Mark Manson

So I think there are some thought exercises you could go through. And you could do this in a journal. You could do this with a therapist. You could do it with a friend. I think the first one is take your relationship situation and imagine it's two other people.

So I think there are some thought exercises you could go through. And you could do this in a journal. You could do this with a therapist. You could do it with a friend. I think the first one is take your relationship situation and imagine it's two other people.

and switch around who the people are, switch around the genders, switch around the age, the, you know, who the people are and see if the dynamics, see if it still feels true to you. Ask yourself if this, if my best friend was in this If my best friend's partner was doing the thing to them that I'm doing to my partner, how would I feel about it? And I think that can be very illuminating.

and switch around who the people are, switch around the genders, switch around the age, the, you know, who the people are and see if the dynamics, see if it still feels true to you. Ask yourself if this, if my best friend was in this If my best friend's partner was doing the thing to them that I'm doing to my partner, how would I feel about it? And I think that can be very illuminating.

Ask people close to you. Yeah. Feedback. Feedback. And this is the tricky thing is that a lot of people don't have people around themselves that will give them honest feedback.

Ask people close to you. Yeah. Feedback. Feedback. And this is the tricky thing is that a lot of people don't have people around themselves that will give them honest feedback.

Well, and that just made me think of a good point, too, is that generally people who are in bad relationships, bad romantic relationships, probably also have bad relationships with friends, with family. They're just bad at relationships in general, right? So finding somebody who... is capable of giving you honest, critical feedback. Saying like, hey man, I think you're in the wrong on this one.

Well, and that just made me think of a good point, too, is that generally people who are in bad relationships, bad romantic relationships, probably also have bad relationships with friends, with family. They're just bad at relationships in general, right? So finding somebody who... is capable of giving you honest, critical feedback. Saying like, hey man, I think you're in the wrong on this one.

Like, I think, I think she's got a point. You know, you want to find somebody in your life who is capable of saying that to you and then ask them for their honest opinion. And, You know, it's like a doctor, right? Like, you want to get multiple... If it's a serious issue, you want to go get multiple opinions. Yes.

Like, I think, I think she's got a point. You know, you want to find somebody in your life who is capable of saying that to you and then ask them for their honest opinion. And, You know, it's like a doctor, right? Like, you want to get multiple... If it's a serious issue, you want to go get multiple opinions. Yes.

Very hard. Right? Like, it's... You feel... It's hard not to take it personally. It's hard to... And I think it's because sometimes people, there are people in the world who their feedback is critical and judgmental, right? It's like they're not trying to help you. They're trying to cut you down. Hurt you, yeah. Yeah.

Very hard. Right? Like, it's... You feel... It's hard not to take it personally. It's hard to... And I think it's because sometimes people, there are people in the world who their feedback is critical and judgmental, right? It's like they're not trying to help you. They're trying to cut you down. Hurt you, yeah. Yeah.

And it's so finding people who can give you free feedback, but they're giving it for your own benefit is really good. You also bring up something that's super interesting about all of this, which is

And it's so finding people who can give you free feedback, but they're giving it for your own benefit is really good. You also bring up something that's super interesting about all of this, which is

these emotional skills they're very domain specific like i i meet people all the time who are emotional geniuses in their professional work life and then they go home and in front of their kids they just melt down right and like can't handle anything right and then there are other people who are the complete opposite like they're just amazing family members and friends and then they go to work and they just get walked over by everybody

these emotional skills they're very domain specific like i i meet people all the time who are emotional geniuses in their professional work life and then they go home and in front of their kids they just melt down right and like can't handle anything right and then there are other people who are the complete opposite like they're just amazing family members and friends and then they go to work and they just get walked over by everybody

It sounds like you had a... I mean, obviously, you were an athlete. You had a lot of confidence in the sports domain, right? So it's like even if a coach... I imagine there were plenty of coaches that chewed you out and told you you screwed up. But you knew you're like, I'm good at this. I'm a good athlete and I'm going to get better.

It sounds like you had a... I mean, obviously, you were an athlete. You had a lot of confidence in the sports domain, right? So it's like even if a coach... I imagine there were plenty of coaches that chewed you out and told you you screwed up. But you knew you're like, I'm good at this. I'm a good athlete and I'm going to get better.

Whereas if you've never had that evidence accumulate in your personal life, that you're a good person, that people love you, that people want to be friends with you, then yeah, that feedback is scary.

Whereas if you've never had that evidence accumulate in your personal life, that you're a good person, that people love you, that people want to be friends with you, then yeah, that feedback is scary.