Melissa Jeltsin

Julie told me that people who choose to live as submissives are oftentimes healthy, well-adjusted, and self-confident, making the choice out of free will. But she acknowledges that's not the case for everyone.

Julie told me that people who choose to live as submissives are oftentimes healthy, well-adjusted, and self-confident, making the choice out of free will. But she acknowledges that's not the case for everyone.

There's a stereotype that people who are into BDSM must have had bad experiences in their childhood that led them down this path, and that BDSM is a way to grapple with or relive those traumas. And maybe in some cases that's true, but as Julie explained it, many others just like the sensation of a whip on their skin or being tied up with ropes.

There's a stereotype that people who are into BDSM must have had bad experiences in their childhood that led them down this path, and that BDSM is a way to grapple with or relive those traumas. And maybe in some cases that's true, but as Julie explained it, many others just like the sensation of a whip on their skin or being tied up with ropes.

As she said, not everything has to be pathologized. Julie pointed out that a big draw of BDSM is the community aspect, finding others who don't judge you for who you are. Beyond online spaces like FetLife, it's not uncommon for BDSMers to congregate in person, whether that's at nightclubs, backyard barbecues, or dungeons.

As she said, not everything has to be pathologized. Julie pointed out that a big draw of BDSM is the community aspect, finding others who don't judge you for who you are. Beyond online spaces like FetLife, it's not uncommon for BDSMers to congregate in person, whether that's at nightclubs, backyard barbecues, or dungeons.

I get that. But is the gore community beautiful? I have limited insight, but the conversations I observed in gore spaces were pretty misogynistic. In one Discord forum I joined, the women, slaves, were constantly talked down to and seemed unable to share their opinions freely. Their names had to be in lowercase letters and they couldn't even talk about themselves in the first person.

I get that. But is the gore community beautiful? I have limited insight, but the conversations I observed in gore spaces were pretty misogynistic. In one Discord forum I joined, the women, slaves, were constantly talked down to and seemed unable to share their opinions freely. Their names had to be in lowercase letters and they couldn't even talk about themselves in the first person.

She instead of I. It didn't take long for me to get kicked out of the forum for simply asking one of the women what it was like to identify as a slave. This Gorian culture, I observed, it seemed to me to be a cover for old-fashioned beliefs about the superiority of men.

She instead of I. It didn't take long for me to get kicked out of the forum for simply asking one of the women what it was like to identify as a slave. This Gorian culture, I observed, it seemed to me to be a cover for old-fashioned beliefs about the superiority of men.

Gorian philosophy is an outlier in the BDSM world. Julie says that's because gore really goes against the current understanding of gender, which is far more fluid and dynamic. She mentioned a survey she conducted among BDSMers, asking them if they agreed with the statement, I believe that men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive. Only 10% did.

Gorian philosophy is an outlier in the BDSM world. Julie says that's because gore really goes against the current understanding of gender, which is far more fluid and dynamic. She mentioned a survey she conducted among BDSMers, asking them if they agreed with the statement, I believe that men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive. Only 10% did.

Gore gets a laugh. The sci-fi elements, the arcane beliefs. We're so far past women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. But that doesn't mean it's harmless.

Gore gets a laugh. The sci-fi elements, the arcane beliefs. We're so far past women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. But that doesn't mean it's harmless.

Giving up your bodily autonomy, it can make you vulnerable to abuse, to being in dangerous situations, which made me wonder, was Talena ever in harm's way? There was one essay she wrote that gave me the shivers.

Giving up your bodily autonomy, it can make you vulnerable to abuse, to being in dangerous situations, which made me wonder, was Talena ever in harm's way? There was one essay she wrote that gave me the shivers.

As a reporter who has spent a decade writing about domestic violence, this story raises all the alarm bells. But I asked Julie what she made of it. She tells it as this story of like, that she was grateful to be reminded of, she was happy that he cared enough about it that he would punish her. and put her back in her place. But I've spent my career writing about domestic violence.

As a reporter who has spent a decade writing about domestic violence, this story raises all the alarm bells. But I asked Julie what she made of it. She tells it as this story of like, that she was grateful to be reminded of, she was happy that he cared enough about it that he would punish her. and put her back in her place. But I've spent my career writing about domestic violence.

And so for me, it's hard to read that essay and not see it as abuse. And like, I've seen a lot of victims of domestic violence really come up with really creative ways to justify the behavior and make sense of it in their own relationship.

And so for me, it's hard to read that essay and not see it as abuse. And like, I've seen a lot of victims of domestic violence really come up with really creative ways to justify the behavior and make sense of it in their own relationship.