Mark Groves

You know, because when I was more avoidant, it was that I did not know... The underlying story that lived in my mind was that when I loved people, they were going to leave me or betray me.

And I think that's such a simple practice, no matter your attachment style, is to just finish the sentence, when I love people, they... Because what that ultimately will point to, or when I love people, I, because that could be like, I abandon myself, I forget about my needs. It really points to the upper limit that is living unconsciously in the way that we relate.

And I think that's such a simple practice, no matter your attachment style, is to just finish the sentence, when I love people, they... Because what that ultimately will point to, or when I love people, I, because that could be like, I abandon myself, I forget about my needs. It really points to the upper limit that is living unconsciously in the way that we relate.

And I think that's such a simple practice, no matter your attachment style, is to just finish the sentence, when I love people, they... Because what that ultimately will point to, or when I love people, I, because that could be like, I abandon myself, I forget about my needs. It really points to the upper limit that is living unconsciously in the way that we relate.

And like you were saying, the way that someone relates to you is generally not personal. Their avoidance is not personal, it's a strategy. They don't know how to deal with your overwhelming feelings, so the best thing they can do is just peace out and get away.

And like you were saying, the way that someone relates to you is generally not personal. Their avoidance is not personal, it's a strategy. They don't know how to deal with your overwhelming feelings, so the best thing they can do is just peace out and get away.

And like you were saying, the way that someone relates to you is generally not personal. Their avoidance is not personal, it's a strategy. They don't know how to deal with your overwhelming feelings, so the best thing they can do is just peace out and get away.

And I joked about my wife and I, that being the joke of the universe, is that we like bring people into our experience who trigger us in the exact way that requires us to heal and resolve the things from our childhood. And we call it chemistry. And in a way it is, you know, it's like the perfect recipe.

And I joked about my wife and I, that being the joke of the universe, is that we like bring people into our experience who trigger us in the exact way that requires us to heal and resolve the things from our childhood. And we call it chemistry. And in a way it is, you know, it's like the perfect recipe.

And I joked about my wife and I, that being the joke of the universe, is that we like bring people into our experience who trigger us in the exact way that requires us to heal and resolve the things from our childhood. And we call it chemistry. And in a way it is, you know, it's like the perfect recipe.

for someone who's an avoidant, you know, being able to say to the person that they're in relationship with, you know, I really feel the need to leave right now. Like that's the sense I have. And maybe initially that's actually what's required is like, I need a couple hours, but I'm going to, they have to be the one who comes back, the person who asks for space.

for someone who's an avoidant, you know, being able to say to the person that they're in relationship with, you know, I really feel the need to leave right now. Like that's the sense I have. And maybe initially that's actually what's required is like, I need a couple hours, but I'm going to, they have to be the one who comes back, the person who asks for space.

for someone who's an avoidant, you know, being able to say to the person that they're in relationship with, you know, I really feel the need to leave right now. Like that's the sense I have. And maybe initially that's actually what's required is like, I need a couple hours, but I'm going to, they have to be the one who comes back, the person who asks for space.

Because it's always the anxious person is like, so are you ready to talk? You know? And sometimes I always joke that like the avoidant's like, I'll bring this back up. And then like 10 years later they're like, oh yeah, remember that thing?

Because it's always the anxious person is like, so are you ready to talk? You know? And sometimes I always joke that like the avoidant's like, I'll bring this back up. And then like 10 years later they're like, oh yeah, remember that thing?

Because it's always the anxious person is like, so are you ready to talk? You know? And sometimes I always joke that like the avoidant's like, I'll bring this back up. And then like 10 years later they're like, oh yeah, remember that thing?

Yeah, and for the anxious person to be able to say, like, together as a couple working through something like that is, you know, like, what would you need to hear from me as I take this space? Do you need me to check in on you in a couple hours? And I'll be the one who comes back and you make the rule no longer than 24 hours.

Yeah, and for the anxious person to be able to say, like, together as a couple working through something like that is, you know, like, what would you need to hear from me as I take this space? Do you need me to check in on you in a couple hours? And I'll be the one who comes back and you make the rule no longer than 24 hours.

Yeah, and for the anxious person to be able to say, like, together as a couple working through something like that is, you know, like, what would you need to hear from me as I take this space? Do you need me to check in on you in a couple hours? And I'll be the one who comes back and you make the rule no longer than 24 hours.

And hopefully you just bring that time down until eventually both people, as you were saying, they heal their stories. Like when they take space, they leave. Or when they have needs, I get overwhelmed and it becomes all about them. I think it's actually ethically a deep responsibility for any interventionalist to actually do somatic work.