Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.TV.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redman, coming to you live from the Bridgestone Arena, here at Nashville, Tennessee, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Get Up and Tony!
Let's go!
Nashville, Tennessee.
Who's ready for the best fuckin' night of your lives? Fuck yes! Goddamn, motherfuckin' right, Nashville!
Whoo-ee! Make some goddamn noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land here in Music City, USA? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Big Mike Michael Gonzalez, Matt Muehling on the electric, John Dees on the keys. And right there, he thinks he's in Austin still. That is the one and only Dee Madness on the bass guitar.
No reaction.
No reaction. Dee, you don't even smile. You got fucking 15,000 people going crazy. You're sitting there with a straight face. There you are, you son of a bitch. How about one more time for our little opening act, our little crowd warm-up?
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Chapter 2: What happens during the introduction of the show?
And I got to tell you, I don't think I could have possibly have booked this fucking thing any better and any cooler. You are in for a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest, who's going to be with us all night. One of the best, one of the best comedians in the world, a sniper, a genius. You know him, you love him. Make some fucking noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman.
Yeah, right there, baby. Mark Norman. Hell yeah. Let's fucking go. Smoking his cigar backwards, ladies and gentlemen. What a badass motherfucker. Well, you might as well stay up, because I'm warning you right fucking now, this roof is about to explode. As I bring to the stage a first-time guest in the history of the show, a man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode.
Who better in Music City, USA, than perhaps one of the funniest, coolest musicians of all time, Nashville. I present to you, live, in the flesh, Nashville's own Kid Rock!
It's about to fucking go down!
Whoo!
Oh ho ho ho ho ho! My God!
What up, Nashville? Can I get a little hell yeah?
Hell yeah! Let's fucking go. We are here, Kid Rock in the fucking house. An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. Kid Rock, Mark Norman, you guys know how it works. Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket. They get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.
That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood Bear. which brutally interrupts them. I conduct an interview. We have some fun. We meet them all at once.
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Chapter 3: How does the audience react to the performers?
The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show? I have selected the first bucket pool of the night. While we go wrangle them, I have one of our great golden ticket winners ready to get us started with a brand new minute. And by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner in the history of the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak, to get us started tonight, this is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips. Thank you. Oh, man, how cool. I go, hey, I was on the road, and a lady DMed me, and she said, hey, I'll show you around town and my pussy.
I was like, damn, this city offers great tours. Like, what a package deal, you know? It's not too many to see, you know? You might be stretching this out.
Okay, uh... I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those moms deserve to look cool too, you know?
And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill, you know? Let us drink.
When I was a kid, the tooth fairy was coming, so I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow with a note that said, here's a full set. Pay a bitch. I included the gums. Martin Phillips getting us started here tonight. I love it, Martin. You are, this is a very special look.
I'm a cowboy, baby.
Hell yeah. I fucking love it. You look like if Brokeback Mountain had an actual broken back. You know, and this is actually, I have something special on tonight. Oh yeah? Because, you know, I do all these Killers to Kill Tony shows in big theaters. So I have more room to mess around. So right now, I'm wearing $30 tap shoes. Those are tap shoes? You know how to tap dance?
It's just walking, you know? Oh, okay. Well, why don't you put the mic on the floor? Let's see if we can pick it up. Hell, yeah. Oh, shit, this is a first in Kill Tony history. Who better to be our first tap dancer than the... Styling's a part of it. It's that easy. It's that easy to do. Unbelievable. So book me, Grand Ole Opry.
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Chapter 4: Who are the special guests introduced in this episode?
Dayton? Yeah. Wow. You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life.
Wow.
I have a lady, okay? You do? She's in the basement. Oh, okay. I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is. I think her name is Wendy. True. I love it. I love it. You guys live together? Uh, yeah. Yeah. What's your house? Is it a white castle? Yeah. It's close to one, you know? Yeah. You got Skyline around, you know? I love it. What do you do for work? I, uh, fix ice machines.
You gotta be fucking kidding me. Swear. Pretty... Pretty cool, right? All right. Amazing. Wow. How long you been doing that for? Ten years. Ten years fixing ice machines. It's sad. Yeah, I know. That's all right. My goodness. Wow. What do you do for fun? Comedy. I don't know. I make a lot of, I produce like podcasts and stuff. Trying to be Red Band, you know? Wow.
You really set your standards very high. Amazing. So you fart sometimes? Is that what you're saying? Sometimes, yeah. I have a cool soundboard. Incredible. Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us? We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance. I can whistle like a train. That's kind of cool. Oh, let's hear that. All right. Terrible. All right, fuck me.
Uh...
Fuck me. I know. Wow, people hated your train whistle. They should. It's autism, you know. Sounded a lot like a UFO. Something. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing, Patrick. Amazing. Well, congratulations. You did get pulled out of the bucket. What do you guys think? Big or little? How many of you think big? How many of you think little? How many of you like it when comedians do good on the show?
How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show? Oh, you are evil fucks. Let's go medium for you, huh? There you go. It's his first time... Oh, no. It's his first time ever... ever... ever getting a medium. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, do we got a replay of that? Oh, we have the great Anthony Giordano in the director's truck telling me that we have a replay.
We love replaying when people don't catch the books. Oh, there it is, right off his hands. Let's see it there. Play a little, give me a little goofy horn on this. Here it comes, the moment of a lifetime in an arena.
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Chapter 5: What personal experiences with drugs are shared?
How about drugs? You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin. Let's see.
Acid, mushrooms.
One time in Indiana, I did a Suboxone. I almost fucking died. Tell us about that. Yeah, so I was like, me and the homies, I won a contest at Hardee's. I worked at Hardee's, and yeah.
Yeah. One of the people there was like, dude, sign up. You might fucking get on. I was like, I ain't no way, but here, you know what? If I do, I'll take you with me.
I got on, and then we was at the hotel, and he's like, man, we need some weed. And I was like, dude, I'll find us some weed. Watch. A dude come walking out, and the way he walked out, he had that I'm a dealer walk, and I was like, he's got it. So I went over there, and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dude's out of town, but I got these Suboxone strips, and I don't know.
What did it make you feel like? Uh... For about 10 minutes, I felt really good.
I was rapping Tech N9ne in the trunk and... Hell yeah. And a few other things, I was hanging out with this dog named Chico at the hotel, and then... Was the dog real?
Yeah, the dog was real. Some old lady's dog. And then, shit, I don't know, we went to Wendy's, and I think that's where it went downhill.
I got a Frosty, and that made me throw up. That's actually happened to Red Band. He just overdosed on the Wendy's one time. Oh, shit. Had a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy? Come on. I love it. Tell us the craziest thing about your life, other than your near overdose, that you would find interesting.
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Chapter 6: What near-death experience did a guest recount?
And my headphones. But, shit, I don't know. I got struck by lightning, kind of, I guess. Oh! Some... You got struck by lightning? Yeah, well, it hit the house, and I was hanging on to the... Back when refrigerators and freezers were separate... I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume, and that's when I found out, don't fuck with Electro, you know?
I swear to God, I was in a Spider-Man costume, and it hit the house, I was like, and I swear to God, I flew from here to probably that stair set right there, dude, up against the wall. I never felt nothing like that. No power like that before.
Shit was crazy.
Did it change you? Did you notice a difference? Did it give you any special powers or anything?
I feel like I could move quicker after that.
Can we see how fast you can, can you put the mic in the mic stand and show us some of the quick movements that you can do?
Dude, you got to start a cult. Oh, dude, I've been told that I could be a cult leader, actually. I'm not even playing. Oh, yeah, I can see it.
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Chapter 7: What unusual life experiences has the guest had?
That's a third person now. Really? Within a week that's told me that. Just thinking about the thought of, like... Can I get a fist bump from... Oh, yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, bro.
You're like Charles Manson, but... Without all the ladies, right? Yeah, and he killed...
All right. Matt Adkins, I like your style. Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend. Lightning does strike twice. Another drop joke book by Matt Adkins. All right. We finally wrangled a one-word name all the way from section 104, row B, seat 12. We thought we had... What was that? Mark, you throwing plates over there? I'm trying to get it to the crowd, but the wind caught it.
Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long-awaited Maniac, ladies and gentlemen. The Kill Tony debut of Maniac.
Fun fact, I'm not racist. In fact, my ex-wife is black. We were married for eight years. Three kids together. And, uh... Just because I hate that bitch doesn't mean I hate all black people.
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Chapter 8: How does the guest describe their parenting journey?
It's case by case. Another fun fact, I used to fuck my couch. Oh yeah. When I was a kid, I'd fuck the shit out of that couch. The problem is, I trained on this couch. And the cushions go straight up and down, just like this. And that's how I trained.
I'd lay on top and punch straight down.
So when I got my first piece of pussy, my ankles were off. Pussy's more of an upshot, right? So I had this poor girl laying on the bed, and I'm just laying on top of her, and I'm just stabbing straight down and just fucking the shit out of the crease between her thighs. And I'm just giving it to her for like 30 seconds. And then she stops me, and she says, hey, guy, it's not even in.
And I had already finished.
I said, roof, don't we?
Wow. Maniac. Holy shit. Look at the energy on this guy. Incredible. Mark Norman, what do you think? Was the couch still at the Raymoor and Flanagan when you fucked it?
Or was it... Every time, baby. Every time. Wow. Was it a black couch? Yes, absolutely. Leather. You know the one. Oh, leather.
You know the one. All right. Maniac, you are energized. Are you on Adderall or something right now? No, sir. No, sir. Just manic. This is just natural. Yeah. You're manic. Yeah. Do you have high highs and low lows? Absolutely.
Yes, sir.
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