Matt McCusker

Dude, it's just going to be a bunch of fucking thick trans kids on gummies out there.

Here was one of the problems.

Did you know that 70% of young Americans are unfit to serve in the military?

They couldn't serve in the military.

70%.

Yeah, that's no surprise, man.

I mean, that's sad.

That blew my mind.

Really?

Yeah, when I was a kid, I feel like...

It felt like 70% could serve in the military.

Yeah, for sure.

You had some kids in wheelchairs or something.

You had some black kids that were still sucking their thumb or something, even though they were like 19 and shit.

Yeah, which is cool, but they weren't saying anything, but they weren't retarded.

So you got to pick a path.

But then you had one kid that would get sunburned bad.

He couldn't go.

You had that bee sting kid or whatever who was always a fucking piece of shit.

A major update to Army recruiting regulations this week raises the maximum age a recruit can join to 42 and removes a barrier to joining for recruits with a single legal conviction for marijuana or drug paraphernalia possession.