Marlon James

So it's teenage Christian summer camp.

But I'm not a camper, I'm the camp marshal.

And what that usually meant was that whenever there were congregations of people of different genitalia, I would show up with a ruler and just go, make space for Jesus.

My genius was that I could appear anywhere.

If somebody with male genitalia ended up anywhere near someone with female genitalia and they move within 11 inches of each other, I showed up in between and went, make space for Jesus.

And I was pretty good at this.

But it wasn't until one service where I realized what my true talent was.

It was six o'clock.

It was the second service.

It was two services because we were devout like that.

And...

In the middle of church, in the middle of this service, a 14-year-old girl, 14, 15-year-old girl starts screaming.

She's screaming.

She's hollering.

She's running around the church.

If you know anything about my church, that is normal behavior.

But she's screaming at a pretty high volume.

And the guest preacher, who's from Texas, so I figure he knows his stuff.

Um...

He comes towards her to touch her, and she just yells and runs straight out of the church.