Mariska Hargitay

Not great for the self-esteem.

Feeling that you're an accident.

And that my mother left me in a mess.

So much anger.

So much rage.

And it is very painful to be angry at a dead person.

And so...

It was leaving me in a mess.

And so when I was...

I think 29 or 30, I went to Colorado to take care of my grandmother because my grandfather was having an operation.

And so I went into her closet and I opened up the shoe box and I found the letter my mother wrote to my grandmother that explained everything.

The letter that said, what should I do?

I love Mickey and I love Nelson.

And I'm so excited about this Italian baby, but I don't know what to do.

So that was the first moment when I went

I had empathy for her to go and that she was talking to me from heaven.

That was the moment, the first that I went, okay.

I'm not alone in this somehow, you know?

Because I've always been somebody who's looking for the signs, looking for the signs, and to be open for the signs.

And so after that, I went to Vegas and found Nelson.