Max Tidy

How are we doing tonight?

It's weird, I'm 23, I'm from Pittsburgh, and I live with a roommate, and it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate, because some nights I'll be at work, and I work overnight, so I don't get home until 2 a.m., and they'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter.

Don't forget to clean up after yourself.

Feels like living with a wife sometimes.

And other times...

I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning and I'll open my door and he'll just be standing there looking at me like that.

Like, hey, does this look infected to you?

But... It's okay.

It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine.

Really?

I never claimed to be good at this.

I was a really bad drug dealer, and I got arrested in school, and... How did you get arrested?

Some kid's like, oh, his backpack smells like weed, and they searched me, and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack.

No, no.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday.

No, not really.

Yeah.

I'm a manager at Chipotle.

Indeed it does.