MatPat (The Game Theorists)

There's Emmy with her bloodthirsty vegetable patch.

And there's Davey, the son of the missing principal.

But it's fine, he doesn't seem all that bothered about it because he has become infatuated with Linda, the humongous alligator just chilling uncaged in front of the kindergarten.

But when I was playing through the game on my own, I also found that I was drawn to Linda.

Just for totally different reasons.

Not because she was in the war with the janitor, although that's definitely strange.

It's because of this moment right here.

Don't worry, the kid's fine.

It turns out, Linda doubles as a mode of transportation between the schoolyard and the secret lab hidden underneath the school.

Immediately, my theorist brain wondered, how do they fit in there?

And then, the game literally asked the very same question.

It's like they're taunting me personally, begging me to get to the bottom of this ridiculous premise.

Well, like Nugget with a basket of delicious chickeny goodness, I too can gobble down dumb math like there's no tomorrow.

Literally.

So join me, theorists, as we crawl into the belly, or at least the mouth, of the beast with nothing but a prayer and a tape measure.

And that is actually a pretty good place to start.

Where is lovely Linda actually storing these kids?

In the game, it appears as though we just jump into her mouth, it closes, and that's it.

Initially I wondered if maybe they could be making their way into her stomach, you know, just for the sake of room, only to essentially get thrown back up on the other side.

But when I looked into it, there were a few interesting factoids that changed my mind.