Mark Manson

Therefore, I have learned not to rely on it.

Therefore, intimacy makes me uncomfortable and my natural tendency is to run away from it, right?

So it's, yeah.

That would be an avoidant attachment right there.

Yeah.

So it's like, it's happening at a super, super low level.

The next adaptation layer is belief systems.

And I think this, what's interesting about beliefs is that they're not if-then reactions themselves.

They're more like kind of the cognitive reaction to our if-then, they're like the justifications for our if-then reactions.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'll use my wife as an example.

Like she grew up very poor in Brazil.

And so she grew up with some pretty strong views about money and the significance of money and what money meant in relationships and what money means just in general in life.

And obviously that's just a product of the environment that she grew up in.

She needed to have those beliefs to survive her childhood, to get out of poverty, essentially.

right and then what she ran into is that once she became an adult and became successful and was financially stable and secure a lot of those same beliefs about money were now holding her back right because now they're no longer adaptive and so this happens all the time to us i mean i can probably think of like a dozen times in my life where

some belief that i had you know made a lot of sense at a certain time in my life and then 10 years later i'm like oh this is stupid i should stop believing this you know yeah i think all adaptations probably at some point right if we have these adaptations from when we're younger or any point in our life really and then at some point they become they don't become helpful anymore even they become unhealthy i feel like a lot of listeners have been asking recently like

what I've changed my mind about.

It's funny.

I've always gotten that question, but I feel like it just in the last two or three years, people are asking it a lot.