Mercedes Coffman

And those people who can't

They don't ever grow their capacity.

So although it gives instant gratification to just not enter the pool and not have to deal with the discomfort.

They're safe.

Right.

But it's instant relief.

The thing is, they never grow their emotional capacity or their emotional maturity.

So one of the things is sitting through uncomfortable conversations.

Even if you feel anxious, even if you, whether that's a first date, whether that is a conversation about growth, whether that is someone giving you constructive feedback, learning how to just sit through your feelings and recognizing that they're not going to swallow you whole.

If you cry today, you're not going to be crying all day.

So just kind of recognizing what you're feeling and sitting in that.

Another thing is not to overload your life.

Because you could have capacity during the good times, but if you're, whether it's work-life balance or your life is overloaded and your nervous system is stressed out with cortisol, you will not have the capacity for connection or conflict repair.

So never overload your life.

Practice things for your nervous system stabilization.

So whether that's meditation, have a gym routine, have a workout routine, discipline, which is another thing that is disappearing more and more.

So I think that if we do that, our nervous system tends to regulate itself and you'll be able to build your capacity over time.

Yeah, so a lot of the times if unresolved trauma is a big pool of things, right?

So it could be whether it was abuse or neglect.

So there's lots of different things that fit in that category.