Matt Abrahams

Do you see how that shifts the topic? What the research shows is that many of us use more shifting turns than supportive turns, but The research also shows when you use more supporting turns, you actually endear, connect, and get deeper with the person.

Do you see how that shifts the topic? What the research shows is that many of us use more shifting turns than supportive turns, but The research also shows when you use more supporting turns, you actually endear, connect, and get deeper with the person.

So the advice that many of us who study this suggest is you'd like at least two-thirds to three-quarters of your conversational turns to be supporting and then the rest to be shifting. If you do all shifting, then you look distancing and like you don't care and you're a narcissist.

So the advice that many of us who study this suggest is you'd like at least two-thirds to three-quarters of your conversational turns to be supporting and then the rest to be shifting. If you do all shifting, then you look distancing and like you don't care and you're a narcissist.

So the advice that many of us who study this suggest is you'd like at least two-thirds to three-quarters of your conversational turns to be supporting and then the rest to be shifting. If you do all shifting, then you look distancing and like you don't care and you're a narcissist.

And if all you do is supportive turns, it looks like you don't want to talk about yourself at all and you're hiding something. So you want this nice blend. So between the spotlight effect and the shifting and supporting turn-taking, I think those are some topics that people might not think about and might be counterintuitive.

And if all you do is supportive turns, it looks like you don't want to talk about yourself at all and you're hiding something. So you want this nice blend. So between the spotlight effect and the shifting and supporting turn-taking, I think those are some topics that people might not think about and might be counterintuitive.

And if all you do is supportive turns, it looks like you don't want to talk about yourself at all and you're hiding something. So you want this nice blend. So between the spotlight effect and the shifting and supporting turn-taking, I think those are some topics that people might not think about and might be counterintuitive.

But his stories are delightful. I cite some of the stories, but you're right. Yes, yes. Spectacular human. So you must, in those circumstances, I mean, if somebody is of that way, structure helps, number one. And number two, when you're in those circumstances, and I've had this happen on my podcast, that's where I paraphrase. I interrupt. I highlight something important.

But his stories are delightful. I cite some of the stories, but you're right. Yes, yes. Spectacular human. So you must, in those circumstances, I mean, if somebody is of that way, structure helps, number one. And number two, when you're in those circumstances, and I've had this happen on my podcast, that's where I paraphrase. I interrupt. I highlight something important.

But his stories are delightful. I cite some of the stories, but you're right. Yes, yes. Spectacular human. So you must, in those circumstances, I mean, if somebody is of that way, structure helps, number one. And number two, when you're in those circumstances, and I've had this happen on my podcast, that's where I paraphrase. I interrupt. I highlight something important.

They say, I'll say, oh, that point you just made really important leads me to this because it's the politest way I know. To short circuit where that's going, because it's it's super complex and confusing for me. And I can only imagine those listening are going to find it difficult as well. So I feel obligated to to to bring it back to some core point that people can take away.

They say, I'll say, oh, that point you just made really important leads me to this because it's the politest way I know. To short circuit where that's going, because it's it's super complex and confusing for me. And I can only imagine those listening are going to find it difficult as well. So I feel obligated to to to bring it back to some core point that people can take away.

They say, I'll say, oh, that point you just made really important leads me to this because it's the politest way I know. To short circuit where that's going, because it's it's super complex and confusing for me. And I can only imagine those listening are going to find it difficult as well. So I feel obligated to to to bring it back to some core point that people can take away.

So a couple of things here. This comes up often. Filler words, ums, uhs, likes, I means, these are normal and natural part of speech. In fact, there's some good research that says when kids are younger, parents will often insert a filler word, not strategically, it's just habitual, before they say something that's important or new to the kid. So we have actually learned

So a couple of things here. This comes up often. Filler words, ums, uhs, likes, I means, these are normal and natural part of speech. In fact, there's some good research that says when kids are younger, parents will often insert a filler word, not strategically, it's just habitual, before they say something that's important or new to the kid. So we have actually learned

So a couple of things here. This comes up often. Filler words, ums, uhs, likes, I means, these are normal and natural part of speech. In fact, there's some good research that says when kids are younger, parents will often insert a filler word, not strategically, it's just habitual, before they say something that's important or new to the kid. So we have actually learned

as young children that when you hear a filler word, something important is following it. And the problem is if what the important thing following it is another um or uh, then we become very distracted. So the goal is not eliminating these. However, we want to make sure that we don't have so many that they are interruptive, that they distract.

as young children that when you hear a filler word, something important is following it. And the problem is if what the important thing following it is another um or uh, then we become very distracted. So the goal is not eliminating these. However, we want to make sure that we don't have so many that they are interruptive, that they distract.

as young children that when you hear a filler word, something important is following it. And the problem is if what the important thing following it is another um or uh, then we become very distracted. So the goal is not eliminating these. However, we want to make sure that we don't have so many that they are interruptive, that they distract.