Mark Manson

Yeah.

And then there's this period where you're like going out surfing.

You're like, do I like this?

I don't know if I like this.

Is this is this me?

Like, am I this person?

And so there's this like just this kind of awkward teenage phase that happens, I think, as you kind of reconstruct your identity.

And then finally, step four is the reorganization kind of coalesce.

simultaneously right so it's at some point everything kind of starts slotting together of like new belief systems new value systems new relationships new behaviors these adaptations exist in in a network in a web you can't only get new relationships without also getting new behaviors and new beliefs and new values right like all of them have to change simultaneously right and if it is a value that has collapsed

It becomes a forcing function.

Let's say you go through some sort of existential crisis or something or traumatic experience and you come out of it and you decide my family is the most important thing in the world.

That prioritization of family, like that becomes the lens by which you make all your decisions, by which you create all your behaviors, by which you generate all your new beliefs.

Everything optimizes for that.

You just told me the steps.

Yes.

You know, I don't know if we can't, but if we can, I think we can only really do it on like a very minor scale.

These massive sudden changes, like I think part of what makes them so powerful is that they cannot happen on purpose.

Like you said, they have to happen to us because the part of you that needs to change the most is the part of you that is the most determined to stay the same.

It's also the thing that's trying to get it out of, like, right?

It's you...