Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Fred Rick, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcock!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Brian Redman. What's up? And that is, without a doubt, the best damn band in the land. Make some noise for them, everybody. Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa. Nachos Belgrande. Michael Gonzalez. Matt Muehling. John Dees. And this is the great D Madness, everybody. How exciting is this?
When I tell you we have an un-fucking-believable show for you, I really mean it. And you're going to find out all about it when we get back from these fine messages from the sponsors that made it all possible. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week, I book two of the funniest guests in the world, two of the greatest entertainers.
This week might be my finest work of my entire life. As I present to you, one of the greatest wrestlers, one of the greatest entertainers of all time, and a front runner for the 2025 Guest of the Year. At the same time, I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, Triple H and Karen Hawk!
Carrot Top!
Yoo-hoo!
Oh, yes!
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Chapter 2: How does the audience react to the guests introduced?
We are in it. Triple H, the man, the myth, is here. WWE is now teamed up with ESPN, everybody. All their biggest events are now on ESPN's new streaming service. And Carrot Top is also here.
I'm also in wrestling. I just started. We just talked about it. We're going to do a little tag team thing later.
Oh, shit. I'm going to start drinking. I'm going to hydrate. Someone's going to be buried alive in a chest full of props. It is incredible to have you here. It's like Gallagher was here. There's fucking water everywhere. It's very exciting. The greatest entrance in sports entertainment history. How are you doing, Carrot Top? I'm doing all right. I look great, right?
Three microphones on right now. I have three on now.
You don't want to miss a thing. Carrot Top is the reason I am now bald. That was my future, and I was like, fuck it, I'm shaving it.
That's true. Oh, fuck. I love it. Carrot Top, one of the frontrunners for the 2025 Guest of the Year. Oh, man. Some stiff competition this year. I'll fuck that up tonight, trust me. We'll fix that. We'll fix that. We're very excited to have you back. I see you brought your chest of fun stuff. Triple H's first time on the show. Triple H giving every wrestler in the world their opportunities.
He decides everything now.
Everybody remembers their first time.
That's right.
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Chapter 3: What makes Triple H and Carrot Top's presence significant?
Kill Tony fans are fucking awesome. I had 1,100 reviews that took me 10 years to get. You guys left 2,500 in the first two days, and Yelp fucking blocked me for three months. But it was great, because I could talk shit to all those shitty customers, and they couldn't leave a review, man. It was fucking amazing.
I loved it, Tony. Incredible. So business is good. Business is booming. The hookah bar part is good. What was the famous line? You can't smoke ash? And your review is a lie. Yes, sir. So tell us more about it. Was it immediate, the change? Dude, right away.
Right away. The moment the show came up, thousands of reviews just piling in, piling in. I couldn't even read them on time, because Yelp kept fucking deleting them nonstop, and so did Google, but it wasn't about that. It was amazing. Kill Tony Bump is real, you guys. The show really has changed my life. I almost went fucking broke, and you guys really did save my fucking life.
How about the comedy? How's the comedy been going since then? Is the comedy good, or are you just selling baklava?
The comedy's been doing great. I just came back from a tour today. I did a Russian tour. Sorry, guys, it's a Russian tour. But hopefully I'll start doing more English tours. Local comedy clubs love me. I've been performing, doing 25, 30-minute sets. I have yet to do an hour, but I will. Okay. I have the material for it.
We have the material. Turn into a supervillain real quick. I have fucking material. Well, I might do an hour if you leave long enough to hear it all. Carrot Top, what do you think about this?
I'm trying to think if I have a Russian prop. I don't think I have a Russian... I don't have a Russian nothing prop, but I... Just pull out... Wait, I have one. Anything. Here's the cowboy's new helmet right there. I mean, it's... I mean, it's close to Russia, right?
Cowboy shirt. We're in Texas. I should probably put that one. No, that's hilarious. We love trashing the cowboys. It could have been any of the helmet, by the way. I was coming here. No, trust me. It works for the cowboys. You nailed it. Ike, what else is going on? Love life's good? Still with the wife? Still with the wife. Wife? Still with the wife. How is she?
Is she happy with your performance here and the new money coming in?
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Chapter 4: What insights are shared about the comedy scene and personal experiences?
Thank you. Is this your first time on the show?
This is my fifth.
Wow.
Look at that. Yeah, yeah. Such a memorable character. I guess not. I guess not. I took three months off, actually. I tried to get some new jokes in, prepare a little bit.
You took three months off.
Yeah.
You just did open mics and stuff during that time?
No, I went out to Vegas to do a show or two out there. Been trying to get around. Did the Vulcan finally. Almost two years into comedy now. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm about to leave my job, so I just want to say, fuck AT&T. Wow. That's one way to do it. Yeah. I absolutely hate the company. I've been there for two years after they outsourced my job to Mexico. My goodness. Yeah.
His phone just died. You're like, fuck, fuck, fuck. No, I have T-Mobile. It's still cheaper, even with the discount. Wow. What did they do to you? What did AT&T do to you? Well, I worked in, like, tech support, and I trained Mexico to do my job, like, two years ago, and they took my job. They didn't even come to America. It was in Mexico City. I trained them over Zoom. Wow.
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Chapter 5: What does Triple H think about his career as a heel?
The heel stuff for me was always where I wanted to be in my career. But if you're just saying just having a crazy time, DX was just... We all roll up in that goddamn tank. Come on, man. It was just us thinking about what dumb shit can we do this week.
That was it. And Vince just letting y'all fly with it at that time.
At first, no, and then once it started working... Yeah, once it started working, we had kind of do what you want to do thing, but at first, we were threatened to get fired every week.
I'm sure you get it. I get it. Yep. Deals with the exact same thing.
Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to personal experiences in Austin?
Trust me. It did not work at first for him either.
It's been a common theme coming out here tonight, I feel like.
Oh, yeah. Well, Uncle Lazer, you did it. You got up again. Congratulations. Thank you, Tony. Thank you, guys. Back to the bucket we go. We're coming around the corner now. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket pool, Ronaldo Mercado, everyone. Here comes Ronaldo.
Chapter 7: What are some notable experiences shared by the comedians?
I've lived in Austin for about a year now. I haven't been able to fit in yet. I've lived here for a year. Everybody here, they're hot. People look good. They care about diet, exercise. Ugh. That's why I like the rest of Texas. I fit in in the rest of Texas. Here in Austin, I wear an extra large. I'll admit that. This is an extra large t-shirt. I weigh 225.
You can see my belly when I put my hands in the air. Fuck you guys. I don't care. Okay? In Austin, this is fat. But in the rest of Texas, I look pretty good. Okay? When I go down to San Antonio, I'm petite. Okay? All right?
Chapter 8: What insights does Carrot Top share about his career?
I was here in Austin. I had to ride a Lime Scooter last week. I'm not proud of it, but I did. I had to be somewhere fast, and I was on my Lime Scooter. And it's a bad look. You can admit that. The Lime Scooter's a bad look. This... It's a bad look, but I had to ride one out of necessity. When I was on my Lime Scooter, another dude rode past me on his Lime Scooter.
And when he rode past me, he looked me in the eyes and he gave me one of those. Like it was a fucking Jeep thing. like we were in a club together. Don't do that, okay? Look, if you give somebody a little wave on a motorcycle, hell's angels. You give them a wave on a Lime Scooter, Charlie's Angels. It's a lot different. I think you can have a secret wave on the Lime Scooter.
The guys on the Lime Scooter can have a wave, but it's gotta be this right here. There you go, all the way to the finish line. Ronaldo Mercado with jokes all the way to the bear. Good job, Ronaldo. How long have you been doing stand-up now? I just hit seven years. You were just on very recently, right? Yeah, yeah, a couple months ago. Okay. How's it going? Everything's good?
Yeah, everything's great, actually. I work at the Sunset Strip now as a door guy. Nice. Congratulations. Red Band's club, a must-see all-entertainment spot, right? Just a block away. How's it been working there? What's it like having Red Band as a boss? Does he fart a lot? Does he... He's pretty chill. He kind of comes and goes. You know what I mean? He just kind of comes by.
You say, well, I go, hey, Brian. He goes, man. That's him. That's right. 12 and a half years of that. Every Monday with him. See you next week. Rinaldo, what are you doing for fun? For fun? Here, I've been trying to go to more shows.
Like music shows?
Yeah, hardcore shows, stuff like that. I like to ride my bike. I'm a BMX rider. Oh, wow. Look at you. You're a big boy for a BMX rider. I am a bit of a fat fuck, okay? I will admit that I know him, but I have an app on my phone. It's called Rocket Money. Do you guys know about Rocket Money? It's an app that keeps track of your finances.
It sent me a notification, and it said, hey, Ronaldo, you spent 17% more this week than you normally do, and then they sent me an emoji of a cheeseburger to let me know that I ate so much fast food, it impacted my financial portfolio. Wow.
Wow.
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