McCone

Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

He'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's Bobby?

How did you perform? How many you kill? I injured four people. But you kill them, man chop. I injured four people. What do injured mean? One man I gave a light beard trim to. Okay, okay, but what about Tochi Hana, the one that I told you to go kill? Yes, I tried. What happened to Tochi? I tried to kill him, but what ended up happening, I ended up giving him a massage with the sword.

What do you mean? I was stabbing him in the back. He died? He said, to the left, to the right, to the left. Like a spa massage? Kind of. Oh, my God. And then he made me wash his feet after. Yeah. It was... Now, when I told you to get the sword, you got the sharp sword, right? Um... Did you go to the... About that. Blacksmith. I told you to go to the blacksmith. About that. Yeah, tell me.

I read somewhere on the internet that the dull sword is more dangerous. Oh, did Sensai McCone tell you that?

I don't fucking have your medallion.

Hey, Fancy.

He gets so shy.

Sweetheart.

I can't believe you visited me in the hospital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a cancer.

Bobby, I have to shit again.

Yeah, at a polar plunge.

None.

No, it's fine.

It was 12 degrees outside. Was it cold?

Water was 33 degrees.

No, I was under and out immediately. You went head underneath?

It's deep enough to where you kind of have to.

No. Did you go naked? No, I was just wearing short shorts.

There's no doubt.

A white dude and an Asian dude.

It's gonna fuck up the show a little bit.

Okay, well, then I won't.

Oh, what time are we starting tonight?

Seven.

Yeah, I knew it was a power move.

Oh, yeah. I always take one.

Two for me, one for you. Okay.

So you take it out on us?

I've had enough. Angry grandma.

Oh, yeah.

No, he would have. N.A. legend.

Probably narcotics.

That's drug behavior? Yeah. Oh, this is such a manipulation right now.

Marijuana only. And Xanax and Lexapro. You get psychosis with that.

Yeah.

And weed, yeah. So no.

Just to chill.

Xanax calms your heart rate down. It relaxes you.

Bobby does that.

Don't you glamorize the past?

Okay.

Do you need it? Get me on another drug? No.

No, because on shoot days, I stop around three. Yeah, but just those five times.

Because I don't want to smell for Andrew or you.

I mean, I just think that some of these warning signs are of Bobby, and that could be like a new thing for therapy next week.

Talks about the past constantly. Has a false sense of control over his life. Hangs out at the comedy store even though it's been 40 years. Changes behavior constantly. Isolates all the time. Never goes to meetings. Doesn't do sober fun.

Yeah, but that's not a lot. Just one a week. And doubting the recovery.

I'm like one a year.

Yeah.

That's you.

We've been having this conversation for years, Bob. Look at that.

There's an example though.

Yeah.

I bet we can. You're going to the White House.

No, his adventure getting them is right here.

Smell, put in your mouth. Rocket Money.

Wow.

It's like four Japanese quarters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's still out there.

No Airbnb. He paid for that.

He texts me every morning. He seems happy.

No, he shouldn't go there.

It's a country at war.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

I was laughing because I knew how mad Bobby would get at that.

Oh, like when I'm 45 years old? I'm doing it in January. Of what year? January was two months ago.

But I do want to go. You're not going.

They said they're into your special.

Yeah, it's sad. We've known each other since fucking Obama was president. Okay. Like you've met my parents and you get mad because you thought you were- And your dad's very disappointed, I'll tell you that right now.

No, no, no. Let's go back to it. What's insane is that you're mad at me because you thought you were important enough to be invited.

Yeah.

Addicts shouldn't do that.

Okay.

I mean, alone in a hotel room without us knowing where he is?

Yeah, all the time. He just did it.

Okay.

It's not funny at all, dude. I don't know. Fucking horrible.

But can we be honest?

I think this is all a you issue. And I'm glad you went to therapy because I think you have very real issues about people not respecting you when you think me and McCone don't respect you when in fact we do. And we're just trying to be funny and make you laugh. It doesn't make me laugh. It's going to make two million people laugh. Okay. Dude, I swear to fucking God.