Matt Abrahams

There's another phrase in improv that I think is so powerful for many of us when it comes to spontaneous speaking, which is do what needs to be done. Nothing more, nothing less. Many of us get in our heads and say, how do I answer this right? How do I not offend somebody? So sometimes daring to be dull, doing what needs to be done is all you need to do.

There's another phrase in improv that I think is so powerful for many of us when it comes to spontaneous speaking, which is do what needs to be done. Nothing more, nothing less. Many of us get in our heads and say, how do I answer this right? How do I not offend somebody? So sometimes daring to be dull, doing what needs to be done is all you need to do.

And that helps you be effective in that moment.

And that helps you be effective in that moment.

Okay. Yes. So that can be very challenging. So one of the main areas I talk about in the second part of the book is small talk. And small talk is one of these things where we often find ourselves in conversations that we don't want to be part of and we need to get out of them. I, on my podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, had the pleasure of interviewing someone named Rachel Greenwald.

Okay. Yes. So that can be very challenging. So one of the main areas I talk about in the second part of the book is small talk. And small talk is one of these things where we often find ourselves in conversations that we don't want to be part of and we need to get out of them. I, on my podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, had the pleasure of interviewing someone named Rachel Greenwald.

Rachel is fascinating. She is an academic and a professional matchmaker, and she has wonderful advice. And she taught me what I call or what she calls and what I use is the white flag approach. And it doesn't mean surrender. It doesn't mean you're in a situation, a conversation you don't want to be in and you surrender. Rather, in auto racing, they signal the last lap by waving the white flag.

Rachel is fascinating. She is an academic and a professional matchmaker, and she has wonderful advice. And she taught me what I call or what she calls and what I use is the white flag approach. And it doesn't mean surrender. It doesn't mean you're in a situation, a conversation you don't want to be in and you surrender. Rather, in auto racing, they signal the last lap by waving the white flag.

It tells all the drivers that we're about to end the race. In conversation, you can exit politely by simply waving the white flag. Simply say, in a few minutes, I want to go talk to somebody over there. But before I go and you ask another question or you share some information with them about something they said.

It tells all the drivers that we're about to end the race. In conversation, you can exit politely by simply waving the white flag. Simply say, in a few minutes, I want to go talk to somebody over there. But before I go and you ask another question or you share some information with them about something they said.

So you continue the conversation just a little bit longer and then you excuse yourself. Now, because you've previewed that you're excusing yourself, nobody's surprised. There's less awkwardness. It gives the other person or people a chance to figure out what they're going to do so they're not just left there in a strange way.

So you continue the conversation just a little bit longer and then you excuse yourself. Now, because you've previewed that you're excusing yourself, nobody's surprised. There's less awkwardness. It gives the other person or people a chance to figure out what they're going to do so they're not just left there in a strange way.

And it gets us away from the exiting of most awkward conversations that we do, which is through biology. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I have to go to the bathroom. So instead, by waving the white flag, it's just much easier. It's much more graceful. And I use it all the time. And it works.

And it gets us away from the exiting of most awkward conversations that we do, which is through biology. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I have to go to the bathroom. So instead, by waving the white flag, it's just much easier. It's much more graceful. And I use it all the time. And it works.

Yes. And many of us find ourselves in these situations. So you say, I don't know. Right. So when somebody says, you know, ask you a question and you don't know the answer, you say, I don't know. But you immediately follow it up with what you're going to do to find the answer out and give a time frame for when you will get back to them.

Yes. And many of us find ourselves in these situations. So you say, I don't know. Right. So when somebody says, you know, ask you a question and you don't know the answer, you say, I don't know. But you immediately follow it up with what you're going to do to find the answer out and give a time frame for when you will get back to them.

And if you have a hunch or an inkling as to what the answer might be, you can say that. So I might say something like, I don't know that answer. I'm going to go talk to Stephanie and I'm going to get back to you within 24 hours. My hunch is the answer is this. Now, many of us feel that when we don't know an answer, that that's horrific, that that's awful.

And if you have a hunch or an inkling as to what the answer might be, you can say that. So I might say something like, I don't know that answer. I'm going to go talk to Stephanie and I'm going to get back to you within 24 hours. My hunch is the answer is this. Now, many of us feel that when we don't know an answer, that that's horrific, that that's awful.

In fact, the expectation that you know everything is pretty strange, right? It's not reasonable, right?

In fact, the expectation that you know everything is pretty strange, right? It's not reasonable, right?