Mark Manson

Super if-then and it becomes unconscious relatively quickly.

It operates at the level below awareness.

So the next form of adaptation is emotional patterns.

And this is something that I think anybody who's gone to therapy has probably picked up on.

Oftentimes what happens is you grow up in a family where certain emotions are encouraged or discouraged.

And because they're encouraged or discouraged, you develop a

habit or a pattern at a young age of defaulting to a certain emotion in certain situations.

Like in the household I grew up in, anger wasn't really seen as appropriate.

So it was seen as unnecessary, just causing problems.

And so I learned at a very young age to just not get angry.

Like I'm definitely one of those people like I just bottle shit up for a long time and then, you know, lose my mind.

About once every two or three years.

That's an adaptation.

Like I developed that in my childhood as a way to interact with my environment.

And I probably adapted it because I, too, am an agreeable person.

And and I didn't want to upset my parents and I didn't want to cause problems in my house.

And so that that's just operated, you know, unconsciously beneath the surface for for a long, long time.

Yeah.

And if you think back to the attachment theory, insecure attachment is very much an if-then thing, right?

It's like mom and dad were not, that stable base, right, was not available consistently.