if we should bleep that, but... I feel like every time you make a woman... Your hairline moves forward.

Is that a fair assumption? I don't know if we should bleep that, but... I feel like every time you make a woman... Your hairline moves forward.

I don't. Brynn, we were talking about me crapping my pants. We can't have two ADH high definition D people doing a conversation back and forth.

I don't. Brynn, we were talking about me crapping my pants. We can't have two ADH high definition D people doing a conversation back and forth.

We're in the car. I can't trust the fart. I'm sitting two feet from this woman. I'm driving. I gotta relieve just a little bit of pressure. Just a little bit, right? So I just take the finger out of the dam just a little bit. Don't do that. Oh my God, that sounded so... I like that.

We're in the car. I can't trust the fart. I'm sitting two feet from this woman. I'm driving. I gotta relieve just a little bit of pressure. Just a little bit, right? So I just take the finger out of the dam just a little bit. Don't do that. Oh my God, that sounded so... I like that.

How are you not live every single night, like looking to the camera, just like, you know, gazoink, gazoinks, out, doing the little this?

How are you not live every single night, like looking to the camera, just like, you know, gazoink, gazoinks, out, doing the little this?

I tried to relieve a little pressure in like a ketchup bottle.

I tried to relieve a little pressure in like a ketchup bottle.

Just a little snail tail. Just a little snail trail.

Just a little snail tail. Just a little snail trail.

If you're not crapping your pants every once in a while, are you living life?

If you're not crapping your pants every once in a while, are you living life?

I'm going to be completely honest. I burped and my brain was blank. I don't even know where I'm at right now. What are we talking about? You crapped your pants?

I'm going to be completely honest. I burped and my brain was blank. I don't even know where I'm at right now. What are we talking about? You crapped your pants?

When?

When?

No, and then you, when you were driving out to see me when we were doing long distance. No, that was a different time. You almost, yeah. Oh, God. We're so perfect for each other.

No, and then you, when you were driving out to see me when we were doing long distance. No, that was a different time. You almost, yeah. Oh, God. We're so perfect for each other.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt your poop story, baby. No, not the one, not. Ew.

I didn't mean to interrupt your poop story, baby. No, not the one, not. Ew.

Yeah, she's driving six hours from Cali to Nevada to Vegas.

Yeah, she's driving six hours from Cali to Nevada to Vegas.

Yeah, she's in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah, she's in the middle of nowhere.

Why are you being so specific?

Why are you being so specific?

If you happen to drive by Zizek's Road, going from Cali to Nevada.

If you happen to drive by Zizek's Road, going from Cali to Nevada.

And if you look to your right, you can see a scrum-diddly-delectable-delicious-bubble-gum-booty-batty squatting and diarrhea-ing on a bush. How long do we do long distance?

And if you look to your right, you can see a scrum-diddly-delectable-delicious-bubble-gum-booty-batty squatting and diarrhea-ing on a bush. How long do we do long distance?

You just know all the dates.

You just know all the dates.

When was the first time we ever talked? What date was it?

When was the first time we ever talked? What date was it?

That was a joke. Are you being serious?

That was a joke. Are you being serious?

Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up.

Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up.

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Pull it up. Okay.

Pull it up. Okay.

We did long distance for how long? How long was that? Six months? Five months? Five months. Five months.

We did long distance for how long? How long was that? Six months? Five months? Five months. Five months.

So we met and then within. I might have been later than that. So we met and then within weeks we hard launched. Within six months we moved in together. And then we're just over a year and we're doing a podcast. We move fast. We don't move fast.

So we met and then within. I might have been later than that. So we met and then within weeks we hard launched. Within six months we moved in together. And then we're just over a year and we're doing a podcast. We move fast. We don't move fast.

This is the beauty of the podcast, right? The Pretty Funny Podcast. Pretty funny. We get to know you guys a lot better. You get to know us, and you get to know the real us. You know what I'm saying? So let me know if it's a red flag that... Oh, shut up.

This is the beauty of the podcast, right? The Pretty Funny Podcast. Pretty funny. We get to know you guys a lot better. You get to know us, and you get to know the real us. You know what I'm saying? So let me know if it's a red flag that... Oh, shut up.

You can make the argument that doing a podcast with someone else is more of a commitment than like an engagement ring.

You can make the argument that doing a podcast with someone else is more of a commitment than like an engagement ring.

Was it that quick? I knew it was quick.

Was it that quick? I knew it was quick.

How do you know all these dates? It's so impressive.

How do you know all these dates? It's so impressive.

Are you there? I'm almost there. Confirm the dates and then we'll do that another time.

Are you there? I'm almost there. Confirm the dates and then we'll do that another time.

The atrocious. We read through them one time. No, they're bad. And they're so bad. You know when you first start talking to someone and you're just extra, extra cringy for no reason? Is it that bad?

The atrocious. We read through them one time. No, they're bad. And they're so bad. You know when you first start talking to someone and you're just extra, extra cringy for no reason? Is it that bad?

Okay. We got the, okay. So two days, two days. You DM me.

Okay. We got the, okay. So two days, two days. You DM me.

Which means nothing. I'm glad we got that over with. We don't need to talk about that. Oh my God.

Which means nothing. I'm glad we got that over with. We don't need to talk about that. Oh my God.

You have girlfriend goggles.

You have girlfriend goggles.

So strong. So strong.

So strong. So strong.

I know, but like the more you love me, I can just feel the goggles getting a little thicker. You know what I mean? Do we even clarify what that is? I feel like people can assume what girlfriend goggles are.

I know, but like the more you love me, I can just feel the goggles getting a little thicker. You know what I mean? Do we even clarify what that is? I feel like people can assume what girlfriend goggles are.

Yeah. You're beautiful. It's different. It's way different. This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, actually. Last night, we're doing a Marvel marathon, okay? And we're slowly making our way chronologically through all the Marvel movies. We just watched Captain America Winter Soldier. Yes. Yeah. Winter Soldier.

Yeah. You're beautiful. It's different. It's way different. This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, actually. Last night, we're doing a Marvel marathon, okay? And we're slowly making our way chronologically through all the Marvel movies. We just watched Captain America Winter Soldier. Yes. Yeah. Winter Soldier.

Winter Soldier. I don't know what you said. I said Winter Soldier. Soldier.

Winter Soldier. I don't know what you said. I said Winter Soldier. Soldier.

I didn't know the difference between shoulder and soldier for too long. I'm talking double digits age. I was like, shoulder? What?

I didn't know the difference between shoulder and soldier for too long. I'm talking double digits age. I was like, shoulder? What?

The leafy greens I like sauteing?

The leafy greens I like sauteing?

Spinach? There it is. What did I do? Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Okay. I can see the stupid ass clip.

Spinach? There it is. What did I do? Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Okay. I can see the stupid ass clip.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to. I don't even. I don't.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to. I don't even. I don't.

Oh, did you say spinach when it's spinach? Not you. Not like, listen, like, you know, like people make the clip of like he pronounced something wrong and now we're going to make it viral. Like we're not doing that. We're not doing it. It's not going to be a clip.

Oh, did you say spinach when it's spinach? Not you. Not like, listen, like, you know, like people make the clip of like he pronounced something wrong and now we're going to make it viral. Like we're not doing that. We're not doing it. It's not going to be a clip.

Spinach. Spinach. Okay. Okay. You want to do this word game actually? Yeah. Is there an L in both?

Spinach. Spinach. Okay. Okay. You want to do this word game actually? Yeah. Is there an L in both?

Both.

Both.

Right? We both agree on that. I know that.

Right? We both agree on that. I know that.

Beg.

Beg.

Beg.

Beg.

We're from Washington. If you know, you know. We're neighbors to Canada. We love you, Canada.

We're from Washington. If you know, you know. We're neighbors to Canada. We love you, Canada.

A bag.

A bag.

What was I saying? This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, okay? We're watching Captain America, The Winter Soldier, right? We're on a Marvel kick, chronologically watching all the Marvel movies in a row. Highly recommend. Rate them out of 10 so far, all the Marvel movies. All of them? All of them, just general consensus and vibes. Eight? Okay. We're to the Winter Soldier, right?

What was I saying? This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, okay? We're watching Captain America, The Winter Soldier, right? We're on a Marvel kick, chronologically watching all the Marvel movies in a row. Highly recommend. Rate them out of 10 so far, all the Marvel movies. All of them? All of them, just general consensus and vibes. Eight? Okay. We're to the Winter Soldier, right?

If you really like someone and then you see the red flags, you're like...

If you really like someone and then you see the red flags, you're like...

He looks so good, I might be bisexual. He's looking really good. He's cut up. He's dirty. It's what people paid to see, okay? Arguably the best looking shot of the movie. And what did you say? What did you say? What did you say?

He looks so good, I might be bisexual. He's looking really good. He's cut up. He's dirty. It's what people paid to see, okay? Arguably the best looking shot of the movie. And what did you say? What did you say? What did you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who were you talking to? I said he doesn't do it for me. Who were you talking to? Who did you say that to?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who were you talking to? I said he doesn't do it for me. Who were you talking to? Who did you say that to?

Me. What was I doing at the time? The man you have sex with was hunched over a coffee table, shoving a Caniac combo down his gullet. Gullet? Gullet? What am I? Gullet. Gullet.

Me. What was I doing at the time? The man you have sex with was hunched over a coffee table, shoving a Caniac combo down his gullet. Gullet? Gullet? What am I? Gullet. Gullet.

What is the thing the pelican has? Is it a gullet?

What is the thing the pelican has? Is it a gullet?

Oh, our first Google.

Oh, our first Google.

It's a gullet, right? What am I saying? Gullet?

It's a gullet, right? What am I saying? Gullet?

It's a gullet.

It's a gullet.

It's a gullet.

It's a gullet.

Yeah, you're just colorblind.

Yeah, you're just colorblind.

Brynn.

Brynn.

Brynn, you've got to stop talking about throats and gullets and throat sacks.

Brynn, you've got to stop talking about throats and gullets and throat sacks.

So you could say the pelican is the throat goat.

So you could say the pelican is the throat goat.

A pelican pouch? Yeah. I rescued a pelican.

A pelican pouch? Yeah. I rescued a pelican.

I should have done something. I should have taken note that you were checking off the months, and I should have done something. It's my fault.

I should have done something. I should have taken note that you were checking off the months, and I should have done something. It's my fault.

What are we doing?

What are we doing?

Four gallons.

Four gallons.

Three. I rescued a pelican. It was three. Pelican. Pelican. I rescued a pelican.

Three. I rescued a pelican. It was three. Pelican. Pelican. I rescued a pelican.

This is why you have girlfriend goggles. Because I'm hunched over throwing Cain's chicken and sauce down my gullet, my throat pouch. Right? And you're looking at the peak male physique. Oh wait, it's the male gaze. Oh my god, here we go, I can see the comments.

This is why you have girlfriend goggles. Because I'm hunched over throwing Cain's chicken and sauce down my gullet, my throat pouch. Right? And you're looking at the peak male physique. Oh wait, it's the male gaze. Oh my god, here we go, I can see the comments.

By fitness journey, I mean Ozempic. Am I right? Obviously. Obviously.

By fitness journey, I mean Ozempic. Am I right? Obviously. Obviously.

Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it.

Oh, your legs are so smooth.

Oh, your legs are so smooth.

Are you showing your dogs right now? I have socks on. You're so smooth. Okay, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. My prickly little hedgehog.

Are you showing your dogs right now? I have socks on. You're so smooth. Okay, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. My prickly little hedgehog.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

I body to my choice.

I body to my choice.

Crush my head like a watermelon, please, and thank you.

Crush my head like a watermelon, please, and thank you.

What?

What?

Have they? Yeah. I have in so many videos.

Have they? Yeah. I have in so many videos.

It's true. If it's true. Well, what the? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm not taking Ozempic.

It's true. If it's true. Well, what the? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm not taking Ozempic.

Muscle mommy?

Muscle mommy?

I just said crush my water.

I just said crush my water.

Crush. Let my water break. Crush my head like a watermelon. Please and thank you. I'm pretty sure I just said that. Pretty sure I made myself clear. I just said suffocate me.

Crush. Let my water break. Crush my head like a watermelon. Please and thank you. I'm pretty sure I just said that. Pretty sure I made myself clear. I just said suffocate me.

I'm not saying that it doesn't mean anything to me. I'm always looking for a reason to celebrate. You know what I mean? If it's an anniversary, whether you want to go month by month, day by day, why would you not want to celebrate? You know what I'm saying? It wasn't really on my radar personally to me to celebrate the six-month anniversary.

I'm not saying that it doesn't mean anything to me. I'm always looking for a reason to celebrate. You know what I mean? If it's an anniversary, whether you want to go month by month, day by day, why would you not want to celebrate? You know what I'm saying? It wasn't really on my radar personally to me to celebrate the six-month anniversary.

Throw me around.

Throw me around.

If you were buff?

If you were buff?

I don't care what you look like. I... You're literally peak beauty in whatever form you take. I don't care. You're beautiful. You're a woman. I'm a man. Let's get this clear, okay? All I do is I'm born, I maintain homeostasis, I get some hair in some places, and then I wither away and die.

I don't care what you look like. I... You're literally peak beauty in whatever form you take. I don't care. You're beautiful. You're a woman. I'm a man. Let's get this clear, okay? All I do is I'm born, I maintain homeostasis, I get some hair in some places, and then I wither away and die.

yes over christmas i'm just saying though yes we can definitely yes oh yeah that freaked you out i just never seen some things you're just not used to some things you just you'd never seen a girl take out a tampon before had you i don't think so no yeah he he was brushing his teeth next to me which also you gag every single time you brush your teeth i have a horrible gag reflex in stomach like i'm not every single time you brush your teeth yeah

yes over christmas i'm just saying though yes we can definitely yes oh yeah that freaked you out i just never seen some things you're just not used to some things you just you'd never seen a girl take out a tampon before had you i don't think so no yeah he he was brushing his teeth next to me which also you gag every single time you brush your teeth i have a horrible gag reflex in stomach like i'm not every single time you brush your teeth yeah

That's what I was literally saying is like all the physical changes that you have to endure throughout your life. Okay.

That's what I was literally saying is like all the physical changes that you have to endure throughout your life. Okay.

Not even including pregnancy compared to a man. Like I have to be a gigantic piece of shit to literally you take on any form and me have a problem with that.

Not even including pregnancy compared to a man. Like I have to be a gigantic piece of shit to literally you take on any form and me have a problem with that.

Well, no, no, that's not true.

Well, no, no, that's not true.

Yes.

Yes.

The best way I can describe it is I am losing weight right now, and I'm dieting, and I'm exercising, and I'm doing the whole damn thing, and it sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I got no tips and tricks for you. I don't even want to be doing it. I'm doing it, and I'm doing it natural, which makes it suck even more. I mean, this used to be me right here. There you go.

The best way I can describe it is I am losing weight right now, and I'm dieting, and I'm exercising, and I'm doing the whole damn thing, and it sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I got no tips and tricks for you. I don't even want to be doing it. I'm doing it, and I'm doing it natural, which makes it suck even more. I mean, this used to be me right here. There you go.

That's what Brynn has never got to experience. This was me for a long time.

That's what Brynn has never got to experience. This was me for a long time.

Me, right now, the way I am, I am so confident and comfortable in my own skin, and I'm happy, and I'm living my best life. I'm not doing it because I'm like, I want to work. That's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I genuinely do want to live a long, happy life with you and take care of myself. It's not fun. It's not.

Me, right now, the way I am, I am so confident and comfortable in my own skin, and I'm happy, and I'm living my best life. I'm not doing it because I'm like, I want to work. That's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I genuinely do want to live a long, happy life with you and take care of myself. It's not fun. It's not.

Uber eating and freaking door dashing and smashing.

Uber eating and freaking door dashing and smashing.

We're just cooking for it. We're doing the basics.

We're just cooking for it. We're doing the basics.

If we're making eye contact right now, if you're listening to this right now, I love you. You understand me? I love you. And I appreciate you and your support. You smiling and laughing along with us is literally why I wake up in the morning. It's an honor to be here. It's an honor to be entertaining you guys. Thank you so much for giving us a platform to talk, to entertain you guys.

If we're making eye contact right now, if you're listening to this right now, I love you. You understand me? I love you. And I appreciate you and your support. You smiling and laughing along with us is literally why I wake up in the morning. It's an honor to be here. It's an honor to be entertaining you guys. Thank you so much for giving us a platform to talk, to entertain you guys.

I'm not saying it's not a big deal. But it's a big deal to you, so it's a big deal to me.

I'm not saying it's not a big deal. But it's a big deal to you, so it's a big deal to me.

Yeah. Yeah. We wanted to just get the ball rolling. We want you guys to get to know us better. We want to get to know you better. We've been having Q and A's on all of our socials. Make sure you're following on everything because your questions will be featured in this podcast. We have a

Yeah. Yeah. We wanted to just get the ball rolling. We want you guys to get to know us better. We want to get to know you better. We've been having Q and A's on all of our socials. Make sure you're following on everything because your questions will be featured in this podcast. We have a

so excited about that are going to be joining us different pretties different funnies it's going to be a blast and we're very very excited a lot of fun things coming down the line and uh yeah yeah i'm i'm pumped i love you guys love you guys so much make sure so much make sure you're following us on all of the socials yeah make sure to follow us we're pretty funny I honestly could cry right now.

so excited about that are going to be joining us different pretties different funnies it's going to be a blast and we're very very excited a lot of fun things coming down the line and uh yeah yeah i'm i'm pumped i love you guys love you guys so much make sure so much make sure you're following us on all of the socials yeah make sure to follow us we're pretty funny I honestly could cry right now.

I could make myself cry on command. Is that how we should end the first episode? No, I'm going to do it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Start talking about something really serious and I'm going to cry and then we're going to end it. I'm already crying right now.

I could make myself cry on command. Is that how we should end the first episode? No, I'm going to do it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Start talking about something really serious and I'm going to cry and then we're going to end it. I'm already crying right now.

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah.

It's okay. That was beautiful.

It's okay. That was beautiful.

I don't know if there's any directors, anybody watching. God, see how big of a manipulator he is? You see the tears?

I don't know if there's any directors, anybody watching. God, see how big of a manipulator he is? You see the tears?

You're such a manipulator.

You're such a manipulator.

I don't feel like we're fighting. How many times have we fought since we've been together? Real talk, real talk.

I don't feel like we're fighting. How many times have we fought since we've been together? Real talk, real talk.

Anyways, gentlemen, cry. I might be by. Who knows what's going on? Make sure to follow us. We love you guys. We're pretty funny. We'll see you next week. See you next week. Love you guys. Bye.

Anyways, gentlemen, cry. I might be by. Who knows what's going on? Make sure to follow us. We love you guys. We're pretty funny. We'll see you next week. See you next week. Love you guys. Bye.

Oh, we've had more than 10, less than 10.

Oh, we've had more than 10, less than 10.

I'd say less than 10. Like I grew up watching people fight all the time. I didn't have a good model for like relationships. It was just constant turmoil, just toxicity. It was just war.

I'd say less than 10. Like I grew up watching people fight all the time. I didn't have a good model for like relationships. It was just constant turmoil, just toxicity. It was just war.

Yeah, my parents, they just got divorced. They just did. Yeah, and you're almost 30. I'm so proud of them. Really proud of them. Good job. They're happier. They're happier. I can see it. They're happier. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would hate it. I love them both. Mom, Dad. Love you. If you're watching this, Dad, how do you know how to use YouTube? That's crazy. That's like...

Yeah, my parents, they just got divorced. They just did. Yeah, and you're almost 30. I'm so proud of them. Really proud of them. Good job. They're happier. They're happier. I can see it. They're happier. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would hate it. I love them both. Mom, Dad. Love you. If you're watching this, Dad, how do you know how to use YouTube? That's crazy. That's like...

I love you guys. You know, you guys are off doing your own things now. You're happier. It's just, mm. Yeah. I grew up in a house where it was like, God, we're getting deep immediately. What are we doing?

I love you guys. You know, you guys are off doing your own things now. You're happier. It's just, mm. Yeah. I grew up in a house where it was like, God, we're getting deep immediately. What are we doing?

Oh, the power of the podcast has already come over me. I'm talking about deep childhood stuff already.

Oh, the power of the podcast has already come over me. I'm talking about deep childhood stuff already.

Long story short, if you grow up thinking that fighting is normal or arguing is normal, it happens a lot. People that aren't compatible for each other, then it's just like that's what you think a relationship is, and it's normalized, if that makes sense. You live and you learn, and now that I'm with you, I don't think relationships are like a baseball card. There's stats. There's batting averages.

Long story short, if you grow up thinking that fighting is normal or arguing is normal, it happens a lot. People that aren't compatible for each other, then it's just like that's what you think a relationship is, and it's normalized, if that makes sense. You live and you learn, and now that I'm with you, I don't think relationships are like a baseball card. There's stats. There's batting averages.

You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's more based on emotion. A hundred percent.

You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's more based on emotion. A hundred percent.

They're resolved.

They're resolved.

Within like 24 hours. I don't think we've ever had a fight go over 24 hours.

Within like 24 hours. I don't think we've ever had a fight go over 24 hours.

Are you excited?

Are you excited?

I'm just happy because I feel like I'm almost 30. I'm still in my 20s. 30. Shout out Bo Burnham. Love you. Calm down. Because he's mine. He's mine. Anyways.

I'm just happy because I feel like I'm almost 30. I'm still in my 20s. 30. Shout out Bo Burnham. Love you. Calm down. Because he's mine. He's mine. Anyways.

Are you nervous?

Are you nervous?

Honestly? Honestly? There's so many. Am I bisexual?

Honestly? Honestly? There's so many. Am I bisexual?

Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to ask you if I'm bisexual. You're like, on the topic of that, we're just going to move right by that.

Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to ask you if I'm bisexual. You're like, on the topic of that, we're just going to move right by that.

You know when the doctor tells you to breathe?

You know when the doctor tells you to breathe?

That me being bisexual? No, about me being bisexual. Oh, yeah, let's make this all about you. Yep. Let me saddle up real quick. Yeah, we need to set the bar. Okay, yeah, there you go.

That me being bisexual? No, about me being bisexual. Oh, yeah, let's make this all about you. Yep. Let me saddle up real quick. Yeah, we need to set the bar. Okay, yeah, there you go.

I've literally never said... Am I bisexual out loud? Until I had three cameras on me and we're recording our first podcast and we're not even 11 minutes in.

I've literally never said... Am I bisexual out loud? Until I had three cameras on me and we're recording our first podcast and we're not even 11 minutes in.

No, no.

No, no.

What are you talking about? I don't even, oh my God. Okay, your turn. Go ahead. It's Brynn's turn. Oh.

What are you talking about? I don't even, oh my God. Okay, your turn. Go ahead. It's Brynn's turn. Oh.

What are you talking about right now? Let me get to my point. Is this the blow dryer story?

What are you talking about right now? Let me get to my point. Is this the blow dryer story?

You could smell your ex's perfume while you were blow drying your hair. It was my perfume. Okay.

You could smell your ex's perfume while you were blow drying your hair. It was my perfume. Okay.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm a copy, paste, blank, word document white dude. I'm trying to learn. I'm here to learn.

I'm a copy, paste, blank, word document white dude. I'm trying to learn. I'm here to learn.

Oh, so you're saying that there is a possibility that I'm bisexual.

Oh, so you're saying that there is a possibility that I'm bisexual.

Are you trying to gatekeep bisexuality? You're like, not to flex, but as a bisexual, I've dated boys and girls. I feel like anyone in their right mind is bisexual. If you can't look at someone else and be like, wow, that person is beautiful. no matter what their gender is. That's what I'm saying. I've never acted upon it. I haven't. I just haven't. I haven't.

Are you trying to gatekeep bisexuality? You're like, not to flex, but as a bisexual, I've dated boys and girls. I feel like anyone in their right mind is bisexual. If you can't look at someone else and be like, wow, that person is beautiful. no matter what their gender is. That's what I'm saying. I've never acted upon it. I haven't. I just haven't. I haven't.

Yeah, take a deep breath. Breathe normal. Breathe normal.

Yeah, take a deep breath. Breathe normal. Breathe normal.

But you can appreciate a man's beauty.

But you can appreciate a man's beauty.

Being gay, you have to be born with it. I don't know if it's a choice. I don't know if it's a choice.

Being gay, you have to be born with it. I don't know if it's a choice. I don't know if it's a choice.

If it was a choice, I'd choose men.

If it was a choice, I'd choose men.

Let me elaborate on my thought. I don't know where I heard this, but good comedy is saying something and talking yourself out of it.

Let me elaborate on my thought. I don't know where I heard this, but good comedy is saying something and talking yourself out of it.

Yeah, you're like, I don't know how to breathe. You know, you just go. Yeah. Like, that's kind of, because it's like, we're just talking. We're just hanging out. Like, we normally do. We're just talking. But there's all this stuff here.

Yeah, you're like, I don't know how to breathe. You know, you just go. Yeah. Like, that's kind of, because it's like, we're just talking. We're just hanging out. Like, we normally do. We're just talking. But there's all this stuff here.

Yeah, that was great. No, no, no, don't click the crickets. Don't do it. Oh, they're going to click the crickets. Sitting it. Oh, sorry, now you got the buttons. You're like, Mario, don't play with the buttons.

Yeah, that was great. No, no, no, don't click the crickets. Don't do it. Oh, they're going to click the crickets. Sitting it. Oh, sorry, now you got the buttons. You're like, Mario, don't play with the buttons.

And now you're playing with the buttons.

And now you're playing with the buttons.

No, way worse. We should have a fight. Mario. You don't sound like that.

No, way worse. We should have a fight. Mario. You don't sound like that.

Okay, that's enough of that. Sorry. That's enough. Whoa. What were we talking about?

Okay, that's enough of that. Sorry. That's enough. Whoa. What were we talking about?

They're watching us. There's cameras. There's action. There's cameras. There's lights. There's a live studio audience. Hey, keep it down. Come on. Come. Oh, my God.

They're watching us. There's cameras. There's action. There's cameras. There's lights. There's a live studio audience. Hey, keep it down. Come on. Come. Oh, my God.

You know, I really... How do I say this? Anyone that disrespects you, tears you down, makes you feel horrible, I want to gently toss them into oncoming traffic. But the longer I date you, the longer I realize you do that more to you than anybody. You're literally perfection.

You know, I really... How do I say this? Anyone that disrespects you, tears you down, makes you feel horrible, I want to gently toss them into oncoming traffic. But the longer I date you, the longer I realize you do that more to you than anybody. You're literally perfection.

And so when you just constantly...

And so when you just constantly...

Oh, my God. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me.

Oh, my God. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, fair enough.

You should be.

You should be.

You should be Cleopaturing everybody.

You should be Cleopaturing everybody.

You know what I mean? You could take over. Like dudes like me would line up by the thousands just to catch a glimpse and do what you tell us to do. You know what I mean? You send us off to war. There we go. Spears in hand. Is she watching? Kablam. Dead. Right? That's what we do. That's what men have been doing for centuries. Nothing inspires a man more than a woman. And look at this muse.

You know what I mean? You could take over. Like dudes like me would line up by the thousands just to catch a glimpse and do what you tell us to do. You know what I mean? You send us off to war. There we go. Spears in hand. Is she watching? Kablam. Dead. Right? That's what we do. That's what men have been doing for centuries. Nothing inspires a man more than a woman. And look at this muse.

Look at her. Show them your nails. I love your nails so much. Oh, my God. Women are so interesting. I wake up and I wear the clothes that I wore to bed out and about. If I even make it out... I wore pajama pants to the gas station today, and I'd like to formally apologize.

Look at her. Show them your nails. I love your nails so much. Oh, my God. Women are so interesting. I wake up and I wear the clothes that I wore to bed out and about. If I even make it out... I wore pajama pants to the gas station today, and I'd like to formally apologize.

If you are wearing pajamas, you know what I mean, like prior to 5 o'clock, let alone in public, you know what I'm saying? It's like you're sending a message to the world. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I proudly was wearing Batman pajamas to the gas station. I'm one of those people now. That's me. You know what I mean? Am I getting canceled?

If you are wearing pajamas, you know what I mean, like prior to 5 o'clock, let alone in public, you know what I'm saying? It's like you're sending a message to the world. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I proudly was wearing Batman pajamas to the gas station. I'm one of those people now. That's me. You know what I mean? Am I getting canceled?

We've been talking about doing this since before we were dating.

We've been talking about doing this since before we were dating.

I feel like I'm going to get canceled.

I feel like I'm going to get canceled.

I'm not, okay. I'm not bisexual. Not that there's nothing wrong with, what am I saying?

I'm not, okay. I'm not bisexual. Not that there's nothing wrong with, what am I saying?

I'm not bisexual.

I'm not bisexual.

How, like, there's nothing wrong with that, obviously.

How, like, there's nothing wrong with that, obviously.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. You guys want to hear about the first time I did stand up in front of Brynn, which was what, last week?

I'm sorry. You guys want to hear about the first time I did stand up in front of Brynn, which was what, last week?

A whole... So many year ago, you know?

A whole... So many year ago, you know?

You okay? Yeah. Do you need some water? Can you take a break? Can you take five? I hate when you cough and your eyes get watery, and then I'm like, what happened? Who did this to you?

You okay? Yeah. Do you need some water? Can you take a break? Can you take five? I hate when you cough and your eyes get watery, and then I'm like, what happened? Who did this to you?

Do you need water?

Do you need water?

She had to get water. It took me 25 seconds to get her water.

She had to get water. It took me 25 seconds to get her water.

We were talking about me doing stand-up.

We were talking about me doing stand-up.

Yeah. I went and did stand-up for the first time live, and I bombed just a tad.

Yeah. I went and did stand-up for the first time live, and I bombed just a tad.

I did.

I did.

In my brain, I bombed.

In my brain, I bombed.

People laughed the whole time.

People laughed the whole time.

It's been a year and...

It's been a year and...

But I can do better. I know I can do better.

But I can do better. I know I can do better.

I forgot.

I forgot.

Yeah, about halfway through my second bit, I forgot what I was doing and I literally yelled out into the darkness of the crowd. Brynn, what was I talking about in the car?

Yeah, about halfway through my second bit, I forgot what I was doing and I literally yelled out into the darkness of the crowd. Brynn, what was I talking about in the car?

Yeah, I did, which I did coincidentally that same day. I crapped my pants.

Yeah, I did, which I did coincidentally that same day. I crapped my pants.

And I'm funny. Oh, you got to fix the bangs just a little bit.

And I'm funny. Oh, you got to fix the bangs just a little bit.

All right, here we go. We're going to do it. You have to shush. Oh, I'm sorry.

All right, here we go. We're going to do it. You have to shush. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold on. We've practiced this.

Hold on. We've practiced this.

I went 57 days into 2025 without crapping myself. We're on a road trip, okay? Had a lot of fast food. It was a little mini vacation because she was getting her hair done. And we had a drive. I just go and let sports clips fuck up my head like every couple weeks, you know?

Oh, my God. Women. She has to go to the Build-A-Baddie workshop. I feel bad. Whoa, that was. Yeah, that was harsh. I forgot what I look like when I say. Yeah, that was rough. When I go women, everyone's like, what in the Andrew Tate is he about to say? I'm just saying it's so hard for you guys. I have to go. Is it? Yeah.

I pay $30 for a haircut every couple weeks if I want to look presentable.

And you didn't do anything to maintain it or use any products or spend any money on your hair otherwise?

Is it up here right now? I'm imagining it.

So you let your hair grow back?

I'm just saying in general, I feel like women do more stuff with their hair than men.

That's true. Some men take care of themselves. Some men... A lot of men take care of themselves a lot better than I do. I can assure you that. Right off the rip.

I trim up the womb broom.

Okay, the hairline's not receding.

I believe every time you make a woman have an... Oh. Then your hairline moves forward.

Is that a fair assumption? I don't know if we should bleep that, but... I feel like every time you make a woman... Your hairline moves forward.

I don't. Brynn, we were talking about me crapping my pants. We can't have two ADH high definition D people doing a conversation back and forth.

We're in the car. I can't trust the fart. I'm sitting two feet from this woman. I'm driving. I gotta relieve just a little bit of pressure. Just a little bit, right? So I just take the finger out of the dam just a little bit. Don't do that. Oh my God, that sounded so... I like that.

How are you not live every single night, like looking to the camera, just like, you know, gazoink, gazoinks, out, doing the little this?

I tried to relieve a little pressure in like a ketchup bottle.

Just a little snail tail. Just a little snail trail.

If you're not crapping your pants every once in a while, are you living life?

I'm going to be completely honest. I burped and my brain was blank. I don't even know where I'm at right now. What are we talking about? You crapped your pants?

When?

No, and then you, when you were driving out to see me when we were doing long distance. No, that was a different time. You almost, yeah. Oh, God. We're so perfect for each other.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt your poop story, baby. No, not the one, not. Ew.

Yeah, she's driving six hours from Cali to Nevada to Vegas.

Yeah, she's in the middle of nowhere.

Why are you being so specific?

If you happen to drive by Zizek's Road, going from Cali to Nevada.

And if you look to your right, you can see a scrum-diddly-delectable-delicious-bubble-gum-booty-batty squatting and diarrhea-ing on a bush. How long do we do long distance?

You just know all the dates.

When was the first time we ever talked? What date was it?

That was a joke. Are you being serious?

Pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up.

Wait, what?

Pull it up. Okay.

We did long distance for how long? How long was that? Six months? Five months? Five months. Five months.

So we met and then within. I might have been later than that. So we met and then within weeks we hard launched. Within six months we moved in together. And then we're just over a year and we're doing a podcast. We move fast. We don't move fast.

This is the beauty of the podcast, right? The Pretty Funny Podcast. Pretty funny. We get to know you guys a lot better. You get to know us, and you get to know the real us. You know what I'm saying? So let me know if it's a red flag that... Oh, shut up.

You can make the argument that doing a podcast with someone else is more of a commitment than like an engagement ring.

Was it that quick? I knew it was quick.

How do you know all these dates? It's so impressive.

Are you there? I'm almost there. Confirm the dates and then we'll do that another time.

The atrocious. We read through them one time. No, they're bad. And they're so bad. You know when you first start talking to someone and you're just extra, extra cringy for no reason? Is it that bad?

Okay. We got the, okay. So two days, two days. You DM me.

Which means nothing. I'm glad we got that over with. We don't need to talk about that. Oh my God.

You have girlfriend goggles.

So strong. So strong.

I know, but like the more you love me, I can just feel the goggles getting a little thicker. You know what I mean? Do we even clarify what that is? I feel like people can assume what girlfriend goggles are.

Yeah. You're beautiful. It's different. It's way different. This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, actually. Last night, we're doing a Marvel marathon, okay? And we're slowly making our way chronologically through all the Marvel movies. We just watched Captain America Winter Soldier. Yes. Yeah. Winter Soldier.

Winter Soldier. I don't know what you said. I said Winter Soldier. Soldier.

I didn't know the difference between shoulder and soldier for too long. I'm talking double digits age. I was like, shoulder? What?

The leafy greens I like sauteing?

Spinach? There it is. What did I do? Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Spinach. Okay. I can see the stupid ass clip.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to. I don't even. I don't.

Oh, did you say spinach when it's spinach? Not you. Not like, listen, like, you know, like people make the clip of like he pronounced something wrong and now we're going to make it viral. Like we're not doing that. We're not doing it. It's not going to be a clip.

Spinach. Spinach. Okay. Okay. You want to do this word game actually? Yeah. Is there an L in both?

Both.

Right? We both agree on that. I know that.

Beg.

Beg.

We're from Washington. If you know, you know. We're neighbors to Canada. We love you, Canada.

A bag.

What was I saying? This is how I know you have girlfriend goggles, okay? We're watching Captain America, The Winter Soldier, right? We're on a Marvel kick, chronologically watching all the Marvel movies in a row. Highly recommend. Rate them out of 10 so far, all the Marvel movies. All of them? All of them, just general consensus and vibes. Eight? Okay. We're to the Winter Soldier, right?

If you really like someone and then you see the red flags, you're like...

He looks so good, I might be bisexual. He's looking really good. He's cut up. He's dirty. It's what people paid to see, okay? Arguably the best looking shot of the movie. And what did you say? What did you say? What did you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who were you talking to? I said he doesn't do it for me. Who were you talking to? Who did you say that to?

Me. What was I doing at the time? The man you have sex with was hunched over a coffee table, shoving a Caniac combo down his gullet. Gullet? Gullet? What am I? Gullet. Gullet.

What is the thing the pelican has? Is it a gullet?

Oh, our first Google.

It's a gullet, right? What am I saying? Gullet?

It's a gullet.

It's a gullet.

Yeah, you're just colorblind.

Brynn.

Brynn, you've got to stop talking about throats and gullets and throat sacks.

So you could say the pelican is the throat goat.

A pelican pouch? Yeah. I rescued a pelican.

I should have done something. I should have taken note that you were checking off the months, and I should have done something. It's my fault.

What are we doing?

Four gallons.

Three. I rescued a pelican. It was three. Pelican. Pelican. I rescued a pelican.

This is why you have girlfriend goggles. Because I'm hunched over throwing Cain's chicken and sauce down my gullet, my throat pouch. Right? And you're looking at the peak male physique. Oh wait, it's the male gaze. Oh my god, here we go, I can see the comments.

By fitness journey, I mean Ozempic. Am I right? Obviously. Obviously.

Stop it. Stop it.

Oh, your legs are so smooth.

Are you showing your dogs right now? I have socks on. You're so smooth. Okay, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. My prickly little hedgehog.

Okay, okay, okay.

I body to my choice.

Crush my head like a watermelon, please, and thank you.

What?

Have they? Yeah. I have in so many videos.

It's true. If it's true. Well, what the? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm not taking Ozempic.

Muscle mommy?

I just said crush my water.

Crush. Let my water break. Crush my head like a watermelon. Please and thank you. I'm pretty sure I just said that. Pretty sure I made myself clear. I just said suffocate me.

I'm not saying that it doesn't mean anything to me. I'm always looking for a reason to celebrate. You know what I mean? If it's an anniversary, whether you want to go month by month, day by day, why would you not want to celebrate? You know what I'm saying? It wasn't really on my radar personally to me to celebrate the six-month anniversary.

Throw me around.

If you were buff?

I don't care what you look like. I... You're literally peak beauty in whatever form you take. I don't care. You're beautiful. You're a woman. I'm a man. Let's get this clear, okay? All I do is I'm born, I maintain homeostasis, I get some hair in some places, and then I wither away and die.

yes over christmas i'm just saying though yes we can definitely yes oh yeah that freaked you out i just never seen some things you're just not used to some things you just you'd never seen a girl take out a tampon before had you i don't think so no yeah he he was brushing his teeth next to me which also you gag every single time you brush your teeth i have a horrible gag reflex in stomach like i'm not every single time you brush your teeth yeah

That's what I was literally saying is like all the physical changes that you have to endure throughout your life. Okay.

Not even including pregnancy compared to a man. Like I have to be a gigantic piece of shit to literally you take on any form and me have a problem with that.

Well, no, no, that's not true.

Yes.

The best way I can describe it is I am losing weight right now, and I'm dieting, and I'm exercising, and I'm doing the whole damn thing, and it sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I got no tips and tricks for you. I don't even want to be doing it. I'm doing it, and I'm doing it natural, which makes it suck even more. I mean, this used to be me right here. There you go.

That's what Brynn has never got to experience. This was me for a long time.

Me, right now, the way I am, I am so confident and comfortable in my own skin, and I'm happy, and I'm living my best life. I'm not doing it because I'm like, I want to work. That's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I genuinely do want to live a long, happy life with you and take care of myself. It's not fun. It's not.

Uber eating and freaking door dashing and smashing.

We're just cooking for it. We're doing the basics.

If we're making eye contact right now, if you're listening to this right now, I love you. You understand me? I love you. And I appreciate you and your support. You smiling and laughing along with us is literally why I wake up in the morning. It's an honor to be here. It's an honor to be entertaining you guys. Thank you so much for giving us a platform to talk, to entertain you guys.

I'm not saying it's not a big deal. But it's a big deal to you, so it's a big deal to me.

Yeah. Yeah. We wanted to just get the ball rolling. We want you guys to get to know us better. We want to get to know you better. We've been having Q and A's on all of our socials. Make sure you're following on everything because your questions will be featured in this podcast. We have a

so excited about that are going to be joining us different pretties different funnies it's going to be a blast and we're very very excited a lot of fun things coming down the line and uh yeah yeah i'm i'm pumped i love you guys love you guys so much make sure so much make sure you're following us on all of the socials yeah make sure to follow us we're pretty funny I honestly could cry right now.

I could make myself cry on command. Is that how we should end the first episode? No, I'm going to do it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Start talking about something really serious and I'm going to cry and then we're going to end it. I'm already crying right now.

Well, yeah.

It's okay. That was beautiful.

I don't know if there's any directors, anybody watching. God, see how big of a manipulator he is? You see the tears?

You're such a manipulator.

I don't feel like we're fighting. How many times have we fought since we've been together? Real talk, real talk.

Anyways, gentlemen, cry. I might be by. Who knows what's going on? Make sure to follow us. We love you guys. We're pretty funny. We'll see you next week. See you next week. Love you guys. Bye.

Oh, we've had more than 10, less than 10.

I'd say less than 10. Like I grew up watching people fight all the time. I didn't have a good model for like relationships. It was just constant turmoil, just toxicity. It was just war.

Yeah, my parents, they just got divorced. They just did. Yeah, and you're almost 30. I'm so proud of them. Really proud of them. Good job. They're happier. They're happier. I can see it. They're happier. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would hate it. I love them both. Mom, Dad. Love you. If you're watching this, Dad, how do you know how to use YouTube? That's crazy. That's like...

I love you guys. You know, you guys are off doing your own things now. You're happier. It's just, mm. Yeah. I grew up in a house where it was like, God, we're getting deep immediately. What are we doing?

Oh, the power of the podcast has already come over me. I'm talking about deep childhood stuff already.

Long story short, if you grow up thinking that fighting is normal or arguing is normal, it happens a lot. People that aren't compatible for each other, then it's just like that's what you think a relationship is, and it's normalized, if that makes sense. You live and you learn, and now that I'm with you, I don't think relationships are like a baseball card. There's stats. There's batting averages.

You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's more based on emotion. A hundred percent.

They're resolved.

Within like 24 hours. I don't think we've ever had a fight go over 24 hours.

Are you excited?

I'm just happy because I feel like I'm almost 30. I'm still in my 20s. 30. Shout out Bo Burnham. Love you. Calm down. Because he's mine. He's mine. Anyways.

Are you nervous?

Honestly? Honestly? There's so many. Am I bisexual?

Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to ask you if I'm bisexual. You're like, on the topic of that, we're just going to move right by that.

You know when the doctor tells you to breathe?

That me being bisexual? No, about me being bisexual. Oh, yeah, let's make this all about you. Yep. Let me saddle up real quick. Yeah, we need to set the bar. Okay, yeah, there you go.

I've literally never said... Am I bisexual out loud? Until I had three cameras on me and we're recording our first podcast and we're not even 11 minutes in.

No, no.

What are you talking about? I don't even, oh my God. Okay, your turn. Go ahead. It's Brynn's turn. Oh.

What are you talking about right now? Let me get to my point. Is this the blow dryer story?

You could smell your ex's perfume while you were blow drying your hair. It was my perfume. Okay.

Yes.

I'm a copy, paste, blank, word document white dude. I'm trying to learn. I'm here to learn.

Oh, so you're saying that there is a possibility that I'm bisexual.

Are you trying to gatekeep bisexuality? You're like, not to flex, but as a bisexual, I've dated boys and girls. I feel like anyone in their right mind is bisexual. If you can't look at someone else and be like, wow, that person is beautiful. no matter what their gender is. That's what I'm saying. I've never acted upon it. I haven't. I just haven't. I haven't.

Yeah, take a deep breath. Breathe normal. Breathe normal.

But you can appreciate a man's beauty.

Being gay, you have to be born with it. I don't know if it's a choice. I don't know if it's a choice.

If it was a choice, I'd choose men.

Let me elaborate on my thought. I don't know where I heard this, but good comedy is saying something and talking yourself out of it.

Yeah, you're like, I don't know how to breathe. You know, you just go. Yeah. Like, that's kind of, because it's like, we're just talking. We're just hanging out. Like, we normally do. We're just talking. But there's all this stuff here.

Yeah, that was great. No, no, no, don't click the crickets. Don't do it. Oh, they're going to click the crickets. Sitting it. Oh, sorry, now you got the buttons. You're like, Mario, don't play with the buttons.

And now you're playing with the buttons.

No, way worse. We should have a fight. Mario. You don't sound like that.

Okay, that's enough of that. Sorry. That's enough. Whoa. What were we talking about?

They're watching us. There's cameras. There's action. There's cameras. There's lights. There's a live studio audience. Hey, keep it down. Come on. Come. Oh, my God.

You know, I really... How do I say this? Anyone that disrespects you, tears you down, makes you feel horrible, I want to gently toss them into oncoming traffic. But the longer I date you, the longer I realize you do that more to you than anybody. You're literally perfection.

And so when you just constantly...

Oh, my God. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. It kills me.

Yeah, fair enough.

You should be.

You should be Cleopaturing everybody.

You know what I mean? You could take over. Like dudes like me would line up by the thousands just to catch a glimpse and do what you tell us to do. You know what I mean? You send us off to war. There we go. Spears in hand. Is she watching? Kablam. Dead. Right? That's what we do. That's what men have been doing for centuries. Nothing inspires a man more than a woman. And look at this muse.

Look at her. Show them your nails. I love your nails so much. Oh, my God. Women are so interesting. I wake up and I wear the clothes that I wore to bed out and about. If I even make it out... I wore pajama pants to the gas station today, and I'd like to formally apologize.

If you are wearing pajamas, you know what I mean, like prior to 5 o'clock, let alone in public, you know what I'm saying? It's like you're sending a message to the world. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I proudly was wearing Batman pajamas to the gas station. I'm one of those people now. That's me. You know what I mean? Am I getting canceled?

We've been talking about doing this since before we were dating.

I feel like I'm going to get canceled.

I'm not, okay. I'm not bisexual. Not that there's nothing wrong with, what am I saying?

I'm not bisexual.

How, like, there's nothing wrong with that, obviously.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. You guys want to hear about the first time I did stand up in front of Brynn, which was what, last week?

A whole... So many year ago, you know?

You okay? Yeah. Do you need some water? Can you take a break? Can you take five? I hate when you cough and your eyes get watery, and then I'm like, what happened? Who did this to you?

Do you need water?

She had to get water. It took me 25 seconds to get her water.

We were talking about me doing stand-up.

Yeah. I went and did stand-up for the first time live, and I bombed just a tad.

I did.

In my brain, I bombed.

People laughed the whole time.

It's been a year and...

But I can do better. I know I can do better.

I forgot.

Yeah, about halfway through my second bit, I forgot what I was doing and I literally yelled out into the darkness of the crowd. Brynn, what was I talking about in the car?

Yeah, I did, which I did coincidentally that same day. I crapped my pants.

And I'm funny. Oh, you got to fix the bangs just a little bit.

All right, here we go. We're going to do it. You have to shush. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold on. We've practiced this.