Mark Steel

And so he burns down the town hall in protest against the new potato regulations.

And that's,

And that's what you do.

So they win a Paris Saint-Germain win.

They're not entirely popular within Paris, I think, Paris Saint-Germain, because there's such a symbol of opulence and stuff.

But I'm sort of, yeah, I don't know.

Are you glad they won, really, from a sporting point of view?

So it's... Yeah, I don't... It's quite like when they had all the top stars, they couldn't win because all the top stars were just playing for themselves.

I'm with you there.

I'm with you there.

I think that should be.

So I think there are certain things that Keir Starmer's clearly incapable of anything, of changing anything very much for the better.

There's certain things he could do, and I think one of the things he could do is make that stuttering thing when you take illegal, no trial, straight to jail, 10 years.

What would be the equivalent in poker of the stuttering sort of as you're about to end over the car?

You need Duolingo to play in cricket.

Well, all of those things, plus one of history's great psychopaths making sure that he's in the centre of all of it.

And then are they actually going to do this like a half hour, half time for the final so that they can have one of their stupid shows like the Super Bowl?

Like they're embarrassed that it's a game of football and they've got to get Coldplay to come and do some shite in the middle of it.

And just as if there was any lingering, lingering hope in it for me that it would be worth watching, Adam Walton from Crystal Palace wasn't picked by Thomas Tuchel.

So f*** the whole thing.