Maya Shankar

It is a psychological immune response.

And so they have done some studies showing that people had better short-term outcomes when they had some degree of denial.

So one, have a little bit of compassion if you or someone else is dealing with a seismic change and you don't feel like

you're able to confront the full enormity of what you're going through, that's okay.

And actually in the short term, it can give you some necessary resilience and a feeling of hope.

In the longer term though, denial is not super healthy and can backfire.

So what can you do?

Well, there's a really effective strategy called a self-affirmation exercise.

And this is where you write down all of the identities that you value in your life, all the things that bring your life meaning and purpose that are not threatened by the change.

So for example, if you're having a really big rough patch at work, or let's say you've lost your job, you might emphasize your spiritual life.

If you're going through a really difficult divorce, you might emphasize that you have a really loving community around you or that you love being head of the PTA or on the new pickleball club that you just joined.

And I actually saw this work wonders in my own life.

So when we got the news of the second miscarriage, I remember that day.

Can I swear on the show?

That day was a shit show, Jason, because earlier in the day, we had seen two healthy beating hearts.

Then hours later, our surrogate says that she thinks she's miscarrying.

And this, by the way, was the second time that this whole thing had happened.

And so we were totally stricken with grief.

And I remember that night laying under the covers in my bed, just like not only feeling totally empty, like I mentioned before, but just hopeless, right?

Because