Mercedes Coffman

So whenever there's uncertainty and unpredictability, there's dopamine spikes, which is highly addicting.

There's also cortisol spikes, which is highly stressful.

And then there is nervous system dysregulation because the nervous system is designed for certainty.

So the wrong person triggers uncertainty in you.

And all your brain and your nervous system wants to do is focus in on this person to get clarity.

And so you're really chasing clarity, but you're now reframing it as, I must really love this person.

And I can't stop thinking about them.

So I'm wondering if they were my person all along.

No, that's just your nervous system trying to regulate itself.

That's why it's obsessed.

Yes.

After the breakup.

Because your nervous system is saying, I felt this intense high with this person that I haven't felt with anybody else since.

There must be something meaningful there.

And I am not ready really to let this go.

Also, whenever there's uncertainty, there's all these gaps of clarity, which makes...

projecting a fantasy much easier.

You could paint anything on a blank canvas.

So if someone just gives you limited pieces of themselves, you're like, oh, he told me he likes me.

But I also think that what he really likes is this, this, this, and this.