Michael Holder

A couple phrases that piss me off.

I hate it when someone starts telling me a story, and halfway through they say, anyway, long story short, then they continue to make the story longer.

My God, man.

And why do we call people who wake up at sunrise early birds?

As if they are late birds.

I thought all birds wake up early.

What, you think there's a bird somewhere waking up at 10 o'clock saying, oh shit, I missed my flight?

Would never fucking happen.

Since they lock your phones away, I assume you haven't heard the news.

Earlier today, a group of chickens were protesting the use of hormones.

It was a peaceful protest, but some are raising canes.

In tragic news, a fatal shooting at a golf resort resulted in a hole in one and three handicaps.

It was tragic.

Regarding the Epstein scandal, honestly, all this time, I was never interested in seeing the list.

I just wanted to know why is that place still called the Virgin Islands?

There's not a single virgin left!

Thank you very much.

I'm Mike Holder.

Is that where you're from?

Coming up on six years.