Melissa Vranjes

Can you stay kind?

Can you ask questions?

And a big piece is just like staying in your body, not in your head.

Because if you're not that way inclined, so if you're a more softer person and someone's bringing like the rough sex thing to you and it's like, oh my God, how am I going to do that?

You've gone too far.

Come back to like, okay, how can I stay curious around that?

Because you've assumed it's really rough, blah, blah, blah.

Right, but it might not even be that rough.

Exactly.

Remember, just because someone has a fantasy about something, it doesn't mean they want to play it all out.

It can just be tiny elements of it.

Then it's really just finding a version of that fantasy that feels good for both of you.

So it's navigating, okay, well, I feel open to doing the role-play thing.

That would be cool.

I'm just not sure about the choking or spanking yet.

Can we revisit that after we've maybe played out this first part?

And that way someone feels seen in their desire.

It's not like, oh, my God, the choking thing.

Well, fuck, babe.

I've never done that.