Michael Cohen

I mean, yeah, hell yeah.

My dad came and he was like, man, this shit all right.

You did better than what I thought you was going to do, so that good.

Except now it's just a lot less syphilis and genocide, and just a whole lot more acai bowl shops.

My girlfriend asked me recently if she liked what she was wearing, and I told her, do you want me to be honest with you?

And she said, sure.

And I said, I fucked your sister.

I feel like we're just rehashing old ones.

All right, thank you so much.

I'm JT Abbott.

We can still pretty much function.

I think I might be straight because I finally made it through Brokeback Mountain without jacking off.

Thank you.

Here's something I've been wondering.

Maybe this is something you guys can help me out with.

Is it gay to suck someone else's dick if there's a gun to your head?

What if you're the one holding the gun?

Is that...

Is that gay or is that just a hostage situation?

The other day I saw this homeless guy and he had a sign that said, will change my mind about black people for $10.