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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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I'm Melissa Ranges and today's lesson is all about how to keep porn from replacing intimacy.
Is it ruining relationships? Is it harmless? Or is there some truth somewhere in between?
I don't believe that porn is inherently bad or good. I'm going to try and bring like a neutral lens to this conversation to help destigmatize porn, not create too much shame and ickiness around it, and hopefully just give you some tools to navigate porn a little bit better.
All right. Deep breath. Let's get into it.
As always. our pleasure practice from last week's episode. So I don't know if you call it a pleasure practice as such, but how did you go? Because I know you said you'd think about it.
Yeah, so we were talking about communication. Yes. And, you know, how it can be like sometimes awkward and hard asking for what you want and just sort of opening up those lines of communication. And there was a lot that I took away from last week. And, you know, we were both sort of – We got a bit serious there for a minute and a little bit vulnerable.
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Chapter 2: Why do men and women consume porn differently?
That's because they want to cheat on their girlfriend without cheating on their girlfriend.
I don't think it's cheating.
No, but you know what I mean. Have sex with someone else.
It's boring. Yeah, I always said if I ever had a threesome, it would be with another man.
Right, and then your partner's not up for that, eh? Because it's not fair.
He wants a girl.
Which I would probably, I would absolutely be open to another woman as well. It has to be the right woman. I don't just want to rock up to a party and I want someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah. I would actually really enjoy that. You have to be a stranger. Someone you're not likely to see again. No, I don't want a friend. We have to talk about threesomes in another episode. Yeah, we'll talk about threesomes in another episode. Because I had a foursome before. What? Yeah. Skip to the four.
It didn't go well.
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Chapter 3: How does porn impact intimacy in relationships?
Yeah, as a 20-year-old, it was just like it's so confronting, especially because I was like, I'm a sexual woman. I'm good in bed. What are you? It's just like I was so vulnerable.
Did he have an explanation or not?
you know, I can't really remember. I think he was more just like, you turn me on. Like, this is just an outlet for me. This is something like he was trying to pull me out of the, like, I'm not getting turned on by these people exactly, you know, but it's just what they're doing that I get turned on, but I just couldn't get past it. I was like, no, they're naked bodies. You're jacking off on them.
Like you are getting, if that was funny, three dudes would you still have the same experience or if that was like a whole group of blah blah blah like would you still you know anyway do you feel what do you think you were just young and an experience then or would you feel the same way now I think I'd feel very different now, although porn isn't a part of our lives.
I would probably view it differently now. I would definitely have different conversations around it. I don't think I would see it as betrayal if there was openness around it. If there was secrecy in that situation, it was just like... And I didn't understand it. So it was the first time that I was seeing porn, catching my partner watching porn.
It was just like, fuck, there's so much going on here. I don't know how to deal with all of this.
So you grabbed his laptop when he wasn't looking. Yeah, a couple of days later. Looked up what he was watching. You know what he was watching when you caught him?
I think I do. I think it was like a typical schoolteacher situation. Why are you guys turned on by that? That's like milf porn, right? I feel like it's a bit of the, there's authority in there. You know, there's a power dynamic there. Again, if we go into the psychology of eroticism, there's a power dynamic at play there.
Right, but you looked at the search history. I looked at the search history. Oh my God, I can't wait for this. Oh no.
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