Mason Davis
Appearances
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Used to live with a couple guys that are super into like Star Wars and Marvels. Marvel, don't get me wrong, those are great movies, but do you guys know how hard it is to get laid when your front doormat says all Jedi's welcome? Like, I thought we were friends, man. Whose side are you on? I don't know. It was a nice brand new apartment.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I wanted to show it off, but it was just decorated like it was the set of the 40-year-old Virgin. It was really unfortunate. Did you guys know that pussy dehumidifiers are a real thing? Turns out it was actually just my apartment. I don't know. I recently found out that my neighbor is a black, beautiful queen.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
And I'm not the smoothest with the ladies, but I finally worked up the courage to go and introduce myself. I went up, talked to her, said my name. She said her name back. And then a bee started flying around her head, and she screamed and took off running. Now, if you're just walking your dog across the street enjoying your morning, you can't see a fucking bee.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
You just see a white man and a black lady having a conversation, and she takes off running. I don't know. We did finally hook up recently, though, but I let her peg me, but it was only, like, reparations.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Out in the middle of nowhere. I was living about an hour and a half south of Portland, so I was driving up there like once a week.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I didn't live there, but yes, driving through, you'd see a bunch on the road. Okay, on the road.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I went there with my dad when I first moved here. He was looking for a pair of boots and was like, this would be a pretty good job.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Did I try hooking up with her? Yeah. Like I said, I'm not that good with talking to girls, so just introducing myself was a big step.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Boot barn. And I saved a good, I used to be a welder. And so I saved up a couple of bucks before I moved.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
It was about $5,000. Damn. Man. I appreciate the guess, though.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
No, it's usually just like a bunch of, because it depends on the people that come in, because some people have worn boots before, so they're just looking for a certain thing, and some people are like, I have never worn boots before. Whores.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I used to, I made all my friends laugh, and I really enjoyed that, and then I just realized.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Yeah, and I was getting good, and I was getting better at stand-up when I was doing it, but I wasn't doing it that much.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I'm just trying to figure out the city because I moved here pretty recently. This is my first time living in a big city, and it's a little overwhelming at first, but I've been falling in love with it. I've been trying to figure out where the cool little spots are. Sentinel dealers? Yeah. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Like in Albany, where I'm from, there's not a street that shuts down for bars. There's maybe one bar, one or two bars. And so when I came down to that the first night, I was like, this is degeneracy. And it was awesome. I loved it. Yeah, it is lovely.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I crashed a motorcycle, my buddy's motorcycle. How did that happen? I was driving at night, and I didn't know that the road turned, and I just went straight. Oh, shit. Into a field, and... But we're doing good now, so. Did you get hurt? I split my knee open, like kneecap like volcanoed out and you could like see my kneecap.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I think it was like. 1600, 1700. Okay. What kind of motorcycle?