Melissa Wood-Tepperberg

45 minutes to an hour of strength training. And I became psychotic with that. So it was like every day, an hour of this. And I was working out two hours a day, writing down every morsel of food. It was so obsessive.

45 minutes to an hour of strength training. And I became psychotic with that. So it was like every day, an hour of this. And I was working out two hours a day, writing down every morsel of food. It was so obsessive.

It was exhausting. It was unwellness.

It was exhausting. It was unwellness.

So when I was in the height of really just – it was like micromanaging every single thing. I did get really, really thin, but it was unhealthy and I just looked – it was painful.

So when I was in the height of really just – it was like micromanaging every single thing. I did get really, really thin, but it was unhealthy and I just looked – it was painful.

No, I didn't feel healthy. And then – plus when you're – suffering from needing disorder, the flip can happen too, where then I started gaining a lot of weight. Yeah. I was like, when I was doing all the crazy workouts, hit workouts and running myself into the ground, I was actually at my heaviest.

No, I didn't feel healthy. And then – plus when you're – suffering from needing disorder, the flip can happen too, where then I started gaining a lot of weight. Yeah. I was like, when I was doing all the crazy workouts, hit workouts and running myself into the ground, I was actually at my heaviest.

Yes. Because it was just pumping my body with cortisol. I was so stressed out going into workouts, stressed out leaving. And that was like a big, moment in my life, I remember so vividly leaving a super popular class with a popular instructor. And there's no shame because things work differently for people.

Yes. Because it was just pumping my body with cortisol. I was so stressed out going into workouts, stressed out leaving. And that was like a big, moment in my life, I remember so vividly leaving a super popular class with a popular instructor. And there's no shame because things work differently for people.

And I think that this is where we need to cultivate these relationships with ourselves and see what really makes you feel in harmony with yourself. And I just remember I like got off the train 14th Street and I was walking and I was like, I feel horrible. How am I paying to feel worse? What is wrong? And I was just like, I think I'm just I was just searching. And then I started meditating.

And I think that this is where we need to cultivate these relationships with ourselves and see what really makes you feel in harmony with yourself. And I just remember I like got off the train 14th Street and I was walking and I was like, I feel horrible. How am I paying to feel worse? What is wrong? And I was just like, I think I'm just I was just searching. And then I started meditating.

I felt this.

I felt this.

So this was at this point. I it was like. 12 years 15 years ago i'm 41 you do the math 20 26 27 exactly late 20s and i've you know i still felt this although i was slowly it was like becoming more self-aware like patching things up as i was going but i felt that i was I was just out here for all the answers. Tell me and I'll do the thing. And I was covered in cystic acne.

So this was at this point. I it was like. 12 years 15 years ago i'm 41 you do the math 20 26 27 exactly late 20s and i've you know i still felt this although i was slowly it was like becoming more self-aware like patching things up as i was going but i felt that i was I was just out here for all the answers. Tell me and I'll do the thing. And I was covered in cystic acne.

I had horrifying cystic pimples all over my face, my neck, down my back. And I did everything. It was like, I saw every dermatologist, I did Accutane. It was just, it was awful. And now I realize like that was my, how I internalized my anxiety for so many years. It was coming out in my skin. It was the stress. With a combination of products I was using and food for sure, environment.

I had horrifying cystic pimples all over my face, my neck, down my back. And I did everything. It was like, I saw every dermatologist, I did Accutane. It was just, it was awful. And now I realize like that was my, how I internalized my anxiety for so many years. It was coming out in my skin. It was the stress. With a combination of products I was using and food for sure, environment.

But it was my nervous system. Screaming at you. Trying to bang on my door. And I just felt like, you know what? I've got to go in here. Like I've got to like almost because I think when you are so dysregulated, you don't even know what home and safety is. So there was just this feeling that I felt I needed to take all of that and come in here.

But it was my nervous system. Screaming at you. Trying to bang on my door. And I just felt like, you know what? I've got to go in here. Like I've got to like almost because I think when you are so dysregulated, you don't even know what home and safety is. So there was just this feeling that I felt I needed to take all of that and come in here.