MatPat (The Game Theorists)

One, alligators have this

flap at the back of their mouths known as the palatal valve that sort of acts like a fleshy barrier.

It's there to make sure that gators don't accidentally swallow water while they're hunting underwater.

And given we are using Linda to traverse underwater, I doubt she's going to be opening hers to let any children through.

Even if she did, they'd run into reason number two, which is that getting stuck inside a gator's stomach might be among the worst deaths they could face.

And that's saying something given this game.

A gator's stomach is super inhospitable.

When they're digesting a particularly large morsel of food, like, say, a child, they actually shuttle blood away from their lungs and towards their stomachs so they can pump it with more carbon dioxide and make their stomachs even more acidic.

As a result, some estimates say that gators have stomachs that are as much as 10 times more acidic than any mammal.

So, yeah, these kids ain't surviving that, which means we're gonna stick to them staying firmly inside Linda's big old mouth.

But before we can measure that mouth, we first need to figure out the size of our would-be crocodile hunter.

Sorry, alligator.

Now, while most of the children in kindergarten appear to be around the same size, that doesn't tell us exactly how big they are.

I mean, their school is leaking radioactive goo, for all we know, they could be mutant children.

Normally, this is where I would bust out the pixel measurements and look around the school to find something with a standardized set of measurements that we could use.

You know, something like the height of a door or the spacing of bricks.

Something we know has a fixed measurement.

And actually, the school has a bunch of those things available to us.

The only problem is...

How do I put this?