Melissa Vranjes

It's like, oh, you're doing this behind my back.

Like, why aren't you coming to me and initiating sex with me?

Especially if you're not having sex.

So I see this a lot where you're not having sex, but your partner's using porn.

you know three times a week and it's like why aren't we having sex but you're going to porn and that's when it can feel like it digs deep it's like am I not turning you on anymore are you not aroused by me are you not attracted to me what's going you know it's like it really plucks up our insecurities so yeah I think it's really normal to feel a sense of betrayal or deceit from somebody watching porn where there's not like an openness around it

And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it's more just, is there an open, like, do you openly talk about that?

It's okay that you use porn.

It's all good, babe.

I get it that I said once a week, like, does it for me.

You feel like it five times a week and you use porn.

That's all good.

But if you're like, I don't like that you use porn, I would love it if you masturbated through imagination or through audio erotica or books even.

I know, but then we've immediately got a closed door to something in the relationship.

We've immediately put ourselves in a room of like, this is what I do, but I don't tell my partner about it.

And then when we get really used to that, that becomes the norm and it's like,

oh well without us even realizing subconsciously it's like oh well I hide that thing from them so I'll hide this thing from them which is like telling them how I really feel or the fact that I'm going out for drinks with the boys and I maybe had more drinks than I said oh well whatever you know it becomes your baseline that you don't you aren't fully open with each other and that's just such a icky place to be in like if your partner really doesn't like that you use porn respect that

Find other ways of getting creative.

Use your imagination.

You will actually have far better sex if you wire up your body through imagination and through present touch with yourself.

You will have better sex.