Meagan

Because we had a video, it's just me and my ex in the room and I'm holding...

my baby.

And it was my first time out of bed and I'm holding her and I'm sitting in the rocking chair and he's kind of standing in front of me.

He's kind of circling and he's like, tell her that you love her.

Tell her that you're happy.

She's here.

Just, we were making a little video to show her when she's older.

And I'm like, I love you.

Yeah, I do.

Like just very strange.

And my face is very weird.

emotionless in it and I'm like no we can't show that to her when she's older that it doesn't look like what I thought in the moment when I was making it it doesn't look like that it looks very sad I look very traumatized and I look very sad so that is just for me

But I have lots of videos to show her, but that specific one is not the one.

I didn't, it was almost like I was in denial because I just kept telling myself that this is normal.

Yeah.

People feel like this, it's normal.

But we went to leave the hospital room and I was crying so loudly.

Now, at this point, I was not silently crying.

I was very loudly crying all the way down the hallway.

And my mom's filming me crying.