Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com.
everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Who's ready to start the best episode of Kill Tony of all time? Ladies and gentlemen, introducing... Shane Gillis!
Joe Rogan! Andrew Schultz! Steve Attell! Jeffrey Ross!
What's in the bowl, bitch? Joey Diaz!
I want to see you do coke and open those eyes up. I owe you a blowjob. I don't care. I'm gonna do it.
We got pizza!
It's delicious! USA! USA! USA!
Is it possible to eat it with our butt?
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Chapter 2: Who are the special guests introduced tonight?
Fucking D Madness on the bass guitar. John Dees on the keys. Matt Muehling on the electric. How exciting. How many of you traveled from a far away land to be here tonight? How many of you live here in Austin, Texas? Wow, overwhelmingly an Austin crowd tonight. We have an amazing show for you. Here's a little bit more from the sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
You guys ready to start tonight's episode? Hello. She's back. We are going to have fun tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Whitney is back. I'm back. She's back. I was just going to say, we're trying to get her here. It would be a huge move. We go one at a time. One at a time. Ron got Joe. Joe got me. We went all in on fucking Duncan, Sagura, Christina P, Shane Gillis, Matt McCusker.
It's a dream team. It goes on and on. There's a lot of people that I could go. I could spend four minutes naming the people that we got to move here.
Can't do LA anymore.
yeah can't do it it's ridiculous it's not only it's literally like it's so it there's like blood in the street yeah blood stains on the concrete and you don't know if it's like a homeless person that's attacked a civilian yeah the man had his period it's very confusing yeah there's migrants everywhere believe it or not people i welcome migrants to this country with open arms and by open arms i mean like this hey i welcome migrants i need someone to raise my kid
Yes, absolutely. You do have a newborn. We're sending some Kill Tony baby clothes. I just ruined a surprise, but I want the people at home to know that I'm a good person.
Oh, thank you. I love that you think I kept him.
Ha!
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Chapter 3: What is the format of the Kill Tony show?
That's where I came up with it. Just to show everybody respect. We've lost that over the last hundred years. I love it.
What makes you want to do stand-up comedy?
Multiple factors. Leading on here last year on that charity run, I was never a comedian, never really watched comedy.
How's your buddy doing, by the way? Your buddy, what was it again? He had no legs. He's killing it. He's blowing it up, man. Sorry, he has blown it up. What was his condition? Remind me. He's quadruple amputee. Quadruple amputee. Yes. Right. No legs. Arms or legs about it. No arms or legs about it. Does he work at Stubbs Barbecue? Stubbs Barbecue. Good local reference, Whitney.
Whitney doesn't even live here. Doing a Stubbs Barbecue. Getting it. Knocking it out. He's represented by Stubbs.
And as we've seen, he still has better stand-up than I do. Yeah.
Yeah. It's amazing that he... He's sponsored by Stubbs because he also has been barbecued at one point. How did he lose his arms and legs again?
He was blown up by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. And what's his charity's info again? The Travis Mills Foundation.
Travis Mills Foundation.
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Chapter 4: What unique experiences do the guests share?
And so I've never done any of the material I did tonight.
Let me interrupt you. Did you think about after that first set? Thanks for telling me to go. Did you think after that first set that went so great, did you think maybe you should have done some of the material that went so great?
I was just naive, and I didn't realize that comedians do the same material because they have to perform multiple times. And I thought, oh, I can come up with all this fun stuff every time.
When you're watching a musical production, do you think that they're improvising everything in the moment?
No, no.
Have you ever practiced that before or thought about it?
Yeah. Absolutely. No, it's fine. It's not that there are like a lot of podcasts these days that talk about how comedy works. So how would you ever know? No, exactly. You could listen to like Rogan breaks things down.
Like learning. There's a lot of ways like you're awesome. Like I love watching you actually. And it's just like doing it more and doing it consistently and listen to podcasts because we fucking drone on about.
So I watch Kill Tony every week. And of course, I'm a diehard fan.
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Chapter 5: What shocking experience does Whitney Cummings share?
That is incredible. That is incredible. I'm sorry. I told him everything I had. Oh shit, but I will fucking kill you. I swear to God. That's right. Come back, bitch, you want to. Don't try to take his PS.
Chapter 6: How does Whitney navigate her upcoming performances?
Yeah. Foe. Yeah. Foe, three, five, whatever. I'll blow your fucking face off, nigga. Five. You feel me right, Susan? Talk to me. Hell yeah. You get me, Susan. Locked in.
Chapter 7: What health challenges does Mike Cohen discuss?
Hell yeah. I love you, white bitch. She's pregnant. I love it. Cam, you're an absolute icon. We love you. You're the man. Oh, yeah, Whitney.
I'm having a self-destructive instinct. I'm going to be at the Austin City Limits in September on the 6th. Would you like to do some time on the show?
Yes, ma'am.
Huge. Thank you so much.
Your energy is amazing. It is. He's the best. You're amazing. Thank you. I would love it.
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Chapter 8: How do the Montgomerys reflect on their family dynamics?
I would love it. I would be there. On the 6th, right down the street.
Yes, ma'am. Okay, let's do it.
Thank you so much. Cam Patterson, doing it. Living the dream. He's a star. He's going to be a fucking arena act any day now. He's like a full-size Kevin Hart. All right, another bucket pool. Here we go. Make some noise for J.T. Abbott. Here we go. Why are people so upset that Californians are moving to Texas? You know? I feel like... Good bit. I feel like...
I feel like we did the same shit to the Native Americans, you know?
Except now it's just a lot less syphilis and genocide, and just a whole lot more acai bowl shops. My girlfriend asked me recently if she liked what she was wearing, and I told her, do you want me to be honest with you? And she said, sure. And I said, I fucked your sister.
I feel like we really need to revisit the movie Indiana Jones, you know? Because I feel like having a white American man with a whip go into foreign land, steal something that didn't belong to him, And then we made him the hero of the movie, you know?
I feel like we're just rehashing old ones. All right, thank you so much. I'm JT Abbott.
JT Abbott. You were just on, right, JT? I was just on. I was just literally watching myself as I came on, which was funny. Right. You were on exactly last week. Yes, sir. Okay. And how long have you been doing stand-up? I have been doing stand-up for three years now. Three years. And you came out and you asked a very broad question. Those were the first words out of your mouth. Yes, sir.
Why are people mad when people from California move here? Yes, sir. And you left a huge opportunity for people to... You waited, too, as if, though, you almost wanted to get heckled. Yeah, true. What was your plan there? I kind of froze up, to be completely honest. You weren't planning on opening up with that question? Um, you know, I mean, my set originally did have that question in it.
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