Michael Kosta

Only two butlers.

And are we sure we want Prince Andrew far from the public eye?

That's kind of how we got into this mess.

If you ask me, he should have a 24-hour webcam on him like a pregnant giraffe at the zoo.

How is it that it's impossible for any regular person to find affordable real estate and they're giving away fancy cottages to alleged pedophiles?

Next time I go to an open house, I'm going to be like, honey, tell them you're 12.

Look, nobody's going to shed a tear for a prince who has to downsize to the bad palace, but the ones that I truly feel bad for are the spouses.

Imagine being Andrew's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, right now.

How devastated she must be to learn that her husband had so many links with Jeffrey Epstein.

Wow.

Wow.

That is the worst thing Fergie has ever written.

And yes, I'm including the Let's Get Retarded song.

You wanted Jeffrey Epstein to be your husband?

Really dodged a bullet, Fergie.

He could have said yes, and then you would have ended up married to a huge pedophile.

Oh, wait.

Either way, I am very happy to present Sarah Ferguson with this Lifetime Achievement Award for having the worst taste in men.

Congratulations, Fergie.

Better luck next time, Cheryl Hines.