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Chapter 1: What stories of seismic changes are shared in this episode?
This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Brandon Grant from the Moth, and I'll be your host this time. In this hour, we bring you four stories about seismic moments and subtle shifts. An expectant mother finds power in trusting her body. A young artist follows her heart through divorce. A woman recalls the impact of a hurricane.
And in our first story, acclaimed Jamaican author Marlon James reflects on his time as a junior exorcist. A quick note, there is some reference to sexual awakening in this story. Marlon told this at a Moth main stage in St. Paul where we partner with Minnesota Public Radio. Here's Marlon James live at the Moth.
So it's teenage Christian summer camp. But I'm not a camper, I'm the camp marshal. And what that usually meant was that whenever there were congregations of people of different genitalia, I would show up with a ruler and just go, make space for Jesus. My genius was that I could appear anywhere.
If somebody with male genitalia ended up anywhere near someone with female genitalia and they move within 11 inches of each other, I showed up in between and went, make space for Jesus. And I was pretty good at this. But it wasn't until one service where I realized what my true talent was. It was six o'clock. It was the second service. It was two services because we were devout like that. And...
In the middle of church, in the middle of this service, a 14-year-old girl, 14, 15-year-old girl starts screaming. She's screaming. She's hollering. She's running around the church. If you know anything about my church, that is normal behavior. But she's screaming at a pretty high volume. And the guest preacher, who's from Texas, so I figure he knows his stuff. Um...
He comes towards her to touch her, and she just yells and runs straight out of the church. She dashes out of the church. And without even thinking, I dashed straight after her.
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Chapter 2: How did Marlon James discover his talent as a junior exorcist?
And she collapses. She collapses to the ground, and I catch her, and I'm holding her down. And the pastor comes up and says, you know, by the power of Jesus, I cast you out. And this little 14-year-old girl develops the strength of a linebacker. And I am holding her down and he's praying and he's casting out demons. And he's saying, by the spirit of Jesus, I cast you out.
And she looks at me and goes, I'm not coming out. And before I could lose my shit. The pastor says, no, by the authority of Jesus, I cast you out. And he does some more authorizing and lays hands. And she squeals, she screams, she shouts. And then she just sort of collapses in my arms and opens her eyes. And she looks straight at me and straight at the pastor. And she was fine.
She was a 14-year-old girl again. And with that, I became a junior exorcist. Now, there are things you need to know about demons. Demons don't possess you, they influence you. Most of the time, they can't read your thoughts, but most of the time when they're talking, you think it's you. And demons don't need you to believe. And I was very good as a junior exorcist. I was the devil driving muscle.
But even during that, and becoming really, really good at this, there were always things that were plaguing me, and things I was struggling with, and you know, it's two o'clock in the morning and you're on a website you shouldn't be on. And I am having all these feelings, and I'm having these things that I'm seeing, and I'm seeing all these men, and they're always naked.
And I'm thinking, I'm having all these struggles, these demons, and I'm thinking, you know, I can't wrestle from all this sexual sin, so it must be demons. And there's this abundant life I'm supposed to be living in church, and I'm not living it, demons. And, you know, I am thinking of George Clooney and he's not wearing any clothes. It must be demons.
But more than that, more than that, I realized something that I wanted to be a normal person so badly. Actually, that's not true. I didn't want to be a normal person at all. I wanted to want it. I didn't want marriage and a family and kids. I wanted to want that. I didn't want to be acceptable. I wanted to want acceptance.
I didn't want to wake up in the morning with my family and we're eating Cheerios and I asked how was band practice. I wanted to want these things. And I wanted to be normal so badly it didn't care if I wasn't happy. And I got to the point where I realized as a junior exorcist that I needed to be exercised. So I called my best friend at the time who conveniently was a pastor.
And I said, you know, I think I need to be delivered. Because in charismatic churches, we call them deliverances, not exorcism. I know you thought squeal like a pig. But so I call, and my exorcism date was set up, and I headed to another church, because word couldn't get out that the exorcist was being exorcised. And so I went to this other church, and there was a room.
It was a small, like 12 feet by 12 feet room. It was beige. There were small windows at the top. It looked like prison. And I was thinking, even at that point, I can leave. I can go. I can get out of this place.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Hannah Brennan offer about trusting one's body?
Nobody will know. Nobody will care. And just when I'm thinking that, a man and a woman come in, and they sit down. And looking at them sitting down made me look at the floor. And on the floor were two big black garbage bags. And the man says to me, tell me about yourself. And I have a script when everybody, anybody asks me that. I go into how I love my dad, but I hate him.
And, you know, we're not together. We're not close. And, you know, I've come to a certain point of acceptance of him. And I don't I hate him, I just dislike him very much. And I was very, very pleased with this answer. I was a sexually confused dude with daddy issues, like half of the audience here. And I was very satisfied with this answer. And then he said to me, tell me about your mother.
And I froze. It never occurred to me at all to think about my mother. And it just came all at once that everything I was living at that time, the lie I was living, the ways in which I was not being myself was all in this effort to never disappoint my mother. And I realized at that point, my entire life was built around the sham of not displeasing my mom.
And I opened my mouth to say all of this and a scream came out. And I couldn't stop screaming. I couldn't stop bawling. I was crying. I was shaking. And the two pastors immediately jumped up and started to speak in tongues I've never heard. And You know, I started to cry and choke so much that I started to vomit, and they grabbed the first garbage bag.
They were screaming, they were laying hands out sometimes and pulling hands off, and I just couldn't control myself. And I said, you know, if people knew the real me, nobody would love me, and he was like, all love is in Christ and that's a lie from the pit of hell. And then I'd say, there is no life of the mind in a church. You're all morons.
And he was like, that is a lie from the pit of hell and so on. And then I said, he sees men naked every time he prays. And that was the first time it was my voice, it was coming out of my mouth, but it was spoken in the third person. And that's when literally all hell broke loose. They grabbed me, they started to again, pray and lay hands. I am crying, I'm choking.
And at one point, the woman who up to this point has not really said anything, looks at me and says, you have to cast them out. And two things hit me. One, as an exorcist, I'm usually the demon caster. So the idea of casting out my own demons made no sense. And the second thing is she said them. He says, yes, you have many demons in you. You have to cast them out. And she led me in this prayer.
And I went, you know, by the power of Jesus, I cast you out. By the power of Jesus, I cast you out. By the power of Jesus, I cast you out. And I said that eight times because there were eight demons in me. And afterwards, when it was all done, she just held my face in her hands and smiled. And the male pastor said, it's over. And he said, you know, you're free. You're going to go home now.
And I want you to purify your life. I want you to not give the demons entryway. Because another thing about demons, once they leave you, they come back with seven. And so I went home to purify my life. I got rid of TV, which was the first time I found out that my cable was canceled four years earlier. So that really wasn't very hard.
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Chapter 4: How did Tricia Rose Burt find comfort in art during her divorce?
As a fellow Jamaican who grew up in a pretty religious family, Marlon's story brought back many memories from my childhood. I never felt at ease knowing I was different. It wasn't until I came to peace with who I was as a gay man that I started to feel less at odds with everything around me. My perspective shifted, which allowed me to step into the world as my true self.
In a moment, we'll hear a story about the birth of a child under unlikely circumstances when the Moth Radio Hour continues.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.
This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Brandon Grant. This hour is all about turning points and new horizons. Hannah Brennan told this story at a Moth community engagement program showcase in Brooklyn. The evening was presented by our friends at the Kate Spade New York Foundation. Here's Hannah, live at the Moth.
I lower myself, heavy and hot, into my favorite yellow armchair. As I sit, my very large, very pregnant stomach weighs heavy on my thighs. I am huge. I haven't been able to see, let alone reach my swollen, tingling feet for weeks. and it is a hot, humid, sweaty, sticky July in Virginia. I'm at home waiting to give birth to my first child.
My midwife is soon to arrive with her senior student for what has become her daily visit because I am three weeks past my due date. Three weeks. What are they going to say today? When I first became pregnant, my husband and I did some research and spoke to other mums.
It was 2017, and we discovered that in the USA, medical intervention is common in hospital births, and one in three ends in cesarean section. That is major abdominal surgery. Some people said that it wasn't advisable to have a home birth at my ripe old age of 41. But I really wanted an undisturbed, unmedicated birth at home. And my husband was in full support.
At around four months pregnant, we found our midwife. This woman had been delivering babies longer than I had been alive. It's no exaggeration to say that I loved and trusted her from our very first meeting. My husband and I began monthly prenatal sessions with her and each one was over an hour. We focused not on charts or measurements but on conversations about my life.
Always giving me the lead, she would ask me questions that made me reflect. In one of our early prenatal sessions, with my characteristic desire to know and understand, I asked the questions that you ask when you've never had a baby before. How will I know when I'm in proper labor? When will you come? What will happen next?
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Chapter 5: What reflections does Kim Sykes share about growing up in New Orleans?
This indelible part of me that everyone could see, my body, I considered a failure. A liability. And I was angry and I was confused and I was really hurt. So I decided to be smart instead. And long after my body began to change physically, those messages stayed with me. And being smart and having a plan and being in control became key to my identity and my feelings of success.
And then becoming pregnant and my body is growing and changing in ways that I don't understand, it still felt pretty important to have a plan and be in control. But that was because I still believed my body to be a liability, not a source of wisdom. As months went by, my baby grew inside me. And with my midwife's gentle probing, I started to rediscover my body's wisdom.
A true teacher, she made it clear in her method that she was the expert in midwifery, and she trusted and believed in me to be the expert in my body and in giving birth. I started to trust that if my body could make a brand new human being, it probably knew how to get it out. But here I am, in pain and discomfort in my yellow chair, far too pregnant.
My midwife and her student arrive and sit close to me. She presses her hands gently but keenly on my ankles, checking the level of swelling. After careful observation, she says, there is no indication that this baby is in distress. Nor is there any indication that you are in distress. All the signs suggest that your body is moving towards birth. Just very slowly.
We can go to the hospital, or we can wait a little longer. It's your choice. We sit in silence. Tears trickle down my cheeks. Her advice seemed so wise just a few weeks ago. And now, surrender to my body's wisdom. I'm hot, I'm tired, everything hurts, and I'm not feeling too wise right now. I'm telling myself that my body knows how to give birth and I want to believe it. Am I fooling myself?
Am I risking my baby's safety? I'm not supposed to be this far past my due date. Is something wrong? And wait a little longer? This waiting and trusting is really hard. Plus my family and friends are saying with more and more force, you have got to go to the hospital. I've turned my phone off.
I'm too pregnant and too open to hear their fears and concerns now, otherwise I may just start believing them. Again, I notice her hands on my feet, this time for comfort and reassurance. She knows that going to the hospital will likely lead to the interventions I so want to avoid. Heck, if I was having a hospital birth, I would have been induced two weeks ago.
She also knows that in over 40 years of practice, she has rarely seen a woman go this far. She looks at me with such love and says, it's okay. You can trust yourself. That night, under the full moon, I tell myself, my body knows how to give birth. This baby knows how to be born. Please, Moon, help me. This baby has got to come out. The next morning, I go into labor.
My husband, my constant support, My midwife's model of care is to stay out of my line of sight. I barely see them, but I know they are there monitoring me and the baby. My body labors as it needs to. And when it's time for birth, they are there with me. Their quiet presence makes me feel completely supported and that my body is completely in charge.
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